Life feals unreal

[BIAC]

This started 1 year ago. I was 22 when it started. It was like everything just crashed in my head. I feel like life is unreal. Like the world and universe is a project of illusion from my mind. I don't know if it is just coincidence but it feels like if I start thinking a lot about something, it appears everywhere. If I think something will change in one way, it usually does. It feels like what I think is real is real..

I feel good some times but then things like thinking about things like: space, reality, reasons for existens and living, what happends after death etc triggers it all to start again. I start to see everything "blurry", everything i see is blurry like when you watch a old VHS movie. Sometimes it looks like Shadows are moving.

I am so scared. I just want to live. I just want life to be real. I want my family and friends to be real, I want myself to be real. I am so scared that it is all a dream or illusion, 3D game or what ever. I get so scared that my heart starts beating and I get extremely cold and almost like I will die.

I have asked for a doctors apointment and it has now been 5 months since I asked for that. I meet a doctor and told him everything, he said that another doctor will take care of me because I have Asperger syndrome and that doctor knows it better. It might take several months untill I meet him.

I am so scared and alone, I live far away from my family in a new city where i know no one and I don't have a job so I dont meet anyone.

[nursegirl6572]

Both of need to research "derealization".  I would bet money that's exactly what you both are dealing with.  It's a very common side effect of severe and/or chronic anxiety (panic).  While it may be disturbing and frustrating, it's completely harmless.  It's an alteration in our perception of the world around us.

Bad news is...it can persist for a while, and the good news is, once you start addressing the anxiety and get it to a more manageable level, the DR will slowly start to improve as well.  

Look in my journal list on my profile...you'll see a journal about this...along with MANY comments from people who have gone through it too.  I think you'll be relieved to discover that what you're feeling is actually a real symptom on anxiety, with a name.

A similar symptom is "depersonalization".  That's also due to anxiety, and it is similar, only the alteration in perception has more to do with a person's perception of self, versus in SR, it relates to our surrounding environment.  DR is more common.

If you haven't yet..you need to seek out some professional help to start dealing with the anxiety.  Let us know how you're doing.  Puhlrabit...you can post any updates to your thread, so we don't get confused between the both of you.

Hang in there..best of luck!

[Puhlrabit]

Ok needed to add some.. so my feeling was of mostly detachment I felt like I was living life in a dark third person view kind of feeling..and if it wasn't for my girlfriend being there for me and my daughter being around I'd be worse off.. I know this feeling and it scares me too... I've gotten panic for severe I almost unconsciously jumped out of my own bed to just run with no real idea of where to run to... At work I get the same way I feel like I just need to run and get out like fight or flight mode..and my reality has gone askew at times where I feel like I'm in a video game and I want it to just end... But if sought out help talking to a shrink, for lack of a better word..and I'm understanding what's going on.. They suggested going on A forum to talk to people who feel similar.. And your my first read and post.. Just hang in there..what you see is real and life is too.. Cling on to it and don't get lost like it sounds like we both are.. And like I said see if an old friend it family can come down and spend time with you and talk it out with them and a therapist so you can get back to normal again.. or chat with more people on here too.. I hope these two posts help you out a little..

[Puhlrabit]

I know the feeling I don't get the same blurry visual but at moments I feel like everything I see is brighter and I feel as if I'm clear headed but light headed...clench my teeth at times to feel... But knowing how crappy life can be at times.. Well in my life I know it's real and if I know it's real and am responding to you your real too... I get just as scared and cold and shaky and feel like death but trust me everything is ok... Try and contact someone to stay with you a little while help you get out and meet people do you have people to relay on that are close... And trust me your fine and you are real...