how can i escape from my parents?

i am 13  years old and i have been taught to stand up for myself. one problem. when i do stand up for myself to both my parents i get into so much trouble. my mother had me too yound 18. and my dad 21. i live with both my parents and my mum w ill ask me to do this and do that. it may just be little things but they all add up. make me a cup of tea, tidy thid, hoover there, do the kitchen bla bla bla. and when i say no my dad will say excuse me? who the hell do you think you are? you will do as your told. If he had half the life i did then he would understand. i was sexually abused when i was 6 and i told my parents when i was 11. they were reli kind about it and everything saying they were here for me. but now i cant do anything. and whenever i have a friend round they always say when shes gone right you have had your chance time to help and stop lazing around. and if i ever want to go anywhere i get blackmailed for it by my parents. Do this or your not going. i always thought cooking and doing laundry was a mothers  job. but my mum prefers her job over us i swear. and i havehad it to th end of my tether where i do mouth back. and i get into so much trouble for it and cry all the time. see with my mum its always im ill im ill im ill but whenever someone else is ill its always her who is worse. she always makes me feel so bad about mot spending 24/7 with her like where are you going and i would respond to  my room and she woulod go no yuor not and i would say yess i am. and she will always go you never want to spend time with me whereas your sister is always down her and i have homework. should i feel this way or respect what i have got? because i just want to run away!

[mammo]

Hi.  You're at an age where you are searching for boundaries and feeling you deserve more freedom.  I do see two parents who love you and care about how you grow up, and your mother obviously wants to have some quality time with you.  It's okay to stand up for yourself, but when it comes to your parents, you have to always be respectful to them.  Mouthing off to them will get you no where. Maybe it's time to sit down and discuss all of this with your mom, maybe she doesn't see is quite the same as you.  I grew up with no boundaries, parents who didn't care and I would have traded this for what you have in a heart beat.  Maybe the sexual abuse is bothering you, and if you didn't get therapy for this, it may be time to do so.  Traumatic events can stay with us and erupt as anger, anxiety and depression.  I know you're anxious to grow up and get away from your parents, but it's a big step once you realize you're on your own with nobody who cares.  I'm not taking sides, I just feel it's time for a real heart to heart with your mom about all of this. Be glad you have parents who care how you grow up, it just means they love you!  But I also think you're old enough to be rational about everything and not look at it like they just don't want you to have any fun. If you feel they are being unfair, talk to them calmly and express how you see things, they may surprise you!  Often as parents we don't see things quite the same and can be too protective, so communication is needed.  You sound very bright and I think with some talks, all of you can work this out.  You're very young, don't be too eager to grow up it brings a lot of responsilbilty with it.  The next few years will help to prepare you for being on your own, and always arguing with your parents is no way for any of you to live.  Hopefully, all of you can make the best of the years you have left before you do go out on your own.  One thing you will learn is that there are only two people who will always have your back, and love you unconditonally, and that's your mom and dad.  What would you run away to?  Put all that thought and energy into thinking of how you can help make things better between you and your parents....you'll never regret it.  I know it's a tough time for you, but they've never had kids before so all of you are learning together, and communication is what will help your situation.  I hope this helps, and I wish you all the best!

[SLadylani]

I remember when I was 13. I had a mom that was emotionally unavailable. She would never ask me to do this, do that, and that later on turned out to be bad in life. I had to have other people teach me how to do laundry, pump gas, evertyhing. When I was 19, how embarassing! But my mom, she would never talk to me, she would always cater to me but at the same time act like I wasn't even there. She was the kind of mom too that never allowed anyone to have more attention than her. She was always the sick one. She had a mild autoimmune condition and I felt played it up. As I got a little older, 15-17, I hated her. I even thought about amancipation which is legally declaring myself an adult. She was overprotective and would lock me in the house if I did something bad, would spy on me, and not let me grow up. I was rebelling because of the way she raised me and not she was trying to change it. I hated her. Today, 23 going on 80, I still have problems wirth her. But today I realize my mom is sick. Mentally. She did a lot of horrible things this pastt year. She wouldn't let me go to what turn out to be the last semester of the specialty I wanted offered at my school. She forced me to go to an eating disorder treatment center for a whole year. One place was abusive and it actually turns out I had Celiac disease-which means they were forcing me to eat food I was allergic to and hurting me-but she didnt beleive me, refused to talk to me, and kept me there. Today I have to keep my boundaries. She is still my mother, but I don't resent her for the past because it is over, it made me who I am, and I can't change it. It's a sad thing, but I am who I am in spite of my mom today. I thought I would never make it to 18 years old were I could have my own life. Now, at 23, I wish I was 17 again! Years fly by after you turn 18 and theres no turning back. What do you have to be grateful for? How can YOU better your life right now. What changes can you make? Can you research family counseling? Even if you are 13, you can take charge of your life, because youre the one living it. Remember, evryone likely will have something to say about their parents, and all I can say is it does get better as you get older. Once you get into High School you can join groups and stay out of the house more. Especially once you can drive and work. Try to think of one thing at night youre grateful for, even if its toilet paper, and try that for a week and see what happens. It does get better. It did for me, and I was the one person I thought it'd never get better for.

Sara RN

[Jaybay]

I think everyone at your age has felt like the household slave laborer at one point or another.  I don't think your parents are setting out to make your life miserable, but more like they've gotten into a habit of ordering you to do things instead of "asking" you to do them.

It's time for you to put on your emotional maturity hat and have a calm discussion with both your parents about what you're thinking and feeling.  Maybe suggest that instead of ordering you to do things when the thought occurs to them, they could make out a list of things you're expected to do to contribute to the household and let you do it in your own time within a certain time frame.  Just as they need to plan their days, so do you.  

Mouthing off and being disrespectful is not "standing up for yourself" and it's not an effective way to make your point.  I know it's a lot to ask that you try to hold your temper when you're upset, but I think you can handle it.  Basically, you're asking your parents to stop treating you like a child.  If you don't act like a child, you'll earn the respect that you want and deserve.