What do you do when you feel out of control

[Kristiea3]

I need to know if anyone can tell me some tips for calming myself down. I have been married for five years and I have dealt with alot of verbal abuse and lies. I have just started to experience panic attacks due to all of this abuse. My husband acts one way to strangers and then he would verbally abuse me. Everyone thought he was nice but he was lying,on dating sites,and leaving me and my kids with nothing. I have to just go week to week and hope I can put food on the table for my kids. I feel like I'm just going to lose it and I can't breath. He is talking to other women and tells me I'll just have to get over it because he is not going to stop. These women have no clue that he is destroying his family. I just need advice.

[neenj61]

Get some medication baby..nothing wrong with that.And while your at it LEAVE HIM!You should never let a man abuse you in any way..trust me baby been there done that.One time I loaded all my clothes and my son's(only what we needed)into the car and started it up(with my son in the car)late at night while my"husband"was asleep an took a iron skillet and popped him 1 time in the face.I was lmao while I was running and jumped into the car.GONE!Best move I ever made.Men are scum..learn it now.Go to the doctor get some meds or get rid of him!

[thirdeye33]

Everything qtpie1135 said was perfect! I've been down parts of your road and I have never been a promoter of meds, but Klonopin for anxiety/panic attacks really works. I have had no bad side effects from at all too. It might just help you get you into the right frame of mind to even think about calmness and breathing.


Best of luck to you and take care.

[Kristiea3]

Thank you so much you are right. My kids are almost grown and I do want to enjoy my life. I manage to own a business and go to school so it's scary but this support helps. I used to laugh all the time and now I don't. I can't be like this and let him suck this life out of me. Thank you for your message it was very uplifting:)

[rls27]

First and foremost you need to find a way out of this marriage. If you fear for your safety, consult with a battered woman's shelter to discuss your options. If he isn't providing, then how much worse can it get without him?

Meanwhile, tell yourself that this is temporary, even if it lasts longer than you hope, knowing that one day there is an end in sight, can help keep you going. Your goal should be to find a way out of this marriage and a better life for you and your children. Work towards that goal, even if it takes a long time. No one will change your situation for you, so start researching your options to get out of this abusive relationship.

[qtpie1135]

Hello Kristiea, I am so sorry for what you are going through! I went through a similar experience with my first husband, he finally left me for one of the women that he was seeing. I went through a very hard time, I was devastated, I felt like I could not breathe, and I couldn't eat. But I had no choice but to pick myself up and carry on. Now I am thankful that all that happened, I am now married to a man who treats me right! If my ex had not left me, I would still be living a miserable life! So I guess that everything happened for a reason!

Some how some way, I know that things will get better for you! I know right now it is hard for you to believe what I am saying because if someone told me that when I was going through what you are going through, I would have found it hard to believe! I wish there was something that I could say or do to make this easier for you! It is an awful thing to go through, and nobody can really understand unless they have lived through it!

Four-Square Breathing helps me to relax during a panic attack.

Sometimes during a panic attack, the easiest thing you can do is gain control of your breathing. This exercise can also be used for meditation or just to calm yourself.


1 Take a deep breath, breathing in for four seconds.
2 Hold your breath for four seconds.
3 Slowly exhale for four seconds.
4 Do nothing for four seconds and then repeat the process as many times as you need until you calm down.


I also use relaxation CDs, breathing exercises, sipping on ice cold water, reminding myself that it is only anxiety and that it will pass and that it has never harmed me and will not harm me now! I will also take Klonopin which really helps, and Toprol which is a beta-blocker to keep my pulse and blood pressure under control.  


Getting up and moving around also helps, sometimes just calling someone and hearing another person's voice, if you have no one to call try calling a prayer line or help line (You can program these numbers into your cell phone),

It also helps to get on this support board and talk to others who understand what you are going through! I think it helps to read positive uplifting books, and to listen to music. Prayer is something else that can be helpful!  I also take a multi-vitamin along with extra vitamin B, fish oil, vitamin D, Magnesium, calcium, C, and E.  Exercise always makes me feel better!  Watching something funny on TV or a DVD, or watching a funny Youtube video is also helpful!

I have also read that Chamomile tea and bananas were helpful for anxiety and panic.

I hope that everything works out for you! Best wishes to you! Sending thoughts and prayers your way! Please keep us posted, we do care!

[susieq283]

Talk to a counselor or a pastor. If you feel like you are in danger you need to contact a local women's shelter for domestic abuse. Remember God is with you know matter what you are not alone.