Aa
I know I am being irrational, but I have anxiety over my HIV test
Some background, I was in a relationship with a man back in 2010-11. We were both screened for stis, including HIV 6 months after our last sexual encounters. We broke up for a weekend and got back together. He promised that he hadn't slept with anyone else so we continued to both not use condoms. We broke up and I discovered that he had actually slept with a friend of ours when we were split up for a weekend multiple times. He swore that he used protection during vaginal sex with her. About 4 months after his encounter, we both were screened and showed up negative for HIV and everything else except chlamydia and were both treated for that.
I know that is is VERY unlikely that we both would show up negative for HIV antibodies 4 months after, but I am now getting my annual HIV test and my results still won't be known to me for a week. I think I am just upset because it is around the time when we broke up last year and all the hurt from the betrayal (as well as the fact that he was abusive) is weighing down on me and I am so plagued with anxiety that I can barely function. The lady who conducted my test just made me feel awful by saying that I was "emotionally vulnerable" to HIV (though I ALWAYS use protection and don't use drugs and know my partners) for being a survivor of abuse and implied that it was my fault for catching chlamydia due to being involved in an abusive relationship.
Also, I have had no signs of HIV. I guess I was just hoping that someone could grant me some wisdom through this trial.
I know that is is VERY unlikely that we both would show up negative for HIV antibodies 4 months after, but I am now getting my annual HIV test and my results still won't be known to me for a week. I think I am just upset because it is around the time when we broke up last year and all the hurt from the betrayal (as well as the fact that he was abusive) is weighing down on me and I am so plagued with anxiety that I can barely function. The lady who conducted my test just made me feel awful by saying that I was "emotionally vulnerable" to HIV (though I ALWAYS use protection and don't use drugs and know my partners) for being a survivor of abuse and implied that it was my fault for catching chlamydia due to being involved in an abusive relationship.
Also, I have had no signs of HIV. I guess I was just hoping that someone could grant me some wisdom through this trial.
I am very happy to get your "negative" news!
It sounds like you've done a great deal of thinking in the past few days and you've made some very intelligent decisions based on your experience. We do, indeed "live and learn!"
So..........you've got a clean slate and your whole life ahead of you and I wish you nothing but good health, happiness and love.
Take care, Toots!
Peace
Greenlydia
It sounds like you've done a great deal of thinking in the past few days and you've made some very intelligent decisions based on your experience. We do, indeed "live and learn!"
So..........you've got a clean slate and your whole life ahead of you and I wish you nothing but good health, happiness and love.
Take care, Toots!
Peace
Greenlydia
I agree that I should celebrate being out of the relationship and I do. I love my life now and couldn't imagine it back where it was. I was sad about the fact that I let all that happen to me, which I know is counterproductive but I was at a vulnerable point. The testing just brought back some pretty awful memories about where I was a year ago. I seek therapy weekly. I know it is irrational, but I was fearing this test because it seemed like a way he could attack me from afar (I moved 3 hours away) and I was stricken with fear that my past would come back to haunt me. I am grateful that chlamydia was the worst I got and am eager to move on and now have the confidence of an HIV negative diagnosis to go on with my life the way I want to.
I am going to talk to this woman's supervisor not with intentions of getting her in trouble but as to have her instructed how to not disrespect or induce irrational anxiety in her clients.
I knew at the end of all of this that I would be a lot happier. I now know 100% that I am HIV negative and I know now that in the future I should always choose rapid testing due to my panic disorder. You live and learn, right?
I am taking this time to evaluate my approaches to life. I have intentionally chosen to remain single for at least another 6 months and I'm thinking that I'm not going to do the whole relationship-no-condom thing anytime again soon because honestly I've learned that young people are just awful to each other.
You were absolutely right on everything. Thanks for your concern and thoughts. I'm in a much happier place now. Take care!
-Chicagodoll
I am going to talk to this woman's supervisor not with intentions of getting her in trouble but as to have her instructed how to not disrespect or induce irrational anxiety in her clients.
I knew at the end of all of this that I would be a lot happier. I now know 100% that I am HIV negative and I know now that in the future I should always choose rapid testing due to my panic disorder. You live and learn, right?
I am taking this time to evaluate my approaches to life. I have intentionally chosen to remain single for at least another 6 months and I'm thinking that I'm not going to do the whole relationship-no-condom thing anytime again soon because honestly I've learned that young people are just awful to each other.
You were absolutely right on everything. Thanks for your concern and thoughts. I'm in a much happier place now. Take care!
-Chicagodoll
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You stated, and I quote.........."(though I ALWAYS use protection and don't use drugs and know my partners)" But you said earlier that he promised he hadn't slept with anyone else during your week-end break-up, so you continued to not use condoms. So you DON'T always use protection and you "know my partners." Apparently you didn't know this one very well. He lied to you, he cheated on you, he gave you chlamydia AND he was abusive!
I don't understand why you would be feeling any sort of sadness on this one year anniversary of your breakup. I'd be popping open the champagne and toasting with "good riddance to bad rubbish." I'd also be counting my blessings that chlamydia was the only thing he gave you.
We've ALL been hurt and betrayed but you're very young and perhaps this was your first time. I'm sorry that a year later, you're still feeling the pain. Sadly, all I can say is welcome to the big bad world. You need to accept what happened, learn from it, put it behind you and move on.
As for the woman who did your HIV test, I'm really at a loss for words regarding my opinion of her conduct. (Well, actually, I'm NOT, but they don't let me use that kind of language here)
What the hell did she mean that you were "emotionally vulnerable to HIV?" What an absolute crock. I trust you know that a persons emotional state of mind does not make one more vulnerable to HIV (and damn near everthing else!) She is not only wrong about her "facts," what she said to you was uncalled for, unkind and PROFOUNDLY UNPROFESSIONAL!
As someone in the medical field myself, I strongly urge you to find out who her immediate supervisor is and let them know exactly what she said to you and in no uncertain terms make it clear that her words and attitude were completely unacceptable and offensive and you want a personal letter of apology! I cannot believe they would allow such a person to be in her position. If her boss starts to give you some defensive crap, ask her who HER boss is and go over her head. And keep on going over heads until you get some satisfaction, which you more than deserve. I am VERY angry for you. As if people aren't frightened enough, they absolutely do not deserve to be confronted by some judgemental...............person.
You only have one week for your test results and there is nothing I can tell you to do that will magically make you stop freaking out. You can try to stay busy, blah, blah, blah............make it through the week, get your results and then take some time to rethink your approach to life, relationships, sex........whatever. You may want to consider some therapy to figure out why you allowed yourself to be abused. I don't care how good the sex is, NOBODY has the right to abuse you in ANY way.
I hope you will let me know how you're doing.
You're going to be just fine.
Peace
Greenlydia