How to get help?

[Kevin_26]

I am a 26male, lower class. My whole live has been screwed up. I started felling depression in middle school and would just avoid people as much as i could. I had a rough childhood my mother was a real mental case, i remember her having me beat my fathers vehicle with her when i was a kid maybe 8yr's old. Later on in high school i started doing drugs and drinking and my depression turned into anxiety. Some days where worse then others but had a option of getting high to relax myself.

After a while we where kicked out of are home and i was forced to live with my grandmother. I couldn't handle crowded areas at all anymore and after missing so much school they offered me a option of being home schooled payed by the government threw the same high school i was going to. After awhile i got my diploma. After this family was saying i needed a job etc. At this time i quit all drugs beside pot and drinking here and there to try to cope with my problems. I went to a tech school payed by the government but the thing was i had to have so many of hours a week, everyday was a battle trying to cope with my anxiety/depression. I could never hold a job so a few weeks after i was supose to graduate i was kicked out of the program.

Then i just avoided everyone/thing as much as i could and continued to smoke pot and played video games, away from reality. A couple years passed and so did my grandmother. Leaving me homeless at this point. The anxiety got worse and i would start having panic attacks, so bad i went to the hospital a few times. Smoking pot would only make it worse, so i stopped smoking(clean at this point).

My brother took me in to live with him. I try to avoid showing him my issues all tho he dose know about them, and he's getting tired of supporting me. As he can barley support us, and yells at me to get a job and threatening me he will move and i will have to figure out where i will live etc on my own . I cant even bare to go outside really i still just avoid the reality of real life and hide in video games. I have no real life friend anymore. I can't afford to see a doctor, someone has been giving me xanax to help cope  with my issue but as there getting worse i have panic attacks almost everyday thinking i will die. I have thoughts of running away and trying to live in the woods vs. getting told to get a job/yelled at all the time/threatened, it's my only option i see really outside of killing myself.

Anyways, i really need help. I can't afford to pay for a doctor, I don't even have a dollar to my name.

1:Whats the best/free way i can get help?
2:Maybe i should check myself into a mental institution?
3:All tho i would really like to see myself get better and get a job i don't see this happening, how can i go about getting money from the government so i don't turn into a bum?

[SuperShotMom]

A hospital can't turn you away if you are in a life threatening situation and wanting to kill yourself is life threatening.  There has to be a program that they can find for you to help you financially get the meds you need.  Psych meds like Zoloft only help if you take them for a period of time and some of them can make you feel jittery or feel like your skin is crawling so that may not be the medication for you but there are other meds out there and there has to be somewhere that you can get treatment.  YOU NEED TREATMENT.  Not really an institution but some kind of treatment and you may need to go to a 90 day program or something like that but they will help you with meds and money to get meds.  Just look into it and if you are feeling like hurting yourself or someone else you need help so ask for it

[Kevin_26]

As being so anti-social i am not sure how effective going to a group anxiety meeting will be. I need help myself i really doubt listening to other people talk about there anxiety will help much, it's not like i will open up to them and tell them my problems to strangers. It will be bad enough trying to explain my issues to someone certified to treat me.

I really think im past the point where just talking about it will help it. I've been depressed and had anxiety for yr's and server panic attacks for about 2yr's now.

[JGF25]

You have use of a computer.  Do a search for group anxiety meetings in your area.  There is usually a place this occurs.  You can contact the Director and explain your situation.  They will know where to direct you.  Remember, you cannot run from these problems but rather you have to confront them head on.  Life IS worth living and YOUR life is worth living.  I feel certain that with the right help, you can be productive and feel good about yourself at the same time.  Please do some searches.  

[Kevin_26]

I am clean outside of xanax, at this point it's the only thing that keeps me from really bad panic attacks. As much as like to not think of suicide, i find it as a way out. Not really my main option, but there's not many in my mind. Like i said i can't pay for any doctor or any medication if they prescribed it. So i need to find some where/thing where i can get help for free.That's why all i can think of is a institution.

I'm not sure what a "NA meeting" is. And like i said my anxiety is so bad i can't really stand going out places. I did see a physiologist when i was about 15(when i had insurance) he gave me zolof or w/e but it made me feel more crazy, i stopped taking it after 2days and never went back to see him. Wish i went back at this point.

Anymore suggestions on how i can go about this? Or is a institution the only way?

[SuperShotMom]

Please don't try and kill yourself its not the answer!!!  1st question:  Are you clean???  I am a greatfull recovering addict.  If you can get to an NA meeting you should try.  There are some amazing people there that feel just like you so.  I don't know where you live but there has to be a program that can help you with your depression issues.  If you really feel like hurting yourself go to the hospital or call 911.  They can help you get somewhere that will help you with your depression issues.  You say that you don't want to become a bum then use all the resources at your disposal to find help.  Seriously call 911 and tell them you feel like hurting yourself and they will get you help.  Xanax can acctually make your depression worse so can pot drinking and other drugs like opiates.  Don't think about it as an insitution think of it as a place where you can relax and find the answers.  Please find a way to get help.  I've attempted suicide befor and I know how it can be when you feel worthless and as if there is no one on your side.  You feel alone and ignored.  As if you don't matter but you do.  I am sure a lot of people would miss you if you were gone.  Please get help