How do I forget about my parents?

[Forumian]

I dislike my parents,

My dad is a very strict guy, from my early teenage years I saw him as my biggest enemy in life, I couldn't wait to get out of the house, I started living on my own in a foreign country at age of 17. He was always there for me financially and he never thought he needed to do anything else but to support me financially, I'm financially independent now at age of 27 after I graduated from university.

I ran away from home two times when I was a teenager, the pressure and the amount of injustice was just horrible, my dad has told me on several occasions that he wishes he didn't give life to me.

My mom wasn't any better my mom and dad I think are a very happy couple, they always sticked together against me in every conflict.

When I think about my childhood I can only remember fear, feat from physical punishment, I could never depend on my parents they made every problem I had worse, so I had to deal with my own problems and hide it from them to avoid further damage. There were physical punishments and even financial ones, my dad didn't pay me any money for around 6 months while I was at highschool, so I went to school and came back walking and didn't eat anything at school, some of my friends noticed and insisted on sharing their food with me which I was embarrassed to take.

There was also physical punishments, there was no spanking there was slapping, insults, throwing stuff at me and etc. I have these memories from early childhood, my mom once heated a spoon and held my hand and threatened to burn me with the spoon, I can't remember if she really did burn me or not but I can remember the fear. In another occasion I remember my mom chasing me to beat me and my dad got really upset, he slapped my mom to stop punishing me.

I didn't get the love and attention that parents usually give their children, I did not trust them, not only not trust them but I also hated them, didn't respect them because I didn't like them at all.

Overall I think the whole childhood experience didn't turn out too bad for me, it made me a strong person, I learned from an early age that my happiness will depend on my strength, there is no one out there to help me I have to build it myself.

My dad does not think he needs to respect me and my sister, he thinks because he's the dad he has an inherent right to eternal respect and he doesn't have to do anything to gain and protect mutual respect. That just makes him and unpleasant person to be around. He is negative, criticizing all the time, demanding, arrogant, and frankly embarrassing when we meet other people. I can't change my parents, and don't really care about what they say or think about me anymore.

I have forgiven my parents for what they have done, for this simple reason, they did what they thought was good. And frankly it's ok if they didn't like me

but I can't forget them, I don't want to forget it. I don't know if you have ever been in fear of your life or not, but every time I got physically punished as a kid, I felt like I'm being killed, it was a big deal to me.

I have decided to cut all communications with them and only see them twice a year, for one day each. And I'm pretty happy with this, it makes them not have enough time to talk about anything important, I don't want to have their influence in my life, I don't want them to know about me and start weakening my mind and ambitions.

So that has worked out pretty well, but I can't get rid of the thoughts of anger and anxiety that come to me, the ones that made me come here and write these things, I can't stop thinking about them, and it's not pretty when I do.

[TheLightSeeker]

Hey Forumian,
Welcome to the Forum.

  I'm glad you got out this "dysfunctional" situation pretty sane, by the sounds of it.
  Parents have weird ways of expressing their love. But even if they seem to be the biggest
  enemies in the world to their kids at times, deep inside themselves they still hold love for
  their children, despite their actions.
  Very wise input from bigdoug75.
  There are very valid reasons why people do behave certain ways.
  It is difficult to accept this coming from your parents, however, it is what it is.
  You have obviously managed to move on with life. Even with carrying this weight with you.
  This negative mental picture will eventually have an impact on your life in the future, if this   hasn't happened yet.
  My honest opinion is that you seek a good Spiritual  Energy Psychotherapist,
to facilitate your clearing of this "weight" and to bring you to a state of balance and
harmony. You do have a good Spirit and a good Mind, however, the distress of this
dysfunctional relationship (even with conscious avoidance it still exists and very profoundly
  so, in your subconscious mind).
This is the Anxiety Forum, so should you be on some medication or any form of
therapy, please discuss this with your Health Care Professional.
Please post again. Your ideas, thoughts and progress are always welcome.
Take care and God Bless you.
  Nikodicreta

[bigdoug75]

u should not want to be that way to them . did u ever try to talk to them or understand their upbringing from their parents or were u one of thoes kids that thought every thing u done or wanted to do was the right thing no mater what anyone thought. if they didt want u they would gave u away. they feed u put clothes on u roof over ur head. dont take this wrong i think parents are special in their on way.