I'm going mad !!!

[Jebba]

I don't know what it is but I just need some help ! I recently had a HIV scare and it struck the fear of God into me.. I got tested at my health clinic and I came back negative and I also had a full screening .. everything negative... but my anxiety is STILL here ! I don't know what to do .. I feel like I want to get tested again ... I also had hepatitis jabs and my anxiety is so bad that i'm starting to think the clinic infected me with hiv through my hep jabs ! I know this will sound manic but what the hell do I do to stop this thinking ! I'm losing my mind !!!!! I'm still full of anxiety and scare about HIV and thinking I have it !!! It feels like the stress prior to the test hasn't worn off ... really need help and advice :(

[Jebba]

Cmur I took that test at 9 and a half weeks after exposure and I was negative. It helped, but I still have problems coming to terms with it being negative. Moreso because I came in contact with someone who had HIV... It's just scary as hell. I want to get better now mentally. I don't want this Anxiety to be the trigger of another illness. I'll go crazy and probs end up in a mental home lol... I cried myself to sleep last night because I was so emotional. I'm calling the doctors tomorrow for an appointment to get myself the mental help I need. When I was at work today I don't think so much and I focus. I think I need to get back into the swing of life, but it's when I come home and i'm alone and I sit around that I begin to focus on this and it takes over. Could I possibly be having post traumatic stress .... My anxiety is still here because of the 'what ifs' and internet searches.. and the irrationality of thoughts. I want to move on with my life ... I really do !

[cmur06]

Its good to know that you want to take control over this anxiety.  Good luck :) keep us updated!

[Jebba]

decided to really get control of this immensely if I have the strength to. I've noticed this stress is affecting my Asthma deeply

[Jebba]

Thankyou hope .....

I feel a little better today

[hope86]

Hi Jebba,

Sometimes some encouraging words and reassurance is all a person needs, so let me try here...

You don't have HIV.
You're no more succeptable to HIV than a straight person because we're all human and we can all get infected. You're safe and you have no reason to worry. You feel like you've lost control but you really haven't because you are in charge of your life and you have the choice to avoid certain risks that would make you succeptable to getting HIV.
Don't let these thoughts take over your mind, you need to find something positive to replace them with.

You said you can't help it...this is where you're wrong. Even if it feels like we're losing control, we're not. Stay strong and don't let anxiety get the better of you.

[Jebba]

I don't know what to do ... this thinking is driving me crazy ! I'm a Gay man and I feel like in some shape or form i'm succeptable to HIV in any way ! I can't help it.. regardless of my risk, this scare has scared the living **** out of me ! Why is the clinic so eager to give me hep jabs ! I shouldne't have taken the stupid things !!! My mind can't focus right.. I feel like a part of me is lost .... If I didn't get HIV one way, I then jump to another way I may have got it, and I've not even tested positive .. I don't know why i'm thinking like this ... I feel so sad

[cmur06]

I also see that you never had a reason to get tested in the first place the reasons you described on the HIV forum do not give you HIV, and you cannot diagnose HIV by symptoms because these symptoms are similar with many other infections such as colds.

[cmur06]

You do not HIV, the clinic definitely did no infect you either.  Try and relax and breath and realize that your results are real, and there is no reason to live with this anxiety of having HIV because you don't.  If you continue to have these feelings I would suggest trying to find professional help whether its talking to your primary care doctor, seeing a psychiatrist, or therapist/counselor.  But the clinic you went to is safe, and your report of having a negative status is correct.