Aa
i need help. i honestly dont think i can do this by myself
I'm going through what seems to me the most difficult point in my life. My anxiety has been getting very severe to the point that I'm getting scared to leave my house again because I am constantly anxious or just having feelings of overwhelming fear.
My boyfriend was injured at work on april 2nd and hasn't been able to work since then. I don't make enough money to pay all the bills and cover all the basic necessities so we fell behind on everything. He still hasn't received any disability and currently has a lawyer involved but our landlord is fed up and we just got an eviction letter and our court date is june 9th. My parents dislike my boyfriend and have agreed to help as long as I leave him. I've been with him for over 3 years and have lived with him for 3 years so the thought of leaving him also stresses me out even though I know he's not good for me. He drinks and smokes a lot of pot and has no motivation. The reason we're in this spot is because he failed a drug test after the accident because of marijuana and wasn't even allowed to do light duties at work.
So now I have no idea what's going on. I don't know where I'm going to live or what I'm going to do. My mom is more than happy to let me stay with her for a little while to get back in my feet but I'm terrified of ending the life I've known for 3 years. Even my therapist wants me to get away from my boyfriend. She is convinced some of my anxiety will subside if I get away from him.
I'm feeling so overwhelmed right now. I haven't been able to eat or sleep. I feel horrible most days being lightheaded, nauseous, shakey, and having tightness in my chest. I constantly feel like my muscles are clenched and ready for me to just take off running. I could really use some support or advice during all of this. I'm afraid my anxiety will become too much for me to handle and I'll become housebound again like I did last year during extreme amounts of stress. The only difference is last year I was withdrawing off xanax so it was merely horrible rebound anxiety and this year its real anxiety over real problems that are going to change my life significantly.
My boyfriend was injured at work on april 2nd and hasn't been able to work since then. I don't make enough money to pay all the bills and cover all the basic necessities so we fell behind on everything. He still hasn't received any disability and currently has a lawyer involved but our landlord is fed up and we just got an eviction letter and our court date is june 9th. My parents dislike my boyfriend and have agreed to help as long as I leave him. I've been with him for over 3 years and have lived with him for 3 years so the thought of leaving him also stresses me out even though I know he's not good for me. He drinks and smokes a lot of pot and has no motivation. The reason we're in this spot is because he failed a drug test after the accident because of marijuana and wasn't even allowed to do light duties at work.
So now I have no idea what's going on. I don't know where I'm going to live or what I'm going to do. My mom is more than happy to let me stay with her for a little while to get back in my feet but I'm terrified of ending the life I've known for 3 years. Even my therapist wants me to get away from my boyfriend. She is convinced some of my anxiety will subside if I get away from him.
I'm feeling so overwhelmed right now. I haven't been able to eat or sleep. I feel horrible most days being lightheaded, nauseous, shakey, and having tightness in my chest. I constantly feel like my muscles are clenched and ready for me to just take off running. I could really use some support or advice during all of this. I'm afraid my anxiety will become too much for me to handle and I'll become housebound again like I did last year during extreme amounts of stress. The only difference is last year I was withdrawing off xanax so it was merely horrible rebound anxiety and this year its real anxiety over real problems that are going to change my life significantly.
Your situation sounds so much like mine it's kinda weird. I too was in a relationship for 3 years, though we had been dating on and off for 8 years, in which we lived together. He also had little to no motivation, tons of debt, and basically it all fell on me to take care of everything. He had no car so I had to drive him everywhere. His paychecks were being garnished for various bills he hadn't paid, tickets he never took care of.....so I paid for everything. I loved him, but I was getting overwhelmed. You can only help someone for so long before they HAVE to start helping themselves. I realized we were in a very toxic/co-dependent relationship. I recently moved home, and at 26 it's hard to pack up and admit that I need help. I've been on my own since I was 18, so admitting that I'm in trouble and can't do it on my own anymore has been extremely difficult.
But I look at it this way......if it's meant to be, it will be. I still love him, but I was losing myself in our relationship. I wasn't happy, as much as I tried to convince myself otherwise. The change from seeing him everyday to not even talking to him has been immensely hard, but despite that I already see an improvement in my mood and anxiety. I'm taking this time to take care of me, get my life in order, and figure out how to rely on myself for my own happiness. I understand the feeling of how you don't want to give up on something you've invested so much time....YEARS.....in, a relationship that required so much effort, and it's daunting to think that you have to start over.
You can do it though. We're still young, we can move on. And maybe you leaving to take care of yourself will make him realize that he was taking you for granted. Maybe it'll cause him to buckle down and grow up. I know how hard this all is, believe me, I still have days where I cry over what has happened, but I know the end will justify the means.
Hang in there.
But I look at it this way......if it's meant to be, it will be. I still love him, but I was losing myself in our relationship. I wasn't happy, as much as I tried to convince myself otherwise. The change from seeing him everyday to not even talking to him has been immensely hard, but despite that I already see an improvement in my mood and anxiety. I'm taking this time to take care of me, get my life in order, and figure out how to rely on myself for my own happiness. I understand the feeling of how you don't want to give up on something you've invested so much time....YEARS.....in, a relationship that required so much effort, and it's daunting to think that you have to start over.
You can do it though. We're still young, we can move on. And maybe you leaving to take care of yourself will make him realize that he was taking you for granted. Maybe it'll cause him to buckle down and grow up. I know how hard this all is, believe me, I still have days where I cry over what has happened, but I know the end will justify the means.
Hang in there.
Erin, Im unstable right now with my dibilitating panic attacks, so i dont know if my advice is good, but my mom is my backbone right now.. Im the one that carries all the load here at home, takin care of my 3 kids and my disabled mom. At the moment do to this illness i cant even work, hopefully these god awful meds im on will soon work for me. Im so worried for my life to stand steal for the moment while i heal, but i have no choice, i need to get better for my family. like me you are very lucky your mom is there for you. And like me maybe putting your life on hold for awhile wont be such a bad idea, lean on mama =). When i have these panic attacks she is the one i go to and i lay my head in her lap. Thats better then any pill.
You sound anything but insensitive. you're right about everything and I know what I have to do..I'm just scared. I don't want to have to start my life over. And I don't like not knowing what is going on with my relationship, or where I'm going to live.
Like I said I'm overwhelmed with the situation and just hearing any outside perspective helps immensely.
Like I said I'm overwhelmed with the situation and just hearing any outside perspective helps immensely.
I had no financial or major anxiety troubles until we moved in together
^^^ Your words. This is so hard for you, I understand that. You are stuck between a rock and hard place. You have to ask yourself some REALLY tough questions. You need to ask yourself if you're afraid to leave him just because you're afraid of change? Because you're "used to" him?.....or are you afraid to remove him from your life because you truly love him and he is a supportive, helpful, equal partner?
My guess is that your answer will be the first few. Relationships are tough, and me saying these things doesn't mean that I'm discounting what you two have, but it sounds an awful like a toxic relationship at this point that is bringing you more hardship.
You're left to bear all of this burden, financially, finding a place to go...the legal ramifications...may I ask..what has HE done to rectify the situation>? Or even HELP with it? You're worried about having a rough night at work, what will HE be doing while you're busting your hind end and worrying yourself sick?
I don't mean to sound insensitive. I really feel for you and realize you're in a very tough situation. But, things are coming to a head and you have to do some hard thinking and decision making. If you decide you want him IN your life...then I would strongly suggest making some serious demands on what you expect from him. If he isn't willing to pull his own weight, then you have your answer.
You have every right to be an anxious mess. I can't even imagine. Unfortunately, these are problems that aren't going away any time soon, so you have to face them. Be the strong woman you are and face them for YOU. YOU deserve a whole lot. Some peace for one. If you can find that with him, that's okay too. But again, you have some tough decisions to make.
All I can say that may be comforting to you in some way is we're here for you while you go thru this...and you know that. I wish I could give you a real {{{{{hug}}}}}.
Hang in there sweetie!
^^^ Your words. This is so hard for you, I understand that. You are stuck between a rock and hard place. You have to ask yourself some REALLY tough questions. You need to ask yourself if you're afraid to leave him just because you're afraid of change? Because you're "used to" him?.....or are you afraid to remove him from your life because you truly love him and he is a supportive, helpful, equal partner?
My guess is that your answer will be the first few. Relationships are tough, and me saying these things doesn't mean that I'm discounting what you two have, but it sounds an awful like a toxic relationship at this point that is bringing you more hardship.
You're left to bear all of this burden, financially, finding a place to go...the legal ramifications...may I ask..what has HE done to rectify the situation>? Or even HELP with it? You're worried about having a rough night at work, what will HE be doing while you're busting your hind end and worrying yourself sick?
I don't mean to sound insensitive. I really feel for you and realize you're in a very tough situation. But, things are coming to a head and you have to do some hard thinking and decision making. If you decide you want him IN your life...then I would strongly suggest making some serious demands on what you expect from him. If he isn't willing to pull his own weight, then you have your answer.
You have every right to be an anxious mess. I can't even imagine. Unfortunately, these are problems that aren't going away any time soon, so you have to face them. Be the strong woman you are and face them for YOU. YOU deserve a whole lot. Some peace for one. If you can find that with him, that's okay too. But again, you have some tough decisions to make.
All I can say that may be comforting to you in some way is we're here for you while you go thru this...and you know that. I wish I could give you a real {{{{{hug}}}}}.
Hang in there sweetie!
Thank you. I've been praying over this situation and I've been trying to just leave it in God's hands but the anxiety is still bad. Its funny..I've been praying non stop for God to show me what to do and give me a sign and now the signs are all here that its time to move on with my life yet I'm still scared. I am going nowhere, I'm about to be 26 and I'm worse off than I was when I was 22. I had no financial or major anxiety troubles until we moved in together. I've done the pros and cons and there's way more cons if we stay together. This fear is maddening. Its constant...it feels like that nervouse feeling right before you get on stage to give a speech but its 24 hours a day. I have to work tonight and I have to force myself to muddle through it but its not going to be easy.
so sorry your going throught this , its never easy walking away from someone even if you dont have much. but somewhere you must love him.
you need to do pros/cons. if hes not going to work and help you out or bring in any kind of money than your going no where. if he treats you bad and does not care how much you do to keep ya afloat than ya are going no where.
i can understand your parents not wanting to help you out because it helps him out and they wont him gone.
anxiety is really bad . i have lived with it off and on more off until now i seem to be having it again and like you started being light headed and sick to stomack with a slight headack everyday. cant stand that feeling of dizzy/lightheaded that along can house bound you.. but dont let it.
i pray you can decide what to do and do it for you not him.
you need to do pros/cons. if hes not going to work and help you out or bring in any kind of money than your going no where. if he treats you bad and does not care how much you do to keep ya afloat than ya are going no where.
i can understand your parents not wanting to help you out because it helps him out and they wont him gone.
anxiety is really bad . i have lived with it off and on more off until now i seem to be having it again and like you started being light headed and sick to stomack with a slight headack everyday. cant stand that feeling of dizzy/lightheaded that along can house bound you.. but dont let it.
i pray you can decide what to do and do it for you not him.
I am sorry that you are going through this, I know how hard anxiety is although my anxiety tends to be health related. Change is hard and scary, but I am a true believer that EVERYTHING that happens happens for a reason. The universe, God or whatever you believe in is trying to tell you that you need a change in your life. This change may be for the best. My cousin had a boyfriend who had the same issues and she wasted so much time and energy and even got pregnant in a desperate attempt to stay with him. Now she realizes that she made a mistake wasted toooo much time and has to take care of her child by herself because he cant keep a job wastes all his money on weed doesnt want to help her and only gives her $75. a month for child support. You are stronger than what you think and you have to love yourself enough so that you can have a better life than the one you are living now. Listen to the people who love you because they are usually right, they want the best for you and can see what you cant see. It's not ok that your boyfriend put you guys in this situation... you have to hold him accountable for his actions. People who do stuff like that always have drama because of one thing or another. I hope you feel better soon and remember that things will get better. There is always hope!!! Good luck!!
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