suffering with anxiety and in bad relationship

[ash0605]

i am with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years now we have 2 small children..i suffer with very bad anxiety as i have had a few traumatic experiences i am finding it hard to concentrate on myself and try get myself right as my partner has a bad addicton wit alcahol and cocaine hes been in treatment centre and aa before but he wont go back i really dont know what to do i am fearful for his life and afraid of been without him but i dont want to go on living like dis im jus lookin for some advice ,or any1 who has been in d same position i am and cud share their experience

[29sillygirl]

Anytime.  I am old enough to be your granny and live in the states, but think I do know what you are going through.

Take it easy on yourself.  If you just can't let go right now, it's ok.  Understandable.

Until you have another source of support, you will hold on.  If something awful happens to him, you can face that when it happens.  Try not to second guess the future.  

BTW: one of our 'gurus' is from your part of the world.  Expect you'll be getting a man's point of view from Mr. G soon.   Let us lighten the load.  Sometimes we joke about our anxiety and where it has taken us.   A little humor would be nice for you right now.

[ash0605]

thanks very much for that its nice to hear from some1 who understands as been only 20 years old not many of my friends understand because none have been in this situation..deep down i know i shud let go but am so afraid what will happen to him if i do..hopefully ill find d strength to somehow..best wishes to you too!!

[29sillygirl]

You already know what I am going to say, but hope I can help.  With two children in the mix, it is absolutely essential that you focus on your well being.  

As to the relationship, I can tell you I've been there.  What happens is you need your man to hold on to: feel safe when he is there as opposed to living on your own, especially with the two children.  Then, boom!  He disappears.  And the bottom drops out of your world.  Anxiety on the rise!    

If he is anything like the friend I had, your man is an absolute charmer and loving and funny, but oh boy.  When the bad times hit, they will knock you to the ground.  

The reality is very hard.  In my case, it involved lots of lies, stealing, even my car, and no sense of responsibility on the part of my guy.  'Why you do me like this.....you know I just borrowed the car...wouldn't hurt you ....'   This was first call from jail.  LOL.

You are emotionally hooked on your guy, and have his children now.  He is not going to change without therapy...or possibly jail.  You mention that you are fearful for his life. I want you to change channels, and start being fearful for yours.  What good are you going to be to children if his behavior puts you in psych ward ???  

I think, all trauma aside, you may suffer from an anxiety disorder, and that is what you need to work on.                    Best wishes from someone who made it out the other side!