Holiday jitters

[sierrasong]

Short days, safe person(s) gone for the holidays, dark cloudy weather and stretches of unscheduled time...  It all adds up to holiday anxiety for me.  I'm trying to keep busy with baking, sewing and purposeful (but not overly frenetic) tasks, but I feel the anxiety lurking just out of sight, ready to pounce.  If we get a big snowstorm, I know I will be pretty frightened - I always feel somewhat trapped - unlike others who just build a fire, put their feet up and enjoy hot chocolate.  

I just hate being this way.  Christmas is when I had my first "break" and I always dread it.  Lost my mom a few days before Christmas as well, so that doesn't help with the mood.  

Oh, to just feel contented and restful.  Instead, the fears and tears threaten to ruin the day.  I  I'm going to cross post this in the Depression forum as the anxiety and depression I feel are hard to untangle.

'd love to hear from anyone who's feeling the same way...thanks in advance.

[29sillygirl]

Know the feelings you are having.  I am retired so can do as I please, and as Mr. G. said, lots of the pain we feel is coming from the brain. I really don't do Xms.  Put up a small fake tree that friend insisted I have...no desire to do more.

Thought I was coasting thru' until yesterday evening when my gastric system caused bathroom drama.

I kept thinking  if I don't die of this horrible experience, (remember Elvis Presley)I will make it to holiday celebration @ sister's house. I try to find humor in my stuff.  Survivor of anal cancer...two years and counting.  More  good than bad times.  My butt needs an extreme makeover:).  Radiation was required with 2 chemos for 6 weeks..so bod has changed....need to pay better attention to what I eat and drink.

Maybe I got dehydrated watching The Wire....as the rest of the world was running around getting stuff...I was in Baltimore.

[sierrasong]

Thank you both for your comments.  I appreciate them.

I *have* seen my dentist a number of times about the sores and he can find nothing and kind of subtly puts me down for the whole situation.  However, when he put on one of the crowns, he saw that the tissure was inflamed and "angry" at the time.  He gave me some medication to use, but it never helped much.  They seem to come and go and make life kind of miserable... I've gone to the same dental office forever (over 20 years), but I think I'll be looking for a new dentist in the new year...at least one of the root canals shouldn't have had to be done according to the endodontist.  I had a dentist who didn't use novacaine as a child, so I've got an enduring phobia as a result.  I don't let it control me (as evidenced by all the work I've had done this year), but it certainly does affect me!  

Believe me, I struggle mightily using all the tools that years of therapy have given me (and, perhaps you're right: I need a "tuneup" after the holidays) - positive self-talk, doing for others, etc.  I don't let it "control me", but I consider this a safe place to be able to talk about it without inflicting it on my family and friends...that's all I needed.

Anyway, I'm going to get to cooking and will have a friend over for dinner tonight who is all alone this season.  That's what helps me the most - getting out of my own sphere and extending a hand to someone else.  As bad as things get, I always know that there's someone in a tougher spot than me.

Happy holidays to you both...

[MrGreen]

Today and tonight I am feeling great. Yesterday I wasn't up for the whole Christmas thing at all. Easy to lift ourselves if we think in a positive way. Just my own views. I will add in some nice neighbours sent in some nice presents as well. When you don't expect things if can bring a smile to your face. That's me and life. I go around never expecting anything at all. All year round. So anything I do is a big plus. Whereby if I set this huge goal for myself and failed at it I would feel the failings. I have long stopped thinking ahead of time. Just live it as it happens. Get too far ahead of your own mind and you will create this massive situation that looks like it can't be dealt with. Too many people do that. If they all sat down and broke it down into smaller pieces they would see everything could be done. But not as a whole. One thing at a time. That's my preaching done for the night.

[RubyWitch]

While Christmas IS a time of happiness, it is also a time of great stress whether we know it or not. So much to be done, too little time, too little money...........we put so many expectations on ourselves, spread ourselves too thin, try to do it all and what we end up with so often is anxiety. We forget to add "Stop and feel the joy" to all our "to do" lists!
It can also be a time of great sadness when we think about those we have loved and lost, especially if we've lost them at this time of year.
It's OK to feel the loss and sadness, but we must not let it control us. And as MrGreen said, it is up to all of us to choose and control our emotions.

As for feeling anxious about the doctors office being closed, just remember that hospitals NEVER close, there is always an ER you can go to. There is also always 911. Medical help is available to you 24/7. Put THAT fear to rest.

The mouth sores from your dental work, if not very recent, should have long since healed up, so I would suggest a call to your dentist. You say that ever since your first root canal, you've had sores that come and go. Your dentist should have been made aware of this! It's possible there is still some problem which may be causing infections. I understand your phobia of dental work, but you're obviously able to deal with it since you've had a great deal of work done. Please work up the courage to see him/her again and get this problem reevaluated. I don't think there is anything to be "scared to death" about. Not doing anything about it is far more scary.

I would suggest you give yourself a gift this Christmas of some therapy.
Make a New Years resolution that 2010 will be the year you learn to feel "normal" again!
Peace
Greenlydia  

[sierrasong]

Woke up pretty panicked this morning.  I was feeling a little better yesterday...why would I be so anxious on Christmas Eve of all days!  This will sound really strange, but I seem to be more anxious when everything (stores, doctors, etc.) are going to be closed for any length of time.  It's so stupid and I hate myself for being like this.  

I have mouth sores (around my gums) that seem to act up more when I'm anxious and today they are hurting.  One of my big phobias is dental work and I've had six crowns and two root canals this past year.  Ever since the first root canal, I've had these sores which seem to come and go and scare me to death.  

I just want to be normal, but I don't even know what that is anymore.

[MrGreen]

I hate this time of year. Like you said, short days, dark early, horrible weather. But I'm Irish. When do we get good weather? Rains in between showers here. ( LOL ) It is a time of year that can't end fast enough for me. Never liked it. Had a death just before Christmas too a few year back. The Father. So we always have that there too just before Christmas. I think it just feels like everything is getting under your skin this time of year. Just because we know we don't like the time of year. In summer we wouldn't think the same things. So we are the ones who are in control of how we feel and what we are thinking. More a case of what we want to do with that control? Let it get to us? Or try and change it. Try and see some good around us. Be it the fun young kids are having knowing Santa is coming. I won't add in the parties and all the drink. That is just a bad excuse for people to drink more. Jasus. That coming from an Irishman. Our blood is 100% proof. ( LOL ) See. I do try and see the fun side of things. Still have a laugh. No point in always been serious. That will only make us all feel worse. I will end by saying that today was the shortest day of the year. You know what that means? We gain 4 minutes of daylight now every day up until the longest day of the year in June. Just keep that thought in mind. I always do.