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i'm afraid of everything and been having obsessive thoughts?
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i'm afraid of everything and been having obsessive thoughts?

hi!
i have suffered from depression/anxiety for as far back as i can remember, and was diagnosed at age 14. (i'm now 21). for the last year my anxiety has gotten super bad, to the point where i have completely socially isolated myself. i lost most of my friends, and have pushed away potential ones due to my irrational fear of being judged, made funn of, and eventually left. i thought i was getting relief because lately i've been able to socialize normally, and the social-anxiety weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.. but it seems that right as i got over my social anxiety, i have inherited a new obsession: dying. i have been having these obsessive thoughts every day for the last couple weeks to the point where it consumes me. i think about one thing, then go to something else, until eventually i'm in this deep sink hole of fear that i can't get out of. i've been obsessing about a few things, primarily over the afterlife, and the possibility that we cease to exist once we die (born catholic, currently buddhist), change and the fact that i'm growing older and closer to losing my loved ones, especially my grandma and father (today i thought about it so much that i was crying hysterically in my room for almost two hours..), and the end of the world (this one started a little before the december 21 2012 "end of the world" scare and has been a growing obsession of mine since). i have gotten to the point where i am now having anxiety/panic attacks because of my fear of death and time, even though there is currently no reason for me to think i'm going to die. i don't know what to do about it, and i don't really have many options since i currently don't have health insurance. does anyone have any suggestions on how i can control this on my own? or should i cave, go to a doctor, and try the best i can to afford and seek treatment? thank you.
9 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
Sorry to hear you feel this way. I, too constantly have irrational thoughts.. usually about my health. I completely understand what you're going through,  my mind never stops and I'm constantly thinking about things I cannot control. It drives me crazy!!!
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136956_tn?1363091289
You sound like me :)

I grew up in a very strict Christian home and was brainwashed to believe that if I did anything wrong I was going to hell.

I am 36 yrs old and I really had such bad anxiety over fear of death which has haunted me since my teens. I obsess over it, I am terrified of it but therapy did help.

A lot of people fear death, but anxiety could be the reason you are fearing death as well or vice versa.

The one thing I have done is research all different kinds of faiths. I want to know about all of them and what they believe in and what gives them inner peace and not fear. I find now that what I am really looking for is inner peace. It has nothing to do with life or death it is being at peace no matter what happens and living my life to the fullest while I am on earth.

I am a black and white thinker so this is hard for me. I want to know how we got here, why we exist and what our purpose is. I have to realise it really doesn't matter, what matters is the now. Not living in the past, not living in the future but living today. Mediate on the today, on peace within yourself.

I know this seems whacked but seriously it has helped me as well as self help books and the Dali Lama books.  

The fact in life is that we live and we die. No one knows when and no one really knows what happens after death. People can debate all they want to and shove their beliefs down your throat but in the end it makes you more confused and have more anxiety. I believe in God myself, not the church, but in a relationship with God. Is it because I was raised to believe in God?

Most likely but that is why for the first time I am being opened minded about other peoples beliefs to see what makes them be at peace with no fear.

I do know you are harming your health and mind my worrying. This is coming from someone who now has chronic illnesses and I am sure they stemmed from stress and anxiety. You need to learn how to cope with stress and anxiety.

Soul search if you dont have the money to see someone but my advice really is to see a therapist they really do help.
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1696489_tn?1370825574
You need treatment, hun.  Try to get insurance, and if not, seek treatment that will allow a payment plan.  I hope you feel better soon! - Blu
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Avatar_f_tn
Look into trying INOSIITOL.  You can find it in health food stores.   It apparently has a pretty good track record.  Read up on the internet.  I just bought some today for my daughter who has obsessive compulsive disorder.  Hopefully I'll remember to return to this forum and let you know how she did with it.  I was talking to a woman at the store and she knows two people who take it for OCD and she said "they had so much improvement on the inositol".  My daughter is 16 right now.  I noticed the OCD slowly coming on the past several years and it's gotten worse the past few months.  Just leave me a message if I forget to check this forum if you'd like to find out how she's doing.  Good luck.
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Avatar_f_tn
I do EXACTLY the same thing!!!!! Death, end of the world everything! I went to doctors and therapy programs and they were beneficial while I was there but when I left I was right back to where I was so I wouldnt necessarily go to a doctor especially since you dont have insurance. I just kind of learned to accept everything like when I have a panic attack. If I just accept the idea of dying my attacks usually just go away. Its like because I faced the fear it no longer scares me. Now im not saying this will cure it. I still have an attack everyday probably but it helps it because they only last a couple minutes instead of like 20 minutes.
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4190741_tn?1370181432
The fear of death is a real big fear, if you suffer from anxiety or not.
many many people are afraid of dying alone or in pain or constantly think about it to the point where the fear clouds out anything positive or even allows clear thought.

I myself would cave in and call my doctor and have a full checkup to see if there is a physical reason for your symptoms and thought processes.
Your doctor might have a payment plan or you can call a 1800 hotline and be referred to a doctor who may have cheaper rates...

Good luck to you in the journey I hope you start very soon

M
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Avatar_m_tn
I feel SO much for you...  I’m many years older than you, and have suffered fears of everything all of my life...  I now feel worse I think than I ever did...  Nothing seems to help, and though I have no answers/cures for you,  I do hope it helps to know that others understand and are going through the same and so you are NOT alone!  I live in the United Kingdom  and trust me; though medical help is free over here and it sounds great – nobody has EVER helped me...  I’ve just fallen by the way side...  I wish you much love and luck in your search for a cure .xxx
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm afraid of everything
From talking to doing things I don't enjoy anything even if I try so hard to get involved takes me ages to understand something or ingage in it, my attention is terrible I wander into thoughts or past experiences which I have failed in or felt **** which seems to be most of my life
what should I be doing instead of this I generally can't function in life evrything is so hard n too hard I get confused and frustrated people get annoyed I'm not listening or not doing what they have said but I try so hard, if I listen and get a story I don't know what to say back it's like my brain doesn't work I can only seem to express these feelings to people not that I can discuss this with many
My memory is shot so what's the point if I don't remember or cant come up with a decent sentence or story about something I don't even hear the right lyrics in music I've realised for years I've been like this n just clock out I get a couple of lines easy ones n that's it
I wanna know songs I wanna be able to talk and talk and song and be excited about something it just doesn't happen
My conversation and vocal vocab is terrible
Can't spell can't pronounce things properly
I feel like I put on a act or something just to appear normal but far from that
No confidence and if it is it's fake most of the time I know **** all about things sometimes I even think stop dwelling on this and learn something but I'm like what's the point I can't remember or is this really valuable to learn I could be doing this and that even now I'm thinking what's the point in writing this I should be reading something else
Reading is hard to concertrate and be interested tv it's hard to take in details I ended up repeating things in my head to try to remember but that doesn't work n I miss the next thing
I don't have any interests I just follow people like sheep I feel like I'm just an extra body their I listen but normally have nothing remotely decent to say back
I've been in shipping for seven years and realised I know **** all Last job I could just copy stuff but now I've moved it's harder than that - I don't remember to take notes which frustrates me when jobs are repeated N if I note something I cannot find it which frustrates me so much
just go through every day and don't seem to learn anything permanently
I'm stuck in rud I feel like I'm so vunuable to people as I can't question them I normally have the wrong. End of the stick but if I am right I don't have the words to convince them and to explain
I'm only alive as I'm afraid of death and the people I will scare if I die
I'm also catholic and would be a sin even though I haven't been to church in ages

Evrything seems pointless

I also smoked weed from 17-24 thought that made me happy but all that time I was just talking in my head exploring angles of my life each a dead end and I feel I've wasted my life and brain maybe that's why I'm so **** but even when I look back to childhood I've been the same hiding from evrything the weed has just masked it

I'm so scared and feel like I can't go on this feels like hell to me just wanna be able to have a decent happy conversation and learn stuff which is meaning full and I don't lose x
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Avatar_m_tn
You are not alone in your situation, it's more common than you would ever believe.  So you're not unique, just a bit different to the norm.

I am not a health professional so can not give too much meaningful advice, except that you should probably seek counseling, and definitely need to STAY POSITIVE.
This website is brilliant and informative, however, I would advise against the internet for too much advice(except this website). Good luck

P.S I'm 29 and have been known to lose arguments with a toddler
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