I can't do that for the second time... :/

[ThePinkFloyd]

Hi there :) As my title sais...I can't do that again. Aproximately 6 months ago I did a very very stupid thing and had uprotected oral sex with a sex worker. I started devoling a huge amound of stress in the point of living everyday with tachycardia for at least 1 month utill I had my first test for stds. I even developed a skin problem related to my anxiety. Months passed and I took my 3 months test and thank god they were negative. I was waiting for my conclusive 6months test (for hepatitis)...and I had manage to control my anxiety and sadness and then I made a very stupid thing again.I did feel relaxed for a few days and becaouse due to my anxiety I didnt go with a woman for allmost six months I went to a ''working place''.I did everything protected and as far as I know the condom was intact(I even checked it with water!).I was sorry the second I left the ''house''.All those memmories became alive again.In top of that 2 weeks from that event I am diagnosed with an enlarged lymph node. I just cant do that again and wait 3 months...waiting for the possivble bad resoult...I dont know if my fear is legit or just psychological anymore.I dont even now if I had developed some kind of Hypochondriasis.Should I talk to a proffetional chycologist? Do I have to test? I dont want to spend my days thinking all the ''what if''.I just dont trust my self for deciding if I am worring needlessly or if there is an actuall reason. Sorry for the large text I just kinda felt like writting about it :(

[ThePinkFloyd]

I orderded a full blood std's check today and I am waiting the resaults in 2 weeks...I can only hope that if the test's are all negative I will be able to forget about my last encounter before 2 weeks and move and never think of it again. Yet again I guess it is better to be anxious and sad instead sick for real right? :/

[ThePinkFloyd]

I really hope they can becouase I cant keep on like this,its like a prison...only you are not really sure if it is there...but I keep telling my self there are people out there with real and more heavy health problems...like people who cant walk or even move..and this keeps me to the ground.I really apreceate your effort and your advice.

[MelissaW33]

I agree with Michigan07. Seek help from a mental health professional, they can help you deal with your anxiety and fears.

[ThePinkFloyd]

In any case I thank you very much your taking the time to reply to me :) It is really suporting to know that there are people out there who care about other people's problems. Take care :)

[ThePinkFloyd]

Yes,the only thing that drives me crazy is that this time i actually have a real ''symptom''.I do have a swallen lymph node according to the doctor. I just cant manage this situation again alone...I took all the protection I could possibly take (ecxept of not do it at all) and still my fears are back :(. I hope someday I can go back to the psycological state I was before all this began.I thought that waiting 6 months for conclusive resaults would take away my fear.But if I am scared for a protected even then how am I going to have a healthy relationship with a girl? I guess its true what they say....**** just happens... :/

[michigan07]

Since the fear you are having is taking up a significant amount of your time and life you should consider talking to someone regarding your fears and anxiety. We are all human and we all do dumb things now and again. However, having the anxiety consume your time like this will not help. Seek someone out whom you can talk to such as a therapist so they can help you sort out your anxiety.