Support Barrett + HPV

[hopeless1980]

Hi, sorry about my english. It´s not my first language. It´s a big post so I ask you patience. I am suffering of a huge anxiety. Three months before I was the most happy man on earth, strong, healthy, proud. I am 37 years old, heterosexual and single. I've always have a simple life. I grew up with love in a middle class familiy. I´ve only have one longterm relationship that didn´t work. No one-night stands and just one kiss with a girlfriend several years before. One night, in a party I drunk too much and ended up having sex with a female friend without protection. ****! The biggest mistake I've ever made (Actually, the only one!). Since then I 've been terrible sick. First, I suspected I contracted chlamydia and I was given some medication by my doctor (He didn't perform any test) . My symptoms didn´t clear up completely so I don´t know if I still have it.  I've took several HIV test too but not at the three-month mark. A month later she confessed she have HPV. She said she didn´t know before but it was detected in a routine test. She ended up having cin1 toward cin2. So High risk HPV, probably 16, 18 types. I went to my doctor (He is an oncologist) I was screened and I was diagnosed with Barrett's Esophagus, a pre-cancer injury with no cure just some treatments (It's serious). ****! Then I was diagnosed with a little thyroid tumor. ****! I am under treatment for the esophagus's thing now. But, I fear my inmune system can´t fight the HPV infection because of that. So If I don't die for one thing I will die of another. I can't find any way out of this. I had suicidal thoughts. I feel sorry for my parents so much sacrifice to raise me to give me a good life. They are sad they know what happened. Any advice please.

[Paxiled]

I guess I don't really understand.  You've only made one mistake in your life?  Unlikely.  You're just not judging yourself for the others the way you are for this one.  We all make mistakes pretty much every day, most very small.  But it's very hard to understand, the only things you know you have are unrelated to having sex, and sex seems to be the one thing that can make you feel guilty.  Okay, that's who you are, but you're fighting these other things that have nothing to do with sex and nothing you did let down your parents.  We all have sex, it's what humans do.  You should have used protection, and you will next time, right?  In the meantime, everyone gets sick at some point and we all will die of something.  That isn't letting anyone down, and from what you say, you're not at immediate risk of dying for a very long time most likely.  So tell us again, why are you feeling so guilty for having a risk of cancer, a that still seems to be your main problem?

[hopeless1980]

Hi Paxiled, Thank you for your comment. All of us are here for support and it´s amazing someone takes the time to answer a question from an unknown.

I make mistakes every day, the small ones, like everybody else. I suppose I was raised to think that sex is a bad thing outside of marriage so that's why l feel so embarrased. I was a 32 year old virgin when I started my first and only longterm relationship.

There are things I could haven´t predict like The esophagus' thing and my tyroid problem. I am worry but not ashamed of that.

About the HPV, There are no standard test on men but I was exposed to the high risk strain. So for what I read online I am screwed. Women think men are just carriers but it´s no true. Here I have the risk of developed several types of cancer, the ugly ones. I have no insurance and my family doesn´t have the money to treat something like that. Then I feel guilty about putting myself at a risk I should never have had. Never.

[Paxiled]

That's done.  Now is now.  I don't know where you're doing your online reading, as sites range from useful to just trolling or making stuff up.  Forget about the HPV and worry about the things you actually have now.  Peace.