Horrible Anxiety!! Crazy thoughts!?

[JustNotRight]

June of 2011, I was assaulted from behind...it put me in the hospital for 3 days with a brain injury. Recovery was coming along pretty well and what not, but in September I started getting weird symptoms...physical, psychological and cognitive problems. I ended up going to the ER one night because I woke up feeling very scared and confused...my heart was racing, so on and so forth. According to the ER, I was having a panic/anxiety attack. This was my first ever attack. Since then, I've continued to have them and it's messed with me psychologically so much that I have constant anxiety and really crazy thoughts.

Fast forward to the present...the other day I had this really...really...bad panic attack that was triggered by the strangest thing. You guys might think I'm crazy, but I started thinking about how the mind and brain works (I've been doing this alot since my injury)...and how thoughts are generated. Well, I started to actually feel my thoughts generating in my head. It was the craziest thing. I got so freaked out by it, I started to panic and think I was losing my mind....I took the last Ativan I had and it took almost an hour to kick in....they prescribed me Xanax in case I have any more panic attacks, which is fine...but I can't stop thinking about how the attack happened. I keep thinking about my thoughts generating in my head and how the mind works and stuff...and it's freaking me out.

I haven't had another panic attack since the last one a few days ago but if I don't stop thinking (about my thinking...?) I'm gonna lose it...literally. I'm on Mirtazapine 15mg a day for 2 weeks. It's not really helping during the day, only at night when I take my dose and the couple hours before I go to sleep.

Is this anxiety or am I losing my mind? How can you stop thinking about your thoughts? That's kind of impossible. I notice when I keep myself busy or play with my 8 month old son, I don't have these thoughts...but I can't ALWAYS keep myself busy. Help?

[remar]

It sounds like you need to interview Drs to see who you click with.Remember that they are working for you. There are good ones and some that are'nt as caring or knowledgeable. Finding one that specializes in PTSD would be great. It might be a good idea to write things down that you want to talk about before your appointment so you don't feel overwhelmed, rushed or forget anything.
We that have anxiety have what we call our safe person, or persons. Mine are my daughter, husband and mom. This is very common.
Yes, there are things you can do. My daughter has depression, anxiety and PTSD. She takes meds, exercises, is planning to start yoga in the next week, and also sees a counselor.  
I'm not saying that you will need meds the rest of your life. Chances are once you find a good therapist and learn coping skills, you won't. But, they may want to put you on meds for awhile to get your anxiety down and help you sleep.
Is it alright if I have my daughter send you a private message? She's also a member here at Medhelp and knows so much about PTSD. If it is alright, she will let you know she's my daughter.
Hang in there, okay. I know it's so very hard but your going to get through this.    

[JustNotRight]

It's weird because I don't "think about my thoughts", or have crazy intrusive thoughts when I'm playing with my son. This is what the psychologist called an "anchor"...places where I feel safe and don't have anxiety. He told me to expand my anchors...which is cool and everything, but that brings me back to what I said before. I can't ALWAYS keep myself busy. I can't always be around my "anchors". My thoughts are worse at night when I'm trying to go to sleep...it's nearly impossible to turn them off.

For people that are dealing with similar thoughts as mine, is there any medicine that I can take that helps or special techniques to get rid of them...besides staying busy?

Thanks.

[JustNotRight]

@remar

Thank you for your response. I tried to go see a psychologist for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. With my cognitive deficit, it's really hard to keep up with what he's talking about and I also have horrible memory..so I forgot to mention things to him. I did mention going to the ER the other day and told him what caused it, he didn't really say much about it. I was so overwhelmed after the first session, I didn't even schedule a second appointment.

Your right about the assault causing these thoughts and panic attacks. I never had this problem before the assault. This has been a life changing experience for me and I'm still learning to deal with my deficits.

Thanks again. You made me feel a little better :)...

[remar]

I do not believe your losing your mind. I understand what your talking about because I've had some really strange thoughts myself that will set off a panic attack.
I am so very sorry to hear you were assaulted. It's no wonder your having panic attacks. I would recommend counseling for post traumatic disorder. It's sounds to me like that's what's going on.