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Panic and Agoraphobia for 8 years, scared of meds (help)
My issue is, I'm extremely medicine phobic. I'm literally terrified of meds, even antibiotics, and most of the time I won't take anything prescribed to me. It took me months to start taking medicine for my acid reflux, and over a year to start taking a beta blocker for my heart. I'm in my late 20s, male, and I've had panic attacks and agoraphobia since 2000.
I am tired of doctors giving me conflicting information about what I should do. I've had doctors prescribe xanax alone, xanax and welbutrin, xanax and zoloft, and now klonopin and zoloft. I never take them, I just pay for them, try to believe I will take them, then put them away and never look at them again. I really need help and advice here, I have been suffering for so damn long and now I have yet another relationship about to break down and fail because of my panic disorder. I've been with this girl for almost two years, and she's been patient, but it seems like meds are the only way I have a hope of being somewhat normal again.
Here's a rundown of my anxiety :
Summer of 2000, I quit smoking, found out my girlfriend had cheated on me, the company I worked for was bought out which made things very stressful, I had been on a business trip alone which spooked me, I saw Final Destination before that trip, and I quit smoking cold turkey when I was smoking 2 packs a day. I had just turned 21 that summer, and then I started having my first anxiety attacks during storms. I don't know why, it was bad weather. By December, I was having my first panic attacks when we got hit with a very nasty blizzard system and my employers wouldn't let me go home.
2002 I began complaining about my heart a lot, it kept doing weird jump type things which would make me lose my breath completely. It felt like I was getting eletrocuted from the inside out. I finally went to the ER about 6 months later, doctors sent me home saying my blood work was fine.
By this time I had been seeing a family friend psychiatrist who had tried to get me on xanax, but I was medicine phobic and he had no luck other than getting me to try it once. That one time I tried it, I was actually able to go to a movie without being panicked, but then I became terrified the next day of being addicted to a drug.
In 2006, I had an infection in my tonsils so bad that I had a temperature of 104 for one week straight, and then 101 for 3 weeks. I was in the hospital twice for elevated heart rate, the first time I was stuck at 140, the second my BPM was 185 while resting, even while observed for hours at the hospital. The ER doctors were stumped, but noticed when my temperature when down via meds, my heart rate would lower to 100-115.
I followed up on my heart as instructed after the infection passed, which was believed to be viral since they put me on every antibiotic they could think of including Augmentin and Levaquin, neither which helped at all. For the first time in my life, I actually had to use short term disability at an employer since I was out of commission for over 4 weeks. When I followed up on my heart, I expected nothing abnormal, but doctors had 4 abnormal EKGs in a row. They referred me to a cardiologist.
Echo was good, EKGs were always abnormal, I wore a monitor for 30 days and the doctor said that per their findings my heart rate would elevate for what seemed to be no reason at random times, even when I was sleeping. It'd usually go to the 140s-160s, or zip up and down from 90 to the mid 100s every 5-10 seconds. They said it was like revving a car engine, and I was going to cause damage eventually or stroke out if I didn't do something. They prescribed Inderal LA 60mg, I refused to take it.
A year later, I had been hospitalized three times for my heart, and I finally had a firefighter really lay some realities down for me, saying I was going to kill myself essentially. He promised me that the inderal wouldn't hurt me, and said he'd even take it as a healthy person if it was over the counter because it helps keep your blood pressure down and heart slow which is rarely a bad thing (unless you're prone to fainting). After the talk with him, I decided to take it, but I was extremely panicked about doing so.
So here I am today, it has been just over a year since I started taking Inderal. Doctors promised me it'd help with panic attacks too, but the only thing it does is not let my heart race as much during them. I then have to worry more about losing my mind or doing something crazy, which is just as terrifying. I have a prescription here of Klonopin .5mg which the latest psychiatrist tells me to take "as needed", not daily, and a prescription of Zoloft which he wants me to take for the very long term. He claims Zoloft will be my key to overcoming panic attacks, and the klonopin is just there for bad days as I challenge myself to face the things that cause me panic attacks.
So this is where I'm frustrated. I do not think I need an anti-depressant. Yes, I am sad about my life, yes I sometimes hate the way things are, but I am excellent at pretending that I'm ok so I don't become overwhelmed. When it comes to meds, I have always thought that something like the xanax or the klonopin would be key, but I keep having these doctors who tell me that antidepressants are. My girlfriend is about to leave me because I haven't taken these meds, I've had them for over a month. Can anyone here please tell me if you've had experience with Zoloft as your key drug? Is Zoloft scary? I can't stand headaches, but they keep telling me to expect them. Headaches actually make me panicky believe it or not.
I am tired of doctors giving me conflicting information about what I should do. I've had doctors prescribe xanax alone, xanax and welbutrin, xanax and zoloft, and now klonopin and zoloft. I never take them, I just pay for them, try to believe I will take them, then put them away and never look at them again. I really need help and advice here, I have been suffering for so damn long and now I have yet another relationship about to break down and fail because of my panic disorder. I've been with this girl for almost two years, and she's been patient, but it seems like meds are the only way I have a hope of being somewhat normal again.
Here's a rundown of my anxiety :
Summer of 2000, I quit smoking, found out my girlfriend had cheated on me, the company I worked for was bought out which made things very stressful, I had been on a business trip alone which spooked me, I saw Final Destination before that trip, and I quit smoking cold turkey when I was smoking 2 packs a day. I had just turned 21 that summer, and then I started having my first anxiety attacks during storms. I don't know why, it was bad weather. By December, I was having my first panic attacks when we got hit with a very nasty blizzard system and my employers wouldn't let me go home.
2002 I began complaining about my heart a lot, it kept doing weird jump type things which would make me lose my breath completely. It felt like I was getting eletrocuted from the inside out. I finally went to the ER about 6 months later, doctors sent me home saying my blood work was fine.
By this time I had been seeing a family friend psychiatrist who had tried to get me on xanax, but I was medicine phobic and he had no luck other than getting me to try it once. That one time I tried it, I was actually able to go to a movie without being panicked, but then I became terrified the next day of being addicted to a drug.
In 2006, I had an infection in my tonsils so bad that I had a temperature of 104 for one week straight, and then 101 for 3 weeks. I was in the hospital twice for elevated heart rate, the first time I was stuck at 140, the second my BPM was 185 while resting, even while observed for hours at the hospital. The ER doctors were stumped, but noticed when my temperature when down via meds, my heart rate would lower to 100-115.
I followed up on my heart as instructed after the infection passed, which was believed to be viral since they put me on every antibiotic they could think of including Augmentin and Levaquin, neither which helped at all. For the first time in my life, I actually had to use short term disability at an employer since I was out of commission for over 4 weeks. When I followed up on my heart, I expected nothing abnormal, but doctors had 4 abnormal EKGs in a row. They referred me to a cardiologist.
Echo was good, EKGs were always abnormal, I wore a monitor for 30 days and the doctor said that per their findings my heart rate would elevate for what seemed to be no reason at random times, even when I was sleeping. It'd usually go to the 140s-160s, or zip up and down from 90 to the mid 100s every 5-10 seconds. They said it was like revving a car engine, and I was going to cause damage eventually or stroke out if I didn't do something. They prescribed Inderal LA 60mg, I refused to take it.
A year later, I had been hospitalized three times for my heart, and I finally had a firefighter really lay some realities down for me, saying I was going to kill myself essentially. He promised me that the inderal wouldn't hurt me, and said he'd even take it as a healthy person if it was over the counter because it helps keep your blood pressure down and heart slow which is rarely a bad thing (unless you're prone to fainting). After the talk with him, I decided to take it, but I was extremely panicked about doing so.
So here I am today, it has been just over a year since I started taking Inderal. Doctors promised me it'd help with panic attacks too, but the only thing it does is not let my heart race as much during them. I then have to worry more about losing my mind or doing something crazy, which is just as terrifying. I have a prescription here of Klonopin .5mg which the latest psychiatrist tells me to take "as needed", not daily, and a prescription of Zoloft which he wants me to take for the very long term. He claims Zoloft will be my key to overcoming panic attacks, and the klonopin is just there for bad days as I challenge myself to face the things that cause me panic attacks.
So this is where I'm frustrated. I do not think I need an anti-depressant. Yes, I am sad about my life, yes I sometimes hate the way things are, but I am excellent at pretending that I'm ok so I don't become overwhelmed. When it comes to meds, I have always thought that something like the xanax or the klonopin would be key, but I keep having these doctors who tell me that antidepressants are. My girlfriend is about to leave me because I haven't taken these meds, I've had them for over a month. Can anyone here please tell me if you've had experience with Zoloft as your key drug? Is Zoloft scary? I can't stand headaches, but they keep telling me to expect them. Headaches actually make me panicky believe it or not.
All I can say is that the Inderal is working for you and that is great. I think right now you are just overwhelmed by the stresses in life and also confused by different advice. I get like that at times too, so you are not alone.
The beta blocker doesn't target the brain but if somehow stop worrying about taking other pills like Zoloft etc and worrying about the side effects, you probably will give time out for your brain and you will feel more relaxed.
Now that your heart is under control, try and go out for a movie or something with your girlfriend. Your mind will still race, " Oh maybe I should take Xanax, but I am scared, maybe Zoloft or something else, but what if I get a bad side effect". But the more you do other things the less time you will have to think and you will give yourself and the beta blocker a chance to really work.
The beta blocker doesn't target the brain but if somehow stop worrying about taking other pills like Zoloft etc and worrying about the side effects, you probably will give time out for your brain and you will feel more relaxed.
Now that your heart is under control, try and go out for a movie or something with your girlfriend. Your mind will still race, " Oh maybe I should take Xanax, but I am scared, maybe Zoloft or something else, but what if I get a bad side effect". But the more you do other things the less time you will have to think and you will give yourself and the beta blocker a chance to really work.
Good anti-depressant = Zispin. Disolves on your tongue. No side effects at all. Though the leaflet may say it does. Helps with anxiety as well. If you read every side effect and believe them all you will never get better. They have to write what they do on those leaflets to cover their own rears. So nobody can sue them. Just ignore reading up on tablets and you won't get any side effects at all. If you study tablets you will be sitting and waiting for side effects.
Please know that you are NOT alone!!!Im sorry your having such a tough time
I wish I could help you in the medications dept. but im just like you, not to keen on taking meds.But Im sure there are other people on this forum that can give you some good advice.....if your girl loves you she'll stick by your side.
I wish you the very best ...hang in there
.Good luck...and stay strong
and if you ever need to talk ....we're here for you!
I wish I could help you in the medications dept. but im just like you, not to keen on taking meds.But Im sure there are other people on this forum that can give you some good advice.....if your girl loves you she'll stick by your side.
I wish you the very best ...hang in there
.Good luck...and stay strong
and if you ever need to talk ....we're here for you!
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