Do I have a major anxiety issue? Please help me.

[Mingobear0712]

Background: Staring sophomore year of high school, I believed I had breast cancer. Turned out to be cysts that come and go with ovulation. Junior year I was extremely stressed and worried about my health. When I am stressed, I tend to make things worse. I convinced myself I had a brain tumor (head even went numb) and that I had lymphoma. I thought all my lymph nodes were swollen. I went to the doctor and they were all normal. I always look up my "health problems" online and worry about them for months.

Now: I just recently started having sex (4 months ago). I have been with the same guy for 3 years and we were both virgins and are clean. I have also been on birth control for 4 months. Instead of worrying about health problems lately, I worry about pregnancy. I have not had sex since before my last withdrawal bleed, but took a shower with my boyfriend a week ago and am afraid I somehow got pregnant from that. I of course ran to the Internet to look everything up. (I think I am addicted to trying to find help online.) I started thinking about how silly I was with my lymph node stuff last night and deleted all the websites I had saved. I then went to feel the lymph node that caused most of my worries a few years ago and it is still the same. I just kinda started feeling around and felt pain. I feels like a strained muscle, but there is also a lump. I don't know if it was always there, or if this time it really is a swollen lymph node. It's about the size of a pea or small grape. It only hurts to push on it. It is really hard to trust myself because of all the past fears. I freak out about pregnancy every month and take tests if I don't start my withdrawal bleed by noon on the day it's due. Could this "lump" be in my head? Could I have just strained a muscle somehow? I can not see anything nor do I feel it unless I push on it. I would have never noticed it otherwise. I am so sick of my anxiety. It drives me crazy and makes me think I am either pregnant or dying. I had a pimple "down there" about 4 days ago, popped it, and it feels better. It is on the same side as the lump. I think it could just be from that since it is so close. I don't know. I'm just getting scared again. I got rid of the lymph node stuff two years ago and do not want it to come back!

I should also note that I "had" cancer in my mouth (my gums were totally numb), cancer lump in my shoulder (turned out to literally be my shoulder), cancer on my hand (just carpal tunnel cyst) and I think there have been more. I try everything I can but looking stuff up online just makes it worse. My mom always tells me not to worry about the lumps and stuff because of how I act but what if it's real this time? What if I have cancer or something? It's so scary for me. I can't deal with this lump and thinking I'm pregnant and school and finals! It's going to drive me insane! I think I OCD...but what does everyone else think? I always make situations worse and always find a health problem when I'm really stressed. Help when you can please....and sorry it's so long.

[Mingobear0712]

Thank you very much. I would really like to see a psychologist, I just don't have time or money. I am a college student taking 15 credits and have a job. The pimple is pretty much gone now, it's just the lumps above it (lymph node area) that is worrying me now. It wouldn't bother me at all and i would have never noticed it if it didn't hurt. But now I just realized that it doesn't really feel any different, just hurts. So it could just be pain from something else like straining the muscle. I think I am more scared of being pregnant right now and I'm sure all the other scary things are just popping up too. I don't know what to think anymore. I can't trust myself anymore because of all the things i do when I am worried and stressed. Thank you for your help though. I'm sure I am fine...now back to the pregnancy worry! Ugh!

[D17]

I to suffer from excessive worrying. I am seeing a physchologist and think you should do the same. There are reasons for errational fears sometimes and you just need help talking through it. I have done this since I was a little girl. The lump down there you have by the way is probably just an inflamation from popping the pimple. And lymph node swelling is common. I too have lumps and bumps everywhere and they are nothing. Strangely enough my recent phobia is ms. I totally think I have it.  Don't let these things control you. I am 27 and have let this control me all my life. Get help so you can enjoy your life. Life is so short and you never know what will happen, god has a plan no matter how much you would like to worry about what that plan is. I hope this helps.