Extreme anxiety over husbands surgery

[CFS56]

My husband is having an aortic/iliac aneurysm repair surgery done on Monday.  This is not the first major surgery he has had, he had a quadruple bypass 2 years ago.  We have been married 34 years, no children...he is my best friend in the world.  I am absolutely terrified.  I am totally convinced he's going to die.  I can not convince myself otherwise.  I am totally fixated on the 5% mortality rate of the surgery...not the 95% of good outcomes.  I am totally dysfunctional, unable to concentrate or do anything.  I'm just sitting at this computer obsessively looking up medical information.  
I have always been one to catasrophize (don't know if that's a word) everything.  I always think of everything that can go wrong and expect it to.  And unfortunately I work in the medical field so I know tons of things that can go wrong with this surgery.  I can't do this anymore, I have to stop.  I can't make my husband worry about me too.  When he had the bypass I ended up in AFib in the hospital.  I can't do that again.  Maybe just getting this out will help.  I sure hope so.

[erin626]

I understand how you feel. My situation isn't quite the same but worrying about someone you love is very hard.  My boyfriend has been sick for months and refuses to seek medical help. I also jumped to the worst possible scenario..that he has cancer. I've gotten myself so sick over worrying about him. I've come to the conclusion that worrying isn't getting me anywhere and isn't helping the situation. Everytime that fear and worry creeps into my mind I immediately try to distract my brain. Its hard to do and sometimes I can't but I try everytime.

I agree with mammo..your husband will be ok but focus on you and make sure you're ok. Have you talked to a therapist while dealing with this? They can really help during stressful life events.

I will pray for your husband to have a successful surgery and a quick recovery and for you to stop feeling such terrible anxiety. Let us know how you're doing.

[CFS56]

Thank you mammo.  I have been having a really hard time and my mind keeps going into all the worst case scenarios.  I have been able to keep it together somewhat around my husband, I don't want to add me to his list of things to worry about.
I am taking ativan and it helps a little bit.  I am so scared my heart is going to go off again...we don't need that at all.  The other night lying in bed it just took off..thankfully it didn't last long.
Thanks for listening and giving me a place to vent.  All my friends are like...be positive, he will be ok.  But they don't understand what an anxiety disorder does...it's always worst case with me and it is almost literally impossible for me to "be positive".  I try...I try really hard.  It would be so much easier to be positive, I want to be positive but I can't!   Especially when this surgery is major surgery and the risk is there and quite real.  I am just so scared and I love my husband and don't want anything bad to happen.

[mammo]

I've been where you are, and I think fearing the worst is common.  But keep in mind that your husband can sense your fear, and he needs to have the best attitude possible going in for this.  You being so stressed out and scared is normal, but it only makes you sick, and where would your husband be if he lost you?  I think I would call your doctor for some type of anxiety medication to get you thru this time, especially since you ended up with A-Fib when he had his last surgery.  This fear is very hard on you as you have experienced, and you don't need this.  Call your doctor about getting something to calm you until he gets thru this, I think your doctor will understand.  Your husband will be fine, I'm more concerned about you at this point!  You can always talk to us if tha helps, we understand and care.  I wish you both all the best and take care of YOU!