52f, unemployed suffering from dependency and lonliness so i eat, i cant stick to any job, sister supports me but not happy with me, suffering from obesity and high blood pressure, chronic depression. using sleep medications for last 30 years other meds like antidepresants stopped for now
I sincerely believe you need to see a doctor about your physical issues as soon as possible. Being over-weight and suffering from high blood pressure can be a deadly combination. You need to discuss your 30 years of depending on sleep medications.
I would also recommend that you ask your doctor for a recommendation to a good therapist, preferrably a psychiatrist, to help you with your emotional issues. Feeling dependent on another person, especially one you perceive as being "not happy with me," is only making your self-esteem worse than it already is. You say you suffer with chronic depression and that needs to be addressed also as soon as possible.
There is a reason you can't "stick to any job," and the p-doc will help you figure out why.
I know all of this looks simple from where I'm sitting, but to be very blunt, YOU are the only one who can change where you are now, which doesn't sound like a very healthy or happy place. So, the choice is entirely yours to continue this destructive lifestyle or get pro-avtive to do something about it.
I really believe that once you get your health under control, start to lose some weight, and through therapy begin to regain your self-respect, you will be able to get back into life. Find a job you like and can stick with, get your own place, make some friends. You deserve to be as happy as you can be, but YOU have to want it. Which I think you do since you wrote to us. You may not realize it, but talking to us about these issues was a huge first step on your part. I'm very proud of you for having the courage and the desire to take that step. And now that you have, don't stop there. Talk to your sister about this and she may turn out to be your biggest ally.
There is nothing here that can't be fixed.............unless you do nothing.
We will all be cheering you on and hope you let us know how you're doing!
many thanks for your response, you see i am seeing a psychiatrist for the past 10 years.
before seeing my weight was normal and in these many years i have put on 25 kgs coz of the meds and if i tell my problems,he only puts me on diferent medications that all there is to it. the meds only makes me eat more so now i have the antidepressant and on lorazepam only. i don't see any hope in my case
Sorry to be so blunt here, but if you've been seeing this same psychiatrist for TEN YEARS and you are desperately reaching out to us, you absolutely, in my humble opinion, need to find yourself a new psychiatrist. The one you have now does not seem to be helping you at all.
If you tell him your problems and his treatment plan seems to be to just change your meds, to ignore your unhappiness, your lack of self-esteem, the animosity between you and your sister, your obesity and high blood pressure, your inability to hold down a job..............then what the hell is he doing for you?
I am happy to hear that you are open to seeing a psychiatrist but seriously believe you need to run away from this one and find one who will really knuckle down and work on your issues.
Please consider this. In 10 years you should have seen a great deal of improvement.
Please let us know what you decide, OK?
Just in case this may be an issue for you, you can find another psychiatrist and have that one tell your old one that you've changed doctors if you'd find it intimidating to do that yourself. Your old doctor is bound by HIPPA laws and cannot say anything to your new doctor.
We'll be here if you need any encouragement to move on to a much more productive professioanl relatioship.
thanks again but i had been seeing doctors all my life( coz i had sleep problems from childhood ) when i cameof age inorder to to go to work, i told local doc about it and he prescribed me the sleep meds( which i have been taking till now and can't do away with it) it help me sleep but not with my job. what i trying to say is i am done with these docs and have NO FAITH OR ENERGY to continue and i have no friends or family in this world to help. Thats how it is.
I can understand why you have no faith in doctors, especially psychiatrists. As I said before, after 10 years with the same p-doc you should be pretty far down the road towards recovery! That is seems you have gotten nowhere with this one is ample reason to move on. Finding a new p-doc is not always easy and I understand when you say you have also run out of energy.................but unless you want to continue feeling the way you do, and the simple fact that you wrote to us tells me you don't, then call the local Physcian Hotline, (most hospitals have one) and ask for some referrals to p-docs and set up appts. with each of them to see who you feel the most comfortabel with.
I am not a doctor, but it's my humble opinion that you are suffering from depression, so many of your symptoms fit. I really believe if you got on the right antidepressant and your mood began to lift, it would be easier for you to look at your other issues and have the needed energy, and a newfound desire, to pursue solutiions for them as well.
Doing something about your weight would be an excellent place to begin. Walking is not only free, but it's one of the best means to lose weight and has been proven to help lift your mood as well. Just getting out every day, into the fresh air and sunshine, will help jump start your energy level. Check your local paper for walking groups...........they are becoming more popular as our world, unfortunately, becomes a more frightening place to do many things solo. There are also "Mall Waling" groups that meet at local Malls before they open and you walk in a secure environment. You will meet some great people and very possibly form some friendships. If you can afford to, join a gym, the costs of doing this has become far more reasonable over the years as more and more people have gotten on the health bandwagon. Here, too, you can also meet people. Many gyms have organized sessions for people who need to work on specific areas. Many years ago I joined a gym, but soon quite as I was totally intimidated by all the young and beautiful women who, in my opinion, had no business being there! LOL
But they made me feel like some lumbering elephant and MY low self-esteem kept me from going back. That has changed. Oh, those pert little cuties are still there, but more and more the clientele has changed to people more like us. Look into a fitness center like "Curves" that caters only women and you find that less "intimidating." I really believe that when you see some pounds being shed, your morale will be lifted and your motivation will grow with each lost pound. Of course, you will need to work on your diet at the same time. Exercise is great but those pounds won't come off if you reward your workout with high calorie "treats." Most gyms these days are savvy to the combination of exercise and diet and many offer counseling or at the very least, excellent hand-outs about nutrious eating. Losing some pounds, exercising to feel better not only physically but emotionally and learning about better nutriton and possibly making some friends would be a really great start to busting out of the rut your in.
Until you feel ready to get out there in the 9-5 work world again, volunteering might be the perfect thing to get you out of the house, out of yourself, back into the world and while it's doing all this good stuff for you, you in turn would be doing good stuff to help others which will help your self-esteem immensely. I work in a very large and busy hospital and our group of volunteers is an unbeliveable asset to virtually everyone in that hospital. They are an incredibly busy group of men and women who do so much towards helping our patients and their families and us............we'd be lost without them! If you really like children, volunteering at your local Childrens Hospital may be even more rewarding for you. There are endless opportunities for volunteers.................please consider it until, like I said, you feel more confident to get back out in the job market. I promise you that you will no longer be lonely!
I don't know what has transpired to make you dependent on your sister, but it's obviously not a very good situation. You could make changing that a top priority. I know in todays economy, jobs are few and far between, but I still believe that there is work for those who really want it. It may not be your ideal job and it may not pay much, but it may be enough to get you your own studio apt. and independence from your sister. There are other possibilites in that area as well. Renting a room in a home shared by women like you (think "The Golden Girls!") or you could look for housesitting jobs, which would at least get you out of your sisters house on a temporay basis.
Finding a new psychiatrist who will really work with you on your issues, discussing the possibility of depression and getting help for that, becoming very pro-active in doing things to help yourself feel better rather than sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, these are the things that will get you moving forward and feeling better. But YOU are the ONLY one who can make these things work. The choice is entirely yours.
I know you can do this and I know how much happier you would be. I also know it won't be easy, but it will be worth it in the end.
I wish you the very best and hope you stay in touch with us.
Take a deep breath and gather up your courage and get out there and change the things you can!
You CAN do it!
thank you so much your heartening words and for all the time and effort you have put into respondiing to me i am really overwhelmed by this. i just hope and pray i will find a worthwhile p-doc now. i have been looking for the past so many years. i problem is fear and trust which i hope i will be able to overcome. thanks again. God Bless.
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