Anxiety or OCD, please read and help me.

[sunsarethebest]

Im not sure if im in the right place. But i have a real bad HIV phobia and it relates to my day to day life. Like if i cut my finger on a knife or something i start getting scared and thinking what if somebody else cut them selves on that knife before and they have HIV then i start getting panicky and i get anxiety. It scares the **** out of me. I am going through some hard stuff right now and ill explain it all. Last saturday i went to walgreens and i was walking out of the store with my bag in my right hand and my reciept in my left hand and i was about to throw the reciept in the trash can by the front doors but the can was full, i didnt just want to shove my whole hand in there soi kind of just stuck it in there. I got in my car and drove away and i was almost home and something popped in my head part of my fear and phobia. I started thinking what if i got poked by a needle when i put the reciept in the trash, so i actually turned around and drove back to the store and i started digging in the trash looking for the supposed needle just to calm my fears and prove to myself that there wasnt a needle and that i didnt get poked and that it was all in my head. Well i didnt find on and then i went home and i could not sleep. I was so scared that i got poked or something and i was scared that now i am gonna have HIV so i drove back up to the store looking through the trash again. I know this sounds crazy and i even know its crazy but i was so scared. I started looking in bags and looking through everything just to make sure. I searched for a long time and i didnt find anything. I kept leaving and going home and i could sleep so i would go back to the store and look for more. Its like it would make me feel better knowing that there wasnt a needle that poked me and that i was alright but as soon as i would get home i would get real scared again. I did that probably about 4 or 5 times. Finally i just stopped.  About 9 in the morning the next day i went back up there and the trash was still in there and i went inside and asked the lady who worked there if she had a plastic bad that i could have. She gave me one and i took everything from pretty much the top layer of the trash can, anything that i thought that i could have came into contact with when i first threw the reciept away and anything that i may have came into contact with when i kept digging through there. I took the bag home and dumped it out by my trash cans and went through it all making sure there wasnt a needle or anything in there. There wasnt, So i felt like i was ok. I didnt get poked cause i didnt find any needle but then i started to get scared over the fact that i had some small scratches and little cuts on my hands and i was digging through the trash, what if there was some blood in there that i didnt see or something. I asked this question to the HIV doctor on this website and he said that there was no risk and that i dont need any testing at all. So know im over the fact that i am not gonna get HIV from digging through a garbage can but im still nervouse about "did i or did i not get poked from a needle" I think that if i was actually poked i wouldnt have this doubt whether i was or not, i think that i would absolutley know. Is it just my extreme anxiety and irrational fears that is making me so scared and believe that i might have been poked and is it my fears/ocd or whatever not letting me think rational and know that i wasnt poked. Please can you guys answer. Sorry if it s long.

[Barbarella]

It sounds to me that you have a severe case of OCD and phobia combined.  Until you get some help and you feel you need to go through a public trash can again wear gloves or rubber gloves because if something would stick you, and cause you to bleed the anxiety and fear of HIV would be overwhelming for you.  If you cannot afford a therapist there are books about OCD.  Please get help!  You are not alone.  There are thousands of people with all kinds of phobias and OCD.

Good luck!

[Peachycat]

I have thoughts like that, but it's not as severe for me as it sounds like it is for you. For me it's just things like having to have the water run for a certain amount of time before I'll drink it. I've been told ocd and anxiety usually go together.

[be still my beating heart 13]

I am an extreme germaphobe and I won't go into the extreme measures I take to protect myself and my children from sickness and infection while we're in public.  I am in control of the cleanliness of my home so it never crosses my mind at home, only after using the bathroom or handling raw meat.  I want to stress that I take EXTREME measures to prevent "contamination" so I can totally relate to your fear.  But I agree completely with Barbarella that your phobia seems severe.  If you don't mind my asking, do you only display OCD towards your phobia?  I know that my responce isn't of much help to you, I just wanted you to know you're not alone, and I know where you're coming from.  Hope you felt well today!

[sunsarethebest]

Im feeling better over all, i have an appointment with a shrink on August 9th, Hopefully she can help sort out all of this stuff and help me with my HIV fear and help me realize that i am not going to get HIV from a garbage can and just help me out overall.

[sunsarethebest]

is there any books that i could rent in the meantime that are usefull in helping phobias or ocd or anything like that i could read until i see the shrink next week

[wmac]

First of all if you assumed you got poked by a needle but then thought no so you went back looking well if you thought you got poked the first time why would you go back and take the chance of getting the "so called poked again"  Going back was a bit much. If you had gotten poked you would have felt it. I do not discredit your anxiety or anything because I have lots of anxiety as well and ocd.
I have done alot weird things because of my phobias as well. I hope you get some help, and that it helps. good luck.

[sunsarethebest]

i can sit here with almost 100% certanty and say that i didnt get poked. But then i keep having thoughts like did i get poked or didnt i get poked. I know that that my fear or phobia or ocd thats not letting me either totally let it go and forget everything that happened that night and its also the reason why i keep second guessing myself on the situation.

[suzi-q]

I am so glad that you are going to a doctor on august 9th.  Anxieties or OCD's grab onto a fear and then it gets totally irrational.  Then you become phobic and avoid all situations where you feel your "fear" may be.  A doctor will definitely be able to help you sort out your thoughts and get to the root of your fear....you will realize it isn't HIV after all.  It is just the tangible thing that your anxiety is grabbing hold of.  I hope this helped.

[mary m]

Hi, there's a great OCD group on yahoo. Dr .Michael Jenkie comes in as does a Dr. Claibourne. Mary