What do I do with my son who just loves to hate me

[michele626]

Hello, I am so happy I found this site. I am going to be 45. I have a soon to be 23 year old son and I also have a 3 year old little girl. Both different fathers. My son and I were very close and can still be at times depending on his moods.
Ive done everything a Mother is supposed to do. I instilled good values and morales and respect, honesty, education anything and everything that was right. Hes always had and never wanted for anything. I divorced his dad when  he was 2 and we are still talking and still communicate if need be.

I was in a relationship that wasnt the healthiest however got out of that and naturally 5 years ago had entered into another relationship and married that person with whom I had my daughter with. We are now seperated. Happily that is.

Thats pretty much a background of me.

My son started getting into the rap music, thug life, dating girls much younger than he and me having to try to end it all by actually calling the girls parents. Example, at one time he was 18 dating a 15 year old. However, that relationship lasted anyway until she was an adult.

My son works and actually had to be told to get a job. He doesnt live at home with me or his sister, we couldnt last 1 day together in the same house.

He is very disrespectful, he has went to the point of cursing me, slamming my doors, telling me off, he at one point pulled his pants down and told me to kiss his A**.

I will tell him hes no longer welcome, he needs to leave, dont call or come to my home esp now that he has a younger sister. He will wait a day or two and call to see if he can come over. Not even Im sorry NOTHING. As stupis as I was I actually kept letting my son back hoping he would at least come to his senses.

I thought a lot about this where he was always given things. I found him a place to live at a freinds house to rent, really cheap, His dad gave him a car. I would cook dinner every night for him. My mother would give him money when he needed it. etc etc

No matter what he did or how he did it, there was no repercussion. Now he has to be out from where hes living and causing my friend to have to evict him, he refuses to pay rent

He has NO thoughts of hurting ppl , meaning being sarcastic, laughing in their face, disrespect comes naturally to him for anyone that helps him.

He takes good care of himself as far as grooming, yet doesnt care about his car, what his place looks like etc.

The strangest thing is...hes been single, they both had a very abusive relationships, with order of protections, cops, hitting etc. him and her both,. since hes single, he has no friends, doesnt go anywhere but work and is to me withdrawn. Though he loves to come here and just stay here as if he has nowhere to go so why not here, and makes sure he lets you know it too.

He will come in  sit on the couch and ignore both me and his sister.

He claims to love his sister, but the things hes said and done shows nothing. My daughter at 3 is the most sweetest little girl. I dont want anyone around her that will teach her that behavior.

I also feel as though my son would rather see me alone. To be able to be at his beck and call.

Another thing is my son is the type when your life is going ok, it will damper his, though if his life is ok he will not bother with you or share his happiness

I can write a book and part 2 to this all. I hope I gave everyone enough info for some answers. At the present time, I have not seen him for a week, he did call and I kept to my promise of no more disrespect. Im wondering what will happen when hes evicted. He wont have any money to move, that i know

Also, my aunt, his great aunt, helped him, his uncle, dad, grandmother on both sides, me and every other family member. I dont get it anymore

What do I do? How do I handle it without feeling so sad, hurt and frustrated that I cant have a normal relationship with my son and how horrible it is that his only sister doesnt have a brother she can count on
Thanks so much
Michele

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

wow am so sorry your going through this with your son, i have two boys and they are so sweet and there for me , but at one time i had a 19 year old that thought he could sleep all day party all night , so i told him get out or get a full time job, he did he went into the marines went to iraq and came home a man, but before that we butted heads all the time i could not stand being around him , same as your son smart mouth always putting me down, than i said thats enought, everytime he treated me bad i told him he had to leave the house for the night, he got tired of leaving and trying to find a place to stay  for the night . when he came back he was much better. i love my son to much to not see him or throw him out all together but there comes a time when you have to take a stand, and with your sweet 3 year old daughter you have to protect her from this. has he went to cousling, maybe that will help, at least he is holding down a job, but he needs friends , he needs to be out dating and making a life for himself, if his life is empty he will be mad at the world i would say he needs top talk to someone, maybe get a light med to help he if he needs it , is he depressed? i wish you luck as a mother of two boys i cant do without either of them. God Bless you .Barbara

[Jade59]

Ok, I see.  I don't think you mean 15mgs.  You mean 0.5mg t.i.d which equal 1.5mgs.  That makes better sense.  At least, that's what I HOPE you mean.  

Breaking the 0.5mg in half would equal 0.25 and half of that would be 0.125 which is not very much.  

It's best to get this straight, otherwise, posting it the way you did makes people think you're taking an enormous dose.  See?

Thanks again for your concern...

[michele626]

Thanks

I was just saying 15 mg..as in 5 mg 3x a day..thats what im perscribed, however I wont take that much. I usually take that 5 mg break it in half and maybe another half. So Im taking approx 5 1/2 a day. mg.

I was on valium for a long time before that. For some reason it made me very upbeat, felt like cleaning going shopping etc. Though, I also noticed to take 1 pill the effect was short lived and I started to take another.

I myself had to tell the doctor.

Just be careful
Thanks for the note

[Jade59]

Hi Michelle!  I'm sorry, but this is not an answer to your question, but rather a response to your "note".  There is something wrong with my computer and I can't send a note or PM you right now so I'm using this avenue instead.  

Thank you for your concern regarding the Xanax.  I am a little confused about your note though and think you may have misunderstood my post to Ryan.  I am taking 1mg(one), not 15 plus another 5.  That would be an incredible dose of Xanax and would knock one out for sure .  I've been taking benzos for 28yrs and am very familiar, unfortunately, with this med.

Thanks for caring though : )

As far as your post goes, it's normally kind of slow on the weekends, so I would encourage you to be patient.  

Take care.....