Partner's lack of understanding causing me even more stress.

[gurlalone]

I am struggleing with my partner who doesn't seem to understand my anxiety disorder.  I am very disapppointed that the person I love, and who I need for support,  is not making an effort to learn about my disorder and is so insensitive.  It's causing me so much extra stress.  When I am having a particularily bad day,  I feel as though I have to hide my symptoms.  His response to me when I am going through an acute attack is harsh and unsympathetic.  He says he' s uncomfortable and he reacts harshly with irritation.  I know it's impacting his life too but he is being so selfish about it.  Sometimes I just need for him to put his arms around me and comfort me when I am so scared by the intensity of my symptoms.  Last night when we went to bed,  I felt a jolt take over my body and I sat up on the edge of the bed to try to control my breathing.  I sat there for quite some time. I said nothing and tried not to disturb him.   His only response was,  in an irriated tone, " what are you doing Pam."  It made me crazy to hear this from him when I was so frightened.   We had an arguement last week and he said that I was just looking for attention.  He retracted this when he calmed down and said that he just said it out of anger.  But I am devastated by it.  It was such a slap in the face when I know that how I am feeling is real...and utterly terrifying.   I can't stop obsessing about it now.  I feel guilty and ashamed when I have attacks.  I have never felt so alone in my whole life.  I know he loves me,  but I am crushed that he could be this way.  I don't know where to turn or what to do about it.

I am growing so angry at him.  I am disappointed that when I need him the most, he is turning his back on me.  How do I reach him?  How to you MAKE someone understand and be compassionate and supportive when they aren't?

I feel so alone.

[JSGeare]

My method for getting folks to "understand" is to offer to hold their head under water and not let them come up for air. One can also try giving some kind of medical explanation.

But, the bottom line is that your partner's reaction probably has LESS to do with facts and knowledge and more to do with attitude and indifference.

That's bad news -BUT- it is the news you need to know. Whether you attempt to "convert" him or just to live with his lack of concern, you've added another layer of stress to your anxiety problem. And so, the answer may be to terminate the relationship.

I hate that this has happened to you and I am intensely uncomfortable with my suggestion that putting an end to it may be the best thing. But bear this thought in mind, as well: Is there any chance at all that your initial selection of that person as a partner involved a "hidden" psychological agenda of yours -to get close to someone who would terribly disappoint you? If there is any possibility of that -then bringing the relationship to a close may be the start of your re-claiming your life.

Trust me, I know.

[MMomma]

Ok let me re-fraze that, the guy I was talkin about in that post is an ex..We were together for 3 years had had a child together...he never understood, i have been single for about 3-4 months..

[Talz]

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!!!
My boyfriend of 8 years just NOW started to understand what I am going through.  He is the most calm person, nothing scares him, nothing gives him stress... (i call him a robot)
if we would go out and suddenly i freaked out and wanted to go home, he would get so angry with me and I would just get more and more upset, and my panic would grow!!!
Finally one night I just got really upset with myself and him at the same time.  I love him but I respect myself enough to not stay with someone who didnt even try to understand where I was coming from!! I sat him down and told him all of this.. I told him that the relationship would never work if he wouldnt understand.  I mean I could not live with someone who wasn't being supportive enough.  
So one night I gave him this panic attack cd where a couple people and doctors talk about what happens and how a person feels when they are getting a panic attack, and I tried my best to explain it to him.. I guess it worked... because he is being so amazing to me!!!!
He still get annoyed and bitter and angry and just doesnt understand it fully (which someone who doesnt experience this) just never will... but he is helping me out with my work books right now and its working a bit better..

Hope this helped

[MMomma]

I knoe EXCATLY how you feel, My partner in his teenage years suffered from anxiety, he was on medication for 6 years for and now he doesn't have that problem anymore.. My anxiety had been goin on for 4 months straight without a break and he tell me that its alll in my head and that i'm tryi to get attiotion which as u understand is not the case.. its the scaresist thing that I have had to face.
And it seems like it never ends so don't feel like u alone.. because ur not. I have a crappy support system to.... everything will be ok and i'm here If u wanna chat...

[ali65]

Have you tried writing him a letter?
I find that it is a detached way of putting your feelings across that he will take the time to read.
Do you think he acts this way because he is worried and does not know how to handle it?
Sorry for these questions.
How long have you had problems with anxiety?
Have you ever had professional advice?
Do you have times when you are free of anxiety?