Help me get myself back.

[sickofm]

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum, but I was just wonder if someone can help me.
Lately I have been a very selfish person, sometimes I cant even believe things that comes out of my mouth. Im not sure, why i have been acting this way, holding grudges against people, kinda keeping score of things. Thats not me, sometimes i think I just got tired of being nice and been taking advantage of. I ve always had many people around me, they were not necessarily "friends" but I can def say that I have been a very social person, always tried to help people whenever I could always going out my way to please others and turns out that whenever I needed I had nobody, I mean  nobody to count on. well shouldnt say nobody,( my husband has always been there for me.) but besides him, I had no friends, no family to go to. I always thought it s better to help than ask for help, but the times that I ve asked for help, it seems like everyone was too busy. So I ve decided to change the way that i behave with others, which is causing these horrible conflict in my mind. My husband its extremely supportive but sometimes, I even think its too much on him. I kinda take all the rage, and disappointment that  I have on him i keep going back and forth telling him, how much we have helped " this person" and now he wouldnt even call to see how we are doing...things like that. I have always done things without expecting things back. but now I feel like " what about me? who thinks about me" . I dont wanna to turn into this horrible/misersable person... please any input will be appreciate...thanks

[brandyb81]

You ate welcome. Remember to let go. It seems as if you are holding on to somethings and something has triggered you to respond or react this way. Do you meditate? Do you do anything to take care of your needs? Have you evaluated your daily life? Something is bringing this out. My advise .....find out what is the main source of the problem then change what you can and or what you want and leave what you can't at the door. I hope I am making sense.   I'm really not a writer/ txter. Actually I prefer not to.LOL hope all is well. I hope you can get a new perspective and rise above. They perception is your reality. Do what you do and take care of you.

[Life360_Dave]

What i find interestng is you say "thats not me" but it is you, its a part of you or you would not be feeling this. From what i read your mind is set in a giving direction but your now not satified with whats coming back to you with all the giving. If you gave so much and now felt that things were not coming back to you, as even in a thank you, then your giving was not so pure from the start and getting back was part of  your giving. Theres nothing wrong with this as giving and receiving go hand in hand. The problem is that those you gave to were not giving people. Also there is a big difference between giving freely  and someone asking. When you give freely, no one was asking for it, so how can we expect a thank you as they did not ask. People thank when they are given something they asked for.

[sickofm]

hi there, thanks for your reply
I think you pretty much said everything
"I helped out of pure wanting to. I can't get upset at someone who isn't capable of giving like I am".
but why do I keep getting upset? thats what I keep asking myself.
Why do i have this resentment ? why have I changed my behave toward this people ? why do i expect so much? I dont wanna turn into this person, that will be good only if I receive good...do u know what I mean?

[sickofm]

yes..you are absolutely right, Im at that stage which i rather have nobody than have a lot people that doesnt do any good. But I wonder if Its my fault, Did I allow people to treat me that way? or thats just how some people are? i just cant imagine a person calling me of the phone,trying to have a conversation, and Me telling them I have to go, or Im too busy now I will call you back. I dunno I guess I just expected to be treated the same way that I treated others, but it guess it wont happen!
thanks for your reply !

[kirtyleigh]

I Can relate also, I don't think it's selfish maybe you are just fed up, I got to that point a while ago so I decided to just cut everyone out of my life and just drop ppl that did one bad thing by me (even if it wasn't a big deal) I was just sick of it. I have a big heart and am a massive ppl pleaser, we are easy targets there for tend to get used the most if we allow it. After cutting people out and holding grudges I realised after all that I noticed I was very closed (still  am a little) I didn't want to let anyone in and I felt lonely, I didn't trust anyone and I felt very heart broken with no quality relationships. It's important to realise when you have toxic ppl around and it's a good idea to keep your distance, maybe this is just a realisation, ur still caring and have a heart but u probably feel used and heart broken. Better people will come into your life when you stop taking crap from ppl :) that's what I believe anyway, just try not to get the idea that EVERYONE has intentions to hurt you or take you for granted. That's exactly how I felt, it's good to learn from those kinds of people , they have shown you how you what you don't want in ur life!

Hope your feeling better :):)

Kirty x

[brandyb81]

Hey.I'm new here too. I have to say I know this all to well. I'm the type that has a Heart as big or even bigger than this world. I'd always help and. Be the first one there for any of my friends. You coould say I was the backbone,therapist,  whatever else for all them. Also a social butterfly. It never failed when I truly needed someone they were no where to be found. Then I got tired of it and went thru many different stages of emotions. Then I said f#ck it. And I learned how to protect my heart and only help those that I got confirmation over. Boundaries are good for pool who do for others. Then I said to myself if I'm really that good hearted person. Why am I mad? I helped out of pure wanting to. I can't get upset at someone who isn't capable of giving like I am.make sense?