does anyone feel like they are just waiting for something to go wrong?

[sallyann27]

I really feel like I'm going mad sometimes and the past couple of months have been a lot worse.
I know I'm probably a hyperchondriac but I just have this impending fear something is wrong and the doctors are
missing it.

Some background

I inhaled a toxic chlorobenzene 3 years ago at work and immediatedly i couldn't breathe and could taste it going down my throat. went to casualty and was given oxygen to saturate my blood. ever since i feel like i've lost my way in life. i have panic attacks, a moderately severe anxiety disorder, OCD and i can't take medicines all as a result, because i'm worried that they'll damage my kidneys and livers.

I see a cognitive therapist for trauma and my OCD but I can feel my old ways coming back. Like i feel hypervigilant ad any time i get even a pain in my head I am waiting for a stroke to happen and I work myself up and up. and although i can usually bring myself out of it I feel like I'm getting worst. i don't know how to stop the thoughts and i just want to go back to hen i felt normal.

The doctor says i have inflamed muscles  in my back and my ribs and thats why i find it so hard to breathe. but what if they're wrong. what if this stuff i inhaled has done something to me that will go undiagnosed so long that it'll be too late.

how can i stop these thoughts without medicine?! I feel so stressed and my partner doesn't know what to say to me anymore and I fear I am passing on my problems to him. and i can't tell him all the things going on in my head, because if he knew only a fraction of what i feel then i think i would lose all normality. i just look at people and think how can you be normal and happy? how can i be like that?

so this has been 3 years.....does anyone ever get past this anxiousness? thanks for listening to my rant.

[sallyann27]

that's what i always say "before" i went mad with the accident and now. it's like one small thing can have suchan impact forever on your life. it's just not fair. i want to remember how to be happy and fun again without worrying about everything.

[sallyann27]

i've just shed a tear. it feels so good to know that I'm not alone.

i used to think that something was going to be wrong, like i was going to develop some illness etc and now i just think i have something wrong and they haven't found it. and it's hard to get rid of the thought. you know? almost lke if i don't bring it to their attention it'll be too late.

it's so tiring being anxious. people just don't relaise how tiring mentally and physically it is.

[daffysoundz]

i feel the same way, my first panic attack was by smoking weed with some friends, i thought and always thought that someone had spiked the weed, and im going to die from some kind of poisoning inside my body. i cant get over this, and looking at people that is normal makes it worst i hate normal people now lol, i guess i just want to be myself again, your not the only one. trust me

[scaredjo]

pls dont worry im sure you would have severe side effects after 3 yrs. im sure the doctor would have realised something was very wrong. it is very hard once you get something in your head that something is wrong. every waking minute seems to be focused on it.
i know exactly how you feel when you look at other people, its very upsetting and it seems you will never be the same again....but you will.
your brain has become over sensitive to every pain/sensation in your body tell your therapist about this and work towards breaking this anxiety circle
and rest assured that with time and effort you will feel good again

[Beewoman]

You are not alone!  Yes, I fully understand what you mean about looking at people and thinking how normal and happy they look.  HOWEVER, they "look" that way, perhaps people feel that way about us too sometimes as we try and hide the real way we feel.

There must be some good moments in your day.  Try and focus on those moments and live them to the full, if you start feeling bad 10 minutes later and it lasts the rest of the day, at least you will have had those few moments of relief.  When you wake up in the morning, don't go looking in the corners of your mind for the anxiety or you will find it, just accept yourself how you are at that moment.

If you have not done so already, please read the book "Freedom from Nervous Suffering" by Claire Weekes, it gives practical advice and it really works!  REALLY!  When you read it you find yourself saying "that's it, that's exactly how I feel" this lady really understands how we anxious people feel.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, have faith in yourself, you are strong.  Relax and let it flow through you, you can do it, what is the worst that can happen?  You are not going to go mad, I promise you!

Take care,