Insecurity and Anxiety in my relationship

[ianl]

Hi,  

I've struggled with insecurity in past relationships but I'm now in a really wonderful relationship with someone I'm completely in love with.  She has been absolutely wonderful to me and has given me every indication she truly loves me.  Recently though, I was fired from a very high-level job and it really hurt my self-esteem.  I've tried to be a "man" about it, but I've noticed my feelings of self-worth were transferring over to my relationship.  I started feeling that just as the job was too good to be true, my relationship would be the same and any second that was going to be swept out from under me too.  I responded to this by probably being a bit too clingy and insecure, and while she's been amazingly sweet and understanding, I know that kind of behavior turns her off.  I've found myself also secretly questioning whether or not she really loves me; i'll imagine signs that she's going to end it soon, just as I saw signs that I was about to fired.  In that case I was right!  Anyway, this girl means the world to me and I don't want to screw things up with my insecurity but I need to find a way to get over this hump.  Any advice is appreciated

[JGF25]

You could always start with what you wrote at the bottom of your post

"Anyway, this girl means the world to me and I don't want to screw things up with my insecurity but I need to find a way to get over this hump."  

Who wouldn't be insecure after losing their job.  If the shoe were on the other foot, I'm sure she would feel the same about herself.  The key is communication.  

You need to get out there with a positive attitude and find another job.  It may not be as high paying but you also may find it ends up being something you find much more rewarding doing.  

[erin626]

There is nothing unmanly about sitting down and having a serious discussion about what you're feeling and thinking about. My boyfriend and I regularly have discussions about how we feel. He recently sat me down and told he was concerned we were growing apart and was scared he was losing me. That made me love him even more.

I think talking to her about your fears and anxiety will really make you grow closer as a couple and will help squash some of your fears.

[ianl]

Thanks tschock.  The reason why I haven't fully confessed to her how I've been feeling (ie. the contents of this post) is because I feel like it will seem unattractive and unmanly.  I also don't want her to start thinking I need her to reassure me all the time.  I'm just trying to find ways of coping with it on my own, while not letting it interfere with our relationship....

[tschock]

You need to stop "looking for the signs" or you'll lose her for sure.
Being "clingy" doesn't help, as you've pointed out yourself.

You need to think positive thoughts.
She loves you! If she didn't she wouldn't be there.
If it was all about the money she would have run by now.
I'm sure she understands that you are acting "strangely" because you are depressed about losing your job.

So...you have pointed out yourself all of the things you are doing "wrong"...so now you can "right" them.

Try talking to her. Show her your post if need be. She will be touched that you are concerned enough to ask for help...and it will show her that you love her and that you are trying to change back to your "normal" self.

You would be amazed at how just talking to a woman helps to repair damaged relationships...simply because most men don't want to talk about it. lol
No intention of bashing any men with that statement btw.