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Random HOCD
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Random HOCD

Hey everyone... Im 24 year old white male and have always suffered from anxiety and i feel minor OCD.Anxiety runs very big in my family. Over the past few months i have had performance anxiety in the bedroom with a lot of the girls i have been with. Some not turning me on a lot. My ideal women was always a freak in the sheets and a lady on the streets and lately i havent had that. Sex has been super boring .For my whole entire life i have always always loved women and want a wife and kids however, lately i have been feeling this gross urges towards men. Never ever ever have i ever been attracted to another male. How this all came about.... I had a real bad break up with my x. She cheated on me and told me she was pregnant just to mess with my head and got me all worried. After her i have felt like my world was crushed. She fooled me, my family, my friends ...everyone thought i found the right girl. Well after the whole break up i was so worried i caught AIDS or some sort of STD. I went to the DR. got checked out and everything was cool but then after reading online like some symptoms of AIDS... i found a white tongue is a sign you have AIDS. Then i started looking in the mirror checking my tongue and was like omg my tongue is white i have AIDS. An it stuck with me for over a month and i couldnt get it out of my head. Well after all of this happened.... i started getting Anxiety in the bedroom not getting erections... women not turning me on and the thought crossed my mind i was gay. I started thinking back a few months ago thinking ... well you did check out guys before and had minor urges to think you could be with a dude... so it was like hmm maybe your gay. The thought of it i cant stand... Driving me crazy. I was in the car with a buddy of mine and im sitting there not looking him in the face and my mind was like...you know you want to kiss him and then im like omg no stop. One part of my mind is telling me you are gay and the other is telling me your insane stop this. I cant even look at gay porn. Just grosses me out. I cant get this out of my head. Its honestly killing me. Im like so scared im turning gay and i dont want that. I just want my life back where i was always 100 percent attracted ot the ladies had an amazing sex life and move fwd . I made an appointment to go talk to a therapist this tuesday but im honestly falling apart. I feel so uncomfortable and alone. Please help me.
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You're doing the right thing by seeing a therapist, only he can determine why you are having these kinds of thoughts.  It may due to some traumatic stress from the break-up.  Stop worrying, and beating yourself up, seeing a therapist is a big step in the right direction.  You will work thru this.  Take care.....
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