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My adult son seems to hate me
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My adult son seems to hate me

I am trying to do what is right for my son right now, which is walk away from him and no longer try to contact him.  But my heart is breaking, I think of horrible things; anger, depression, revenge (not to him - a long story).  I have chronic depression, had it since I was 16.  I am 55 years old now.  My 27 year old son is my only child (well I had a baby a few years before my son that died after being delivered at 6 months.  His father had beaten me, I went into labor.)   So when this son came, he was so special to me.   Maybe too special.  I felt that God had given me another chance and I tried so hard not to mess it up.  Stayed with his father for 22 years, a very negative, depressing man who kept me DOWN all of the time.  He would call and read the obituaries to me, or call and read me stories of men who killed their wives.   When my son was a Senior, and started treating me much like my husband, I couldn't take it anymore and left.   I have tried for nine years now to maintain some kind of relationship with my son.  Recently he stepped over the line by telling me off about something simple that I had said to his girlfriend -- and it really was nothing -- but he took the opportunity to rage at me and cuss me out.  You could feel the venom in his voice.   I was shocked and devastated.   Surely I had to be a terrible mother to cause this.    Such confusion, pain, heartbreak.   I e-mailed him (because I know he wouldn't answer my call) and said Look, this all got out of hand.  I was wrong for what I said, and your yelling and cursing at me wasn't very nice either.   So why don't we just start over?  You only have one mother and I only have one son.  Life is too short to let these kinds of things separate us.   Can we start over?

I have gotten no response from him, and I don't think I will.   I am sure that he is still angry at me over the divorce, and his behavior and attitude towards me are far worse than his father's ever was.  My son is 27 years old, isn't he old enough to see the reality of things?     I am struggling very much and trying to go on.  But it gets harder as everyday goes by and I feel the separation growing wider.    Suggestions?   Anything that I can hold onto????
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No, your not a bad mother. His father taught your son how to act this way. I'm my family you learn at a very young age not to disrespect your mother, it's just not done.
Your son needs counseling and this is something only he can decide to do for himself. You can talk to him about it but you can't make him go.
I do understand about him being your only child. I have an only child myself. But you can not put up with the way he treats you.
It might take you separating yourself from him for awhile for him to come around and see that he needs help and can not treat you this way.
I hope things work out for you. I'm always here to listen. Take care. Remar
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I am new to the internet - this discussion is like an answer to my prayers - too upset to say more - thank you
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Avatar_m_tn
my son is 19 he walked alway from me also because of his sisters and a women iam hurt he is my only son and baby boy i miss him but i will not stand for him hurting me anymore with his words my daughter mean well but sometimes they hurt me also  let god and let god work it out    by SLD
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I am so sorry to hear that someone else is feeling the pain of a chidl who hates them.  My son seems to believe everything his wife tells him about me.  It seems that he picked me to be the one to hate.  He know that his wife is a pathological lier, that she has addictive behavior, and that she dislikes me, but he dosen't care. He lashes out at me every chance he gets. I am always trying to help out in anyway that I can, but he just hates me.  I never thought I would give birth to a child whom I thought could walk by and see me in need of CPR and he would keep walking.  It's all because I won't accept his choice of women he wants to bring into our life. i.e., drug users, unfit mother, practice prostitution,; you name it she dose it. He seems to migrate to these type women. His first wife was a GOOD woman; hard worker, gave him his space,  and she loves the family. He is very hard to read; he HATES me because he says I am the one who can make things work. He blames me because I won't accept the life style his wife lives and allow her to bring that life style into my home.  When they got together we acepted her into our home and continured to do so until we found out what she was doing.  At that time, everything changed and he realky started let his hatred for me be known..  I love him, but I just can't keep allowing him to walk on my hear and feelings.  Is there anyone who can help me with "letting go"?  He is 44 years old, but he is still my child.
Am64
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