It's like I'm working through every scenario.

[PurpleBadger]

I think anxiety has made me a hypercondriac.

I have visited the doctor god-knows how many times since the summer of last year. It began with sore eyes and blurred vision, moved to headaches, migranes, pressure in head, sore joints, severe nosebleeds, chest pain, edema, skin rashes/off-colour patches, abdominal bloating and pain, sickness, dizziness, heart pain and irregular beats. I have had MRIs, vision and hearing tests, ECGs, blood work and much more which has all been negative.

My new scare is a virus I think I have - I hope it's nothing worse, at least - Since sunday. I have an upset stomach and all the horrible bits that go with it. : (

But my new fear is how thin my blood has gotten. Unlike many before, I have evidence. The severe nosebleeds, for one, which would not clot for half an hour and bled so strongely I had to go to A&E (ER). I recently noticed my gum bleeding quite badly (for a gum bleed), and the last 2 blood tests I did wouldn't clot for a while. I don't know why my blood is so thin and I don't know what to do.

My real horror is that I can't stop it. It's like I can see this happening to myself. My mind is working it's way through every part of my body and finding somehting wrong and one day, there might actually be something wrong and i'll pass it off. But, in the mean time, I can't live like this. It's actually tiring. I can't sleep for fear and panic attacks.

I am scared that when I run out, I will start thinking about my mind. I will somehow force myself to forget things or do dumb things so I can worry that I am going mental or developing memory loss of some kind. I have 'magically' developed fake symptoms up until now. The other day, I picked up the phone and for some reason said goodnight instead of hello and I got so scared for hours that I was going mental.

Even If I tell myself, NO, YOU ARE PICKING UP ON EVERYTHING. I know it won't work. It'll slowly creep in.

I'm only 20. I don't want the rest of my life to be this, and I don't want to go mental.

My doctor has recommended me a councellor, all though I don't want to see them, because it's my last lifeline and if they can't help I have no hope. : (

[metalfan1]

I know how you feel in my first few months of having anxiety disorder I went to the doctor cause I though I was having all sorts of illnesses. And yes, I even convinced myself that I had some sort of fatal illness. And to be honest with you I still have moments like that from time to time. But what's helped me is that I've come to realize that when I feel anxious my minds seeks out certain things and ignores others. Like I'm sure that you have been told by many doctors that you're fine but that doesn't comfort you cause all you think about is the symptoms that your mind sees. So you're focused on the negative only. But in reality you're fine. I'm positive that those blood tests you did came out normal but because they didn't comeout exactly to your liking your mind is making you think that you're sick. And as for your last lifeline comment I want to reassure you that it's not. Sometimes you have to try out different therapists until you fine the right one that can help you. Plus I found out that talking to people on here has really hepled me, sometimes even more so than talking to a professional. So don't give up hope. And even if you feel that it doesn't help keep telling yourself that you're fine cause the mind needs those constant positive messeges being fed into it. Good luck, and I'm here if you need to chat.

[PurpleBadger]

Thank you.

I hope so!

Good luck

[cnote]

You sound just like me. You can get through this though!

[PurpleBadger]

Thank you : )

I don't know... It was just one of my worried thoughts.

I keep going irrational..But never notice until I'm calm.

I'll try my best!

[loz23]

Hi :)

At least you realise that maybe something isnt quite right :)
Where did you get this idea that a counsellor is your last life line?... Some of the thoughts that you are having seem to be controlling your life.

Go see the counsellor. Seriously. There is plently of hope - dont let your thoughts get the better of you please.