Fear of DEATH, the bottom of all my panic/anxiety??

[miche31263]

I think it just hit me like a hammer to the head.  I'm so afraid of everything, and I mean everything.  I have been thinking of trying to find a psychiatrist who can help me, but then I started thinking of one who could specialize in my fears.  I've been to many in the past, but we would focus on the present fear I had at that time, or relaxation techniques.  Helps, but doesn't help completely and after my pocketbook is drained I have to stop.  Well, then I started making a list of all my fears.  Oh my gosh, it's everything, from eating and choking, swimming and drowning, getting in an elevator, being in an airplane, afraid of heights, HEALTH is HUGE, I'm always afraid every health symptom I'm dying of some health problem, mostly my heart, and it dawned on me, I think it's the fear of dying.  Then I started bawling, I"m not ready to die, I don't now what's going to happen when I die.  I know we HAVE to physically die, and that's a problem with me, I'm not in control of my own body.  I don't like not being in control!  So, I seriously think that might be at the stem of everything.  I don't know, I'm just talking out loud since you guys are the only ones I can talk to.  What do you guys think?  I've been so scared of what my heart results are tomorrow that I haven't slept in over a week and wake up in full panic attacks.  I think it's more than my heart, I'm not ready to die.  I need to find my way back to faith and the higher power that is.  I don't believe when I die that's it, but obviously there is something that is scaring me to death.  Thanks for listening to me vent, I'm an emotional mess right now and dealing and coping the best I can.  Day 12 on Lexapro, last two days 10mg, and xanax as needed.  Hopefully it can get me to a calm place where I can start getting some mental help.  Michelle

[Snochs]

I too can relate to anxiety and depression.  Six years ago, my 3-year old with diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, a rare and fatal genetic disease.  It was devastating to learn what you baby will die from and that you don't have all the time in the world to enjoy him.  Thoughts of when he will die and reoccurring nightmares of the loss had made me very sad but I tried to cope with it as best I could without medication. Last week I was diagnosed with retinitis pigmentosa, which is another rare disease. I have already started to lose some of my peripheral vision and will eventually live with tunnel vision.  There is no treatment for it or cure.  I am finally going to try lexapro to help me cope with problems because my fear and worry is affecting my children and those who love me.

[miche31263]

Thank you for your comment.  What kind of medicine do you take?  I'm on Day 12 of Lexapro.  2 days ago I upped it from 5mg to 10mg, and tonight I am having a hard time.  I even took a xanax.  What is the difference from a therapist and a psychiatrist?  I've been trying to find someone around where I live to talk to, but I don't know who.  I haven't had these panic attacks in 5 years.  It was only when my heart and the health of it got brought into question that all of a sudden I realized I'm not mortal and I'm not ready to die.  Then from there it was all downhill.  I need to get help cause my life is way out of control right now.  Everything sets off my anxiety.  And trying to keep this from my 15 year old son and my 15 year old foster son without them knowing I'm having this bad anxiety has been hard.

[wantsAhealthybaby]

Hey Michelle,

I used to be the same way. I too had the fear of death and the unknown. Now I have medicine that helps me. I think you may want to talk to a therapist and not a psychiatrist. The talking it out and exploring the reason of why it frightens you so much is very helpful. Today I am still fearful but I enjoy my life and those bad thoughts are under my control now :)

[RubyWitch]

Thanatophobia, or fear of death, is a relatively complicated phobia. Many, if not most, people are afraid of dying. Some people fear being dead, while others are afraid of the actual act of dying. However, if the fear is so prevalent as to affect your daily life, then you need to seriously consider professional therapy.

We are all going to die. Wasting your life freaking out about it isn't going to change that fact. Learning how to accept it WILL change your life.

On a lighter note, one of my favorite quotes about death and dying is by Woody Allen who said: "I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens!"
Peace
Greenlydia

[miche31263]

I am trying to figure out how to fix this feeling too.  I guess we all have to have this fear at the end of all our anxieties/phobias.  It is the ultimate problem of what we would all be scared about.  I don't even know who to talk to about this.  I mean, I can tell my Dr. that the problem with my panic attacks is the ultimate fear of death, but what the heck is she gonna say to that?  Uhhhh.....not much you can do about that?  It's the inevitable.  Well, time to take my Lexapro.  I so dread the morning.  Soon as I wake up, at 6am, it's BAM!  I'm in a panic attack.  Tomorrow doesn't look good as I am to receive my heart echo report.  Please pray for good news.  Please.  Thank you.  Michelle

[Shookjohansen]

I know exactly how you feel.  I didn't have panic attacks until the day it dawned one me (I was 21) that one day I am going to die.  It totally clicked on some sort of OCD switch and now it is all I think about.  I have cancer, a brain tumor or I am dying of a heart attack.  People have normal aches and pains and I turn them into DEATH!  I truly do hate that you feel this way but it is good to know others out there can relate and hopefully help each other.  

[dizzeedavid]

Wow I can relate my panics are all about health issues, i could have a twitch pain in my side and automatically think the worse and then could have a twitch pain in my head heart mouth hand and always think the worse! I hate the thought of dying and leaving my family! Sometimes I'm like a stuck record with it! I've started eating better, going to bed earlier, and altogether being positive about life! N slower but surely Im feeling better x

[RubyWitch]

I'm really sorry to read you are in such a fearful place right now.
The Lexapro and Xanax will hopefully get you to a calmer state of mind, but that can take awhile and I think it would be in your best interest to begin therapy as soon as possible.
You said that you would like to find your way back to your faith and the higher power that is...........perhaps it would help you to seek out immediate guidance from your spiritual adviser. That might be an excellent temporary path until you can get into therapy. If you are strongly religious, there is no reason you can't walk both paths at the same time. I'd just like to see you get some help right now.
Please let us know how you're doing, OK? We're always here.
Peace
Greenlydia