Do you ever worry that something bad happened when you know it didn't?

[Chance13]

I have pretty bad anxiety about contracting HIV and the problem manifests itself in many different forms. Lately I have been wondering if I did something to put myself at risk. But not from actual situations. My latest fixation has been waking up in the morning and thinking, "Did I go out last night?" "Did I do something to put myself at risk?" When I pretty much know I didn't. I say "Pretty much" because I have a really vivid, self destructive imagination that tries to make me believe things that aren't real, or sometimes I fear that my dreams are real situations from the past.

I have to go over and over the night in my mind to convince myself that nothing happened, but it doesn't really help. If I was drinking at all during the night I think that I might have been drunk and done something to put myself in danger even if I wasn't drunk and even though it is not in my nature to do stuff like sleep with random people when I drink. It ***** so much because It seems like if I don't have anything real to focus on, my mind makes stuff up. Like I have to constantly be anxious. Does anyone else have these kind of experiences? Do you ever have to try to convince yourself that everything really is ok and nothing bad happened even though nothing did happen? This really wears me out!

[Chance13]

Thanks you both so much for responding and for your comforting words. I am feeling better now but sometimes I just feel so frustrated. It's like every day is a struggle sometimes. I am really trying to stay away from meds. I try to calm myself in other ways; ta'i chi, tea, meditation, exercise. I have been on paxil before and hated it. The withdrawals were terrible too. I am currently working to find a regular therapist.

[alee520]

What you are feeling is not uncommon. Many people experience HIV related anxiety. Its scary I know. However, you are not alone. Eventually you will control the anxiety and keep it under control. Have patience, things will get better. There are many poeple here willing to offer you advice from their personal experiences.

[XxColdFusionxX]

Hi Chance13, I've had times like that before. Last year at the peak of my anxiety, I was terrified that I had cancer, along with a list of other health conditions, I know the feeling of losing reality as you describe, and also know that telling you to calm down will do nothing, I suggest seeing a doctor, if you find no matter what you do, you're always in a state of panic, and worry for more than a few months (I say a few months because I've seen people have short term panic attacks and anxiety for only a few months) than seeing a doc, could really help, whether he give you medication, or wants you to see a councilor. If you want to talk, feel free to PM me, or E-mail me at Colin_Rockss***@****.