too sensitive to have problems

[smartypants40]

Hi there it is nice having a placing to talk to people about issues i have also i hope can help give support to you all back. Anyway am i no way blaming my past but i was bought up where both my parents were abusive to me verbally and i have carried this through to my adult life needing people to be there to gratify my every needs. it seems i need many pats on the back to make my life important.

Im marryed to a wonderful man and have been with him for 21  years we have 2 children one is 9 and one 5, my folks died when i was 28 mum, stepdad, real dad all within 3 months of each other. and a year later nana.
its only in the last 5 years have i figiven mum for how she was to me, but i cant seem to get on in the work environmenmt as i feel i constantly \need to prove something in order to fit in.
The girls then get turned off then i feel they are talking about me becuase when i walk up to them they walk awaay.
i know i am not that important, but i cant help it , WHAT DO I DO??

[nora006]

All children want their parents' love and understanding and will therefore, if love is not freely offered to them,go to extreme lengths in order to TRY to obtain it, even if the parents in reality have no love to offer. This is a tragic truth that a child cannot grasp as it would be impossible for a child to understand that her parents cannot offer her love(why would they bring her into this world if not?), let alone abuse her (which is not seldom presented as love).
As adults we can come to terms with the truth, though the complexity of the process of healing can be of such a nature that it often requires professional help.


Nora

[smartypants40]

i have never delt with the death of my parents and furthermore i guess when they abused me as a children and up till i was 28 ( when they died) and they rang the next day fine in the morning i wanted their love and believed they would chsnge, however at night or from 4pm when they began to abuse me i was hurt and lost trust again. mum died of suicide and both fathers heart attacks.

today i have lost the ability to trust new people or i go the other way masybe i open up to much and spill out.

When people like my boss give me work options like for example today he said he has employed 2 staff that want to work 5 days and prehaps i might want to have a day off, my trust lacks now becuase i have not got the confidence to assert myself and have my needs met. He keeps thinking  and saying that i dont need the money, but this is an assumption, because we do and i dont want to have to explain that to him.

Where i have a trust problem is i am worried he needs me to take a day off to accodate these new staff , or is he really thinking of me my mind is racing
i want to tell him im sorry i need to work 5 days at the moment.  

[nora006]

Don't want to add to confusion, so:
In my opinion; the past is to blame more often than we'd like to think. Anyone who's experienced (any kind of) abuse in their childhood will suffer from emotional confusion/insecurity and identity issues so long as the past is not looked into and taken seriously.

[nora006]

Quote:
"Anyway am i no way blaming my past but i was bought up where both my parents were abusive to me verbally and i have carried this through to my adult life needing people to be there to gratify my every needs"


Do you see that your statement is highly contradictive?


Nora

[smartypants40]

thank you all i am having to get ready now for work hubby gone away so yes could be a bit depressed as i suffer with depression, and am anti depressents and i also take serquel for calming the brain down it speeds up like a mouse on a treadmill

have a good day

[theotterone]

You want to look into therapy with a mental health professional...  I take "offense" at this statement though:

smartypants40: "i know i am not that important"

You are that important!  You may be dealing with depression too.  You ARE important.  A mental health professional can help you see things more objectively too.

Good luck!

[smartypants40]

thank you so much can you keep chatting to me i need the support i am looking into self therpy

tasha

[toejam_muncher]

what you do is therapy. your situation happens more often than some people realize....and therapy helps. my thoughts are that any time something from your childhood has effected you so deeply that it causes you continuous problems in adulthood, then it's a very good idea to try to resolve those issues via therapy. have you already tried that route? this doesn't mean you had bad parents or a bad childhood...it simply means you need to work out some  unresolved issues. i'd rather think of it as self improvement rather more so than therapy.