I tend to have bad anxiety nights.

[lilb09]

I tend to have flashbacks of my father's car accident, mostly of the night I found out, because I never saw his body, or where the accident was. I am so terrified that my fiance will die in a car accident or not come home.. sometimes i always go through a time where I dread things that are completely ridiculous. I am scared to lose him or someone else in my family, or I am scared to die alone without anyone around. I guess I'm just scared to die like my best friend who died of a pulmonary embolism. She had vascular problems, and was only on bed rest for a few days.. that freaks me out. She wasn't over weight or anything, but she died on the couch at night, and that scares me. I always dread that I will go to bed and Josh will find me dead next to him or vice versa. I know... it sounds ridiculous. When I have these types of nights, I will have anxiety attacks in the mornings, and seem to think I can't breathe.. but I haven't keeled over from it yet.. so I know its all in my  head. I know that I will not have a blood clot, and I should really believe that everyone will be ok. It's just scary for me right now , and I hope I can get my mind back to normal and just focus on today and have a positive outlook on life again.

[JGF25]

Therapy is going to do wonders for you.....just take it one day at a time.  

[lilb09]

Thank you so much for your reply! It's nice to know that someone understands. I have good days and bad days.. today seems to be a bad day. I had an anxiety attack this morning, and I've kept it at a low so far, but I just don't feel like myself today. I hate when I these anxiety attacks because I am so scared that while I am home alone I'm going to faint or something like that, and I'm only 20 so I have no idea why my mind would even think something was wrong with me! I've only had the flu like twice in my lifetime- I can't wait to get therapy so I can keep my mind off things that don't matter :)

[JGF25]

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of several people you loved.  This would be extremely hard on anybody and it is very natural to have some anxiety about the wellbeing of yourself and the other people in your life so don't think for a second your thoughts are ridiculous.  The key is to not let them rule your life.  We have no control over what happens as you have learned.  No one goes out and plans on getting in a car accident or plans on having a fatal embolism so we have to let it go and just remind ourselves like you said, "focus on today and have a positive outlook on life again."  We only have one, so we have to make it the best it can be.  

If you do wake up with anxiety in the morning, try this breathing exercise for maybe 5 minutes.  Breathe in through your nose with your hand on your stomach so you can feel it rise, hold your breath for 5 seconds and count that out in your head, then let it all out through your mouth as your hands fall back down with your stomach.  This will slow down your breathing and lessen the anxiety.  

I hope this helps you and again, I am so sorry for your loss.  Please post again if you are still having problems but I'm going to be optimistic and figure you will get past this.