depression from anxiety

[fnbm]

I know i have posted similar threads but this is my place  i can vent. ive had anxiety and panic disorder for 6 years now. the first year was terrible. had a panic attack and took about 9 months to come out of it. then i jus had minor attacks mainly in stores.... some still at home. nothing bad. got pregnant and engaged had my gorgeous daughter and during my pregnancy and the year after i was comepletly anxiety free. didnt think about it. no fears an no attacks. this past year i had a few minor attacks no big deal then 4 months ago my life changed an it came back. debilitating and haunting an constant. :( i am managing..... but with tears. i am depressed because i came so far and now.... i feel like i half to start all over again an the extra pressure of being normal because i have a daughter this time. and a family. and i cant be alone ever. im not driving.... im not going into store other then gas stations. im in full fear of.... myself. some days are better then others but the thoughts remain haunting me.

[kka264]

Free--I hope to be free soon--I'm not letting this beat me at all.  I have to try even some days I just wish it would just magically stop and I would go back to being normal.  When I look at other people I think that they too are probably going through something but may just be good at hiding it.  It is hard--right now since I am coming off the benzos I am getting that heavy head feeling--sometimes I feel faint.  But I just have to work through it and keep trying or not I would give up to be honest.  I hope you don't--add me and we can keep up with each other--We need all the inspiration and help we can get.

[fnbm]

It is amazing you mentioned the bathroom.... thats exactly what im talking about. every single sensation or thought i have balanced around my anxiety and panic. its terrible. i am def trying to push through but sometimes i get so overwhelmed because i am tired of this. and i get sad when i see other peope living normally. like walking into store happily an i know there not a single thought in there head like mine. and i know there not hot and dizzy an debating on running out of the store at any second. i just want to be free.

[kka264]

I can identify with these symptoms--sometimes you get so happy and then something comes back and say--Remember me? I'm that feeling you hate--here i am again all your fears at the forefront--I literally yell STOP--and try to keep moving on...I am understanding this disorder for what it is...sometimes when im reallly happy I forget all about it--then in comes my fears....my only advice is to push through them...remind yourself that panic begins with just a thought--sometimes it is sooooo harddddd omgoodness to ignore them--sometimes even the feeling to go to the bathroom can scare the heck out of you--you then breathe and say look--all it was was that you needed to go to the bathroom--this disorder--I would not wish on my worst enemy--but keep venting hun---it helps--keep talking these feelings out--but do not let that cloak of sadness remain--

[fnbm]

The thoughts.... the ones making me think i am crazy or have some illness or im going to faint or the just constant thinking about how i feel and how im about to feel. every feeling in my body i focus on..... every motion and sense. every sound thought feeling.... everything :( i am consumed and even when the physical symptoms and derealization is not present these thoughts..... they never stop. ever. i even act happy smile. get hyper an silly with my daughter or fiance but stop as soon as i realize i am doing it and think about how i feel. even if i feel ok i can find something wrong or jus worry worry worry about it. i pray for it to stop. i pray hard.....