Is this just Anxiety & OCD Fears? Please help, going crazy

[Hbrower]

Well first off this is my first year attending college and It's been pretty stressful I must say. I see a normal psychiatrist who told me this is all caused from Anxiety and Irrational fears. Looking back on my life I have always been sorta a worrier, a little shy and anxious.

Let me start off my saying I have had worries like this in the past before about my physical health, but in time they have past due to being so busy in high school. Nowadays in college, I am not as busy and things have been going downhill. About a month ago I had some weird panic attack out of the blue and it must have triggered my anxiety. Ever since, I have been worrying constantly. What is bothering me the most is Derealization and Depersonalization, I feel as though I am living in a dream world, nothing feels real. It's quite weird and it's bothering me lately. Other symptoms I have are fatigue, brain fog, and short temper because I am just so over feeling this way, and lastly a very hard time falling asleep because my mind is constantly worrying which sends me into an Anxiety Attack.

Lately for the life of me, I CANNOT stop thinking that I have Schizophrenia or Bi Polar. It is worrying me like CRAZY. Every time I start feeling better and back to normal, the thought of having one of these mental illnesses will pop into my head and really get me down. I worry about it all day long, and I keep checking my symptoms online which contributes to me feeling this way for sure. I just cant get the thought off my mind for the life of me, no matter what I'm doing, it's on my mind that at any second I'll start hearing voices or have to be admitted to a mental hospital. I just feel like I'm going absolutely crazy because of these thoughts. Deep down, I know I probably don't have either of these Illnesses but I don't know, I am adopted so I have no family back round at all, which adds to the worry even more. I just wish there was someway to know for sure if I had either of these or not :(

This last weekend I went out socializing with friends, had a few beers, and just relaxed. The worries completely left and I was having such a great night with my friends and I felt so good. I mean they'd pop up maybe once or twice and I didn't feel completely normal but nothing like how when I'm at home. Whenever I'm with friends I can smile and just act like my normal outgoing self. But when I'm alone, I constantly worry about having a mental Illness and it's really irritating me :( I seriously have convinced myself that I have Schizophrenia or Bi Polar disorder despite what my parents, and psychiatrist says.

Any advice would help right now

[claudetis23]

You're okay..sounds like you are more of a hypercondriac. That is TOTALLY Normal. BTW if you dont mind me asking what medications are you on?

[Hbrower]

Currently I'm not taking any medications daily. I start CBT tomorrow, and I'm hoping I can overcome this with just that treatment. But, my psychiatrist did prescribe me 50mg Vastrail on an as needed bases because I was having trouble sleeping.

[Cinnamonspider]

You have anxiety -> OCD thought pattern, this is why the thought that something more serious is going on keeps popping up, I have the same thing.

obviously this is like a vicious cycle,
Anxiety -> OCD thoughts "maybe I have schizophrenia" -> increased anxiety -> Physical symptoms -> more worry -> Anxiety/panic attack.

how annoying is it when people just dismiss the fact that you might have something more serious then anxiety? I understand exactly how it is. BUT you have to listen to what people are saying, if it's professionals telling you it's anxiety then it is. the only reason you don't think or want to accept that is because right now you're not thinking rationally, and that's because of the anxiety. (another vicious cycle)
the experts who're diagnosing you ARE thinking rationally, thats why it's important to just accept what their telling you, rather then believing what your brain is telling you, because it's not rational, I know it feels like it is.

I hope this helped, it can be hard to get your head around and you may just read this and say to yourself 'you don't understand!' but I really do.

anxiety is life crippling and hard to get out of, cos everythings a cycle of bad events and it's hard to see clearly as it is.
sometimes i'm so ill with it i feel like i'm terminally ill or something, no over-exaggerating.

I hope the CBT goes well, keep a positive open mind about it.

I'm glad to can have a somewhat normal social life, do you not have the derealisation problems when you're out trying to enjoy yourself?

[alove242574]

everything how u described ur worries and feelings. is exactly how i feel sometimes. i constantly think and think and think about my panic attacks and every medication they give me im too scared to take... i constantly feel like im talking to myself all day and stressing over this....

[mandapanda928]

Your worrying a lot and since your doing that everything is fearful- you fear OCD BI-POLAR THE MENTAL HOSPITAL . That's what your brain is feeding off of because that is the information that is making you fearful . When I was going through this phase I was exactly like that thinking the same exact thing . Sometimes thoughts got better sometimes they got worse but in the end they are THOUGHTS not facts . You can't control them all the time but sometimes when your having these " what if " thoughts face them head on . Okay so right now you maybe thinking well what if I have bipolar ocd what if I go to the mental hospital ? Well if your bipolar you'd be no different. Ocd you'd be no different. Mental hospital you'd be no different . When you dissociate you feel so out of your own body , you mind will feed off anything because you aren't in that moment , when it gets brought up in your mind you click and start getting scared it makes you feel real for a second. Its scary and you don't want to feel it but for some reason this is the way your mind is getting attention. If you have a mental illness who cares you deal with it you go on with your life u still do what you need to do for you, having a mental illness has so much stigma on it that it makes people scared truth is its an illness , I am BI POLAR and I'm still me I just have to take medication to stable out my mood and its ok its nothing to torture yourself over. Mental illness or not stay strong and write down how you feel , notice your triggers, retrain your mind a little if its possible in this stage, and try not to worry so much. You are a beautiful person no matter what .

[paris123204]

What an excellent answer this was.  I am experiencing the exact same thing.  Your rational response has helped put some things into perspective for me.  My anxiety is so high right now - I have trouble sleeping (mind jumps around).  My OCD will focus on that - convincing myself I have Bipolar because of this and that I suffer from depression. I will check the net over and over trying to find infor. to convince myself I don't have Bipolar - or do. LOL  Full-on compulsion by doing this.

Thanks for your post!

[paris123204]

I feel your pain.  Your experiencing what I am right now.  However - I can read your post and rationally think - that you are not bipolar - you have OCD - and are obsessing.  

For me - I have never experienced anxiety at the height it is now - so I keep worrying that there something else wrong.  I've also been having trouble sleeping - my mind just jumps arnd races.  I also am having problems with depression due to anxiety and what it's doing to me @ the moment.  So I will start taking all of these symptoms and start applying them to bipolar ..... however - my dr., 2 phys, and my counsellor all have said I don't have bipolar - but I still obsess.  So not that you have read my post (and it's about someone else ) - can you see how it's your OCD messing around with you?  Try and do some ERP.  

[worryocd]

You have theh same obsessions as me.  I have been worrying I'm bipolar as well - as my anxiety has never been @ the height it is right now so i keep thinking that this is no my normal - and it must be bipolar.  I too can't sleep. My brain jumps from one thing to another when I try and sleep and it causes me to have panic.  So I have to take a sleeping pill.  It's been like this for months.

I would say you are the same as me - GAD/OCD.  You have depression from your anxiety - which is what I'm struggling with too.

My anxiety also causes me to have physical sensations which just about drives me nuts - because my anxiety will focus.  My heart pounds continually a lot of the time too.

Couple of suggestions.  An SSRI will help you with your OCD - I'm on one, but I can't go high enough on it - and it's not the one for me.  So I'm going to switch.

Once your anxiety gets down - do ERP for OCD and CBT for GAD.  Build a team for your recovery - a good doctor, counsellor and/or phyc.  Also try and make sure you have some family that is supportive too.  

When I have very brief moments of anxiety free during the day (not very often as of late) - and I'm calmer, these thoughts don't bug me as much.  

Your central nervous system is very heightened right now from your anxiety.  It's just a vicious circle.

I'm really sorry you are going through this - I have been struggling for 10 mos and it's been hell.  There are some days I think I can't handle it anymore ...Hang in there and try some of the suggestions on the site.

A big no no in OCD is re-assurance.  It just feeds the anxiety.

[worryocd]

well said ;0)

[Courtmt]

I swear reading this was like reading something I wrote myself. I've been struggling with anxiety since I was 16. I go on and off medication only going back on it when my anxiety gets back to this point. Recently I've fallen back into my anxiety and started my medication only a few days ago. My main problems are the exact same. I constantly fear that I have a larger problem, more specifically I'm afraid that I have schizophrenia even though I've talked to my psychiatrist and psychologist and I've been diagnosed with GAD. Still I constantly fear that there's something more wrong so I Google symptoms of disorders, mainly schizophrenia, and like you said it only makes things worse. But I also have severe feelings of depersonalization which causes me too look up the symptoms to try and understand why I feel so out of it and spacey. The same thing is true for me as it is for you in that when I'm at work or out with people who do not know about my anxiety I force myself not to think about it and I don't feel this way. Only when I'm by myself and start thinking do these thoughts get stuck in my head and make me feel like I'll never go back to just being happy and carefree. But this is the third time I've "relapsed" back into my anxiety and I remember feeling this way before and everything going back to normal after I was on medication for a while. But when you're experiencing it the thoughts are so persistent they defeat you and make you feel like nothing will ever get better. My advice is to never Google anything no matter how much you want to. It will almost always make you feel worse instead of better. Your post has helped me to feel better knowing I'm not the only one with this specific thought. I hope the best for you I know how terrible this is.

[riicky92]

I just seen this and it reminds me o my self but I don't worry about mentiel illness I'm always worrying about my heart or thinking I have a brain tumor or cancer it is a pain in the *** and I'm all ways getting sharp pains all over my body from my head to my feet and all so have the dream feeling and sort of memory loss I've been to the hospitel 5 times in the last 6 weeks and all they say I am fine all so have hade stress test and heart eko done on my heart and all is ok but I can't stop worrying that there is something wrong with me I hate livening like this as I youst to all ways be out with my friends but now all I can do is stay in my room I hate it so much

[riicky92]

And I for got to I've lose my apatite I weos a big eater but now the thort of food just makes me sick

[AlainaLynn16]

that is how i feel like im 16yrs old n just started getting them right after my bf aunt n cousin died because of a train accident n i never even met them could i just be totally stressed out because if how he is feeling cause i dont feel like im stressed ever i just have anxiety attacks on my mind all the time and everytime im fine n stuff my head will just start thinking somethin s gonna happen and then i start to have one again im to scared to do anything like ik this sounds weird but if im with friends out of town i start to freakout n think somethin is going to happen it scares me like if im not around my mom which is my only arent i dont feel safe at all even sometimes when i am around her i dont feel safe but i get to scared to sleep cause everything rushes thourgh me n i have melotomin to help me sleep but i am to scared to take it

[menonitefury]

Hbrower,

You literally summed up all my thoughts lately. It's really hard to explain because sometimes I get some of the darkest, most discouraging thoughts I've ever had. Today, they started to go away and I became very elated that I could concentrate again. My shear joy gave me quite a fright as I was thinking that it was a sign of me being Bi-Polar. Either way, my faith has really given me peace, even when I think its unobtainable. I am doing CBT right now, I really don't want to have to end up on medications. This seriously came out of the blue for me. I had my first panic attack about a month ago. Since then, the anxiety really hasn't left.

[spitzgib]

Uugh! I feel the same way that you do. I think I have discovered a pattern for me. I seem to have a specific trigger.  When I get overly stressed and worried, that leads to days and weeks of anxiety and worry. Can't sleep, and the worst, is I take on symptoms of whatever illness seems to be on my mind. I have had heart pains, neck discomfort and I feel like I'm choking, I actually got so stressed I was causing numbness in my legs and arms. My good friend has  breast cancer, so now I am experiencing discomforts and "think" I have breast cancer. This all started from stress that just snowballed into me being "sick". I think that I do an ok job with keeping it all at bay. I exercise regularly and I really, really push myself out of bed to do so. I really, really force myself to try to keep a regular routine. I have two sons that motivate me to try to be normal. But it's so hard. It is so hard. Its so consuming. I was afraid of meds too but finally met with a a councelor last year. We traced back the anxiety and I had realized that I had been experiencing this longer than I thought, just in different ways. She also prescribed a very mild anxiety med, which I didn't want to take but this time around I am taking it. It helps a lot and I don't feel groggy or anything. It's pretty mild and it works. I'm a teacher and have children who experience this anxiety...that just about kills me. I know how i feell so it rips my heart apart thinking how a child must feel. The confustion for them is unbareble. Anyway, I know that for me, two things seem to help; exercise (stress release but it also reminds me that a sick person would not be running 5 miles so I'm probably ok) and just admitting it. Saying it out loud tends to help too. And, looking up symptoms of my phantom illness does NOT help in anyway. I force myself to stay away from google and the doctor's office as much as possible. I think that finding positive ways to deal with it, putting in place routines to help makes a big difference for me. I'm in the midst of an anxiety attack period and can't wait to get through it. It is 32 degrees out, but I need a run to clear my mind!! I wish everyone luck.

[adhdocd123]

I suffer from OCD and I'm currently on the "scared i'm bipolar fear" i've also had many fears of being gay, hurting people (including myself) and border line personality. I would research the web for HOURS!! and when ever I started feeling better i would freak out and think all of these things are coming true and its the true me!

But, i'ts not. Just your brain messing with you. Google an image search for ocd cycle to get a better idea of how it works.

ExRP ERP worked for me they say it helps to be on an SSRI to calm the feelings that the thoughts impose on you (which they did for me) It is very important to do more exposure when your coming off the meds too. The meds are only a temporary fix!

Tell your self you are bipolar! and manic or depressed and keep on going about your day like everyone else said STAY OFF google the more you keep researching about them for REASSURANCE the more anxiety will be provoked.

The fears come and go themes change and so does the intensity over time.
they will always be there but less bothersome with help of someone who is trained in exrp or erp.

Hope this helps

Now get up direct your attention to something else.

[debz174]

I know exactly how you feel sometimes its like being n a nightmare but your awake!!! My biggest problem is anxiety and depersonilazation which i have had very badly for the last to weeks,,, went straight to doctors who put me on meds for my anxiety fingers crossed that they will kick in soon, best of luck stay strong as they say things can only get better xx

[jman82383]

Hi everyone.. I think im in the same boat as all of you.  I constantly worry that i have either bipolR or schizo.  My thoughts jump around like crazy.  When something triggers my worries i start getting these paranoid thoughts.  Keep in mind i have to be triggered to have these thoughts.  Like the other day some one was talking about a government conspiracy show and right after i s started having thoughts about my house being bugged with camera.... Ughhh i know its not true but the thoughts are there when there is a trigger.  Right now im on lexapro which seems to be helping.  But i still think im losing my mind sometimes.  Its a really scary thing.

[Dannysmiles19]

To everyone on this thread: It's very common. All of the details each and every one of you mention, it's all common.

Most of the time....bipolar is not diagnosed to those who fear it. It's a fear because we are so caught up in ourselves and our thoughts, our mind, the state it feels like it's in, the mood swings, and the constant bombardment of stress.

It's very tough. I had a terrible year. I thought 2012-2013 would be great...but then I went to hospitals feeling inadequate for life and feeling like I couldn't press on. Everything stressed me...and I thought I was truly suffering from severe mental illness. Anxiety can offshoot those kind of thoughts and they manifest as fears of schizophrenia, bipolar, or any psychotic disorder etc. It's a terrible feeling.

Every person is different and unique. Each person's anxiety is its own...and it's incredibly difficult to treat and overcome. You feel crazy, out of touch, spacey, like your mind isn't yours, and you feel like the world is scary, you withdraw from friends and family, and you just can't take it anymore.

Anxiety/Depression  caused by a multitude of factors can be very disabling... Know that it is the most common mental health problem in America and it's a real *****.

But here is the truth, none of you are psychotic and probably most if not all of you aren't even on the bipolar spectrum. It's just an obsessive fear brought on by the changes that occur with time. When I was younger, i wasn't fearing these things and I wasn't so uptight. These disorders get worse in late teens and into the twenties. And it's a terrible feeling...but it's not bipolar. I have feared I have a personality disorder like borderline because I don't have anyone close to me and my mind is able to pull out thought processes that back up my fears. That is why anxiety and obsessive thinking can be so damaging and hard to deal with.

My advice: try to get connected to family, seek therapy, and change behavior. Many things cause your miseries...one big factor for me is the seasonal patterns. With less sunlight, I suffer more. It'll be okay....it takes effort on your part and it could take medications to help. It's a *****. You feel like life is just not fair...but it will get better...keep the faith.

[tey22]

i have feared bipolar, autism and that gad would turn into hand washing ocd. its just i know that gad causes u to add meaning to things. but on these very rare occasions i felt some depression and then within a minute i got this surge of energy. it didnt last long at all like an hour. the reason ive been worrying bipolar is cuz i dont do anything all day cuz im in the process of getting rid of the last unhealthy habit in my life which is porn. once the withdrawal subsidesi can function again. And the thing im worried about is that when i do mental tasks, creative thoughts will get me overly excited. See in my mind of gad, the only thing that i predict is that when i get a single creative thought, ill just get so exicited about it that ill feel manic. Do we fear bipolar because their is a fine line between anxious happiness and mania?

[jrjrjr210]

Hey i'm 14 and i keep worrying if i have bipolar ever since i googled it and when i heard that anxiety can turn into bipolar i got really worried and ever since ive been worrying 24/7 and i have been getting weird thoughts i dont know if my mind is just playing on it :( and ive also had creative thoughts but i thought that was just a normal part of anxiety
Please help!

[jrjrjr210]

Oh yeh on the creative thoughts part i ment imagination

[joewest87]

I have a different version of this habit, it comes during boring and solitary times of my life but this time really feels like its not gonna go. I can only describe it as a fear over what I fear. As in, I keep having thoughts that this habit is not going to fade away this time and that I have changed since this time last year etc. It involves thoughts such as deja vu of times when I was 'normal', fearful impulses that the habit is here to stay now, as well as fearful thoughts of my future tainted by this habit. The worst part is that whenever one of these thoughts enter my mind, I have to immediately work out how and why it did so, in order to clarify that it doesn't mean a new 'revelation' of the habit getting worse than it already is. If I forget what the thought was then I usually end up in a panicked state for hours on end, unallowed to sleep or focus on anything else until it is remembered, even though I know in my head that it was just another thought. I also have this weird kind of automatic hate for people and even things I see on TV. It seems the more attention I give these habits, the stronger they are and more likely they are to occur. The trouble is that they are so frequent at times, that its more of a constant 'state' rather than recurring thought patterns. Anyone out there relating to this at all?

[Shawad]

Hi joe

I am suffering from more or less the same thing as you. I am diagnosed with OCD, panic disorder and morbid depression. I have more or less had it all my life although I was only really diagnosed with it in 2005. I had a minor successful spell of CBT in 2005, but I think that was in part to the realisation of finally being diagnosed with the illness which helped to relieve some anxiety. Within the period of respite I have been successful and built up a large company which employs over 500 members of staff, so there is hope for all OCD suffers out there. However due to the recent stress I have had a severe relapse and its all based on the same issue with what you seem to be
dealing with. I just have this thought going over and over in my head that I am never going to be able to distract myself from OCD, I don't even have a particular intrusive thought which comes with it, just the constant fear of having OCD and I will never pull myself away from it and when I do try to distract myself I just have an overwhelming fear of anxiety and then depression, which then leads to severe panic disorder feeling like there is no hope and I'm going crazy. Things are really tough at the moment.

[ocdmeyou]

My comment is probably to late for this post, but I will respond for the others who are suffering with the same thing. First off I just want to let you know that OCD and anxiety come hand and hand. Depression can also arise with the helplessness that you feel. I come from a family that suffers from OCD and let me just start off by saying medication does not help. The side effects of these medications can make OCD and anxiety even worst. My mother suffers from OCD and WAS on medication that messes with her nervous system and caused permanent damage to it. Along with suicidal thoughts and bi polar behavior that the medication actually caused, she flushed the medication down the toilet. You have remember that the people who prescribe these harmful medications are only doctors who are quick to make a buck and probably have never suffered from this debilitating disorder. You need a holistic doctor, go to Whole Foods (look it up), and start yourself on PURE vitamin B's. start on low dosage and increase slowly. Do  this with a holistic doctor. Medicine doctors believe in what they practice: medicine. Inform yourself on documentarys on doctors who have cured depression, other mental illnesses, and cancers with change of diet and vitamins. It does not help right away, but will help in the long run. You will have better control. I also suffer from OCD, sever OCD, and have suffered with it since I was five. I was worried that when my parents would walk out the door, they wouldn't come back. Then I was scared I wouldn't wake up if I fell asleep which made for very very long nights at the age of 9. At 11 I became worried that someone would break in and I check the doors and windows over and over for thirty min. until I could convince myself that the doors were actually locked. Then I thought there was going to be a fire or a carbon leak, and started checking ovens and the basement over and over everyday. At thirteen-fifteen, it got progressively worst. I thought I was going to kill my family or sexually asult someone. I knew I wasn't going to do any of these things, but I thought I was. These bad thoughts were vivid and gruesome and I thought I was going to actually act out these horrific scenes. Some nights I would stare at my hands and know that they are actually in front of me but think I'm doing something bad. I'd look myself in the room because I thought I would hurt someone. Today I found this site on my 13yr old sisters iPod, who happens to be sleeping right now. She is scared of the same thing that you are. She thins she has schizophrenia. Another thing that will help is having someone you trust and a deeply understanding person to talk to that will counter your thoughts. A deeply understanding person and a good diet will change you. At 21, im living breathing proof that this will work. I still have OCD but I can control it. What I will tell my sister and what I will tell you is that someone suffers with schizophrenia will not think they have schizophrenia! Nor will they loose sleep about it. Remember that and counter those thoughts