Feeling frustrated...

I just can't go to social gatherings.  Especially not with people I don't know.  Actually, I'm not even comfortable with friends I used to hang out with in high school.  So much has changed and I don't know what to talk about.  My life is pretty boring - I don't date, I have only a couple close friends but don't really do much with them.

Tonight, I was invited to a party and while there would be several people that I know, there would also be people that I've never met.  Even though everyone was pressuring me to go, I just couldn't.

The thing that makes me frustrated is that I claim to want something but won't do anything to get it.  I tell myself that I would like to date - however, I never allow myself to be in situations where I might meet someone.  There are several guys interested in me now but I have turned them all down, I don't know what I want.  Even though complain about my life being boring,I do nothing to change that.  Maybe I really like it better the way things are or I just tell myself that so I won't feel like a totally loser all the time.

Part of me wishes I would have just pushed through my fears - not that I really could - and went to the party.  On the other hand, I'm certainly more comfortable at home by myself.  No pressure to fit in, no worrying about what people think about me, and no risk of embarrassing myself.

I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder a couple months ago.  During that time I've been taking Lexapro (now 20 mg) and speaking with a counselor every week or 2.  In actuality, I've been dealing with social anxiety for over 10 years now.

[mammo]

Social anxiety can be very difficult to deal with.  You need to take this in baby steps.  For example go to a party but leave early.  Get someone talking about themselves, people love to talk about themselves so all you have to do is listen, smile and nod.  Interject little phrases when possible, but everyone loves a great listener.  Eventually you'll get tired of always being the listener and will WANT to talk. Just say what comes to mind, you have lots to say and contribute, but are afraid.  Learn to laugh at yourself, this way if you say something you regret, be the first to laugh about it, this will put others at ease as well as allowing them to feel comfortable should they do the same.  You sound like you have some good friends who enjoy your company, this should show you that you are interesting.  Always remember that it's not the quantity of friends but the quality.  Worrying about what others think of you is a waste of your time and energy, just be yourself, that's all you need to do.  I'm not taking this lightly by any means, I know it's very difficult for you.  But the more you do things, the easier it will get.  By not going out, or not getting involved with others, you've gained nothing.  Try putting yourself out there a little at a time, you have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Start with smiling at strangers, and saying "hi."  Little by little you will learn to just relax and go with the conversation.  We all embarrass ourselves......often, just laugh and make a joke of it, it truly shows people that you don't take yourself too seriously and they feel comfortable with you because of this.  Don't put the pressure on yourself to "fit in" with everyone else, they must fit in with you!  It's wonderful to enjoy you're own company, and I think you do, but I'll bet you don't realize how many party people don't like being alone!  You're ahead of the game!  Little steps, doing things you're passionate about with people who share the same passions will make it easier to open up.  Do what you enjoy doing to meet like minded people, and the conversation will come.  Always remember, just be yourself in any situation and people will accept that. You only have to please one person and that person is YOU!  So don't worry what others think, enjoy life and let people know who you are and they either accept you or they don't, but trust me....most will!  While standing line at a store compliment another woman on her outfit or purse even if you don't care for it, you'll be amazed how people will just start gabbing away.  Just try, little by little.  You don't need to be the life of the party, just be happy and comfortable with you!  I wish you all the best and take care.