Please help.

[gin12345678]

I have been drowning in anxiety for yrs now. One of e biggest fears tt haunts me a lot is tt my elderly bed ridden granny might have been abused by her live in care taker we hired a few yrs ago. Abt 3 yrs ago we found out she had terrible bedsores n was rushed to hosp. Turns out e caretaker had been lyin to us n tellin us nothin was wrong. I had trusted her completely till then, even though my gran hated her from e start and Lways yelled at her. She has since left n my granny recovered from her bedsores bt now has severe dementia. Her new caretaker who knows e other maids in e neighboourhood has told me tt e previous caretaker's boyfriend has waited for her outside our house when nobody was arnd but never gone inside. We frequently travel n there werre times my granny was left alone with e caretaker. I am deathly afraid tt e old caretaker had brought men in n abused my granny. E new caretaker also told me tt e old one had multiple "boyfriends" I tried askin my gran abt it before but she told me no men ever came to e house. She was very vocal in scolding e old caretaker before she fell ill from bedsores. Everyday i am filled with guilt fear n regret. I dont know what to do anymore.

[LRon]

You have to let it go and stop torturing yourself over the past. You can't change anything that's happened, and you can't know for sure what did or didn't happen. You're imagining the worst, but have shaky evidence to support those fears. Let. It. Go. Turn the page, for your Gran's sake and yours.

[LRon]

I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. Regretting past decisions is a waste of time and energy that will not help your or your Granny. Instead, learn from the experience and take action now that will see to it that she is well cared for from this point forward.  

[gin12345678]

Thank u for your words of advice n encouragement. I have for e past 3 yrs been spending a lot more time with my gran n getting closer to her again. It is twisted but e thing tt still haunts me everyday is e what ifs. I know this previous caretaker of hers had borrowed money from other maids. What if she had used my granny and let men abuse her? It is such a dark horrid thought. But at e same time something tells me she wld not dare as my granny with dementia was very aggressive n always spoke up against her. Surely we wld have found out, right? Also this caretaker seemed terrified of us n more interested in going out n meeting her bfs. We really did not gt e sense she was so evil. Ive asked e new caretaker(who is trustworthy n open)  repeatedly n she has told me tt other neighbours have told her tt they have never seen men come into our home. I just dont knw n i cant lie with e thought tt my gran had suffered more abuse n cos of dementia cld not articulate it. :( i jst want my mind to be free again.