crazy thoughts

I suffer severe anxiety an hav done 4 a while now, I'm on medication and learn to deal with it even tho it really scared me but 2day I scared myself the way I was thinking. My sister was doing my cousins nails so while she was doing them my cousin askd me 2 feed her son who is only 2months old an jus sit with him so I tuk him upstairs an gave him his bottle and was gettin him to sleep. But my head was tellin me jus say I'm going shop jump in the car strap him in the car seat an run away wiv him coz I was jus lukin at him while he was fallin asleep while I was holding him jus finkin jus prove I am a gud person n bring him up ded gud let sum1 call me mum :s I don't no if this is because what happend wen I was a child n iv had 2 get rid ov 2 kids my self afta sumfin bad was happenin 4 years but I jus feel lyk a let dwn n I need 2 prove 2 ppl that I am a gud person but I no runnin of wiv him is a wrong fing 2 fink but all I kept finkin was jus quik go :(

[greenlydia]

Simply taking medication is NOT "learning to cope" with your problem. All you are "learning" is that taking medication makes the symptoms of your problem go away. In my humble and totally non-medical opinion, I believe you really need to get yourself into some therapy. The kind of thoughts you're experiencing are not normal "anxiety" type thinking.
I don't know what happened when you were a child, but I'm guessing it was very bad and you've never resolved all the negative feelings surrounding whatever happened. You must have a great deal of rage and hurt inside you and probably a lot of fear. I don't understand what you mean when you state that "n iv had 2 GET RID ov 2 kids my self afta sumfin bad was happenin 4 years.........."
Thzt sounds very ominous to me. Can you find someone to talk to about all of this? Do you have a religious leader? A doctor? An adult you trust and can confide in? A relative?
You are obviously intelligent as you have a computer and know how to use it. Use it now to help you locate someone who can help you. Manchester is a fairly major city, I'm sure you can find help for very low cost if that is a problem.
You need help before you act on any of these "crazy thoughts!"
Please let us know how you're doing.
Peace
Greenlydia