therapy

went to therapy - alot came out about mymom death when I was young. I just wasn't sure about how much I have repressed. MY WHOLE LIFE IS REPRESSED.  I journaled this morning and it came to mind with a major cry fit..that as a child, I did everything I could-for 5 long years up to the age of 14 to make it all ok. But then she died. It just hit me this late in life that I couldn't fix that or protect it in anyway.  Has anyone ever been in this type of a position? it triggered so much- I had to take two doses of ativan just to get through the anxiety of the day. I had an attack int he moring driving....it came off and on during the day. I have been crying alot and am wondering when this will pass. I feel tired, exhausted and sad.

[bearboy]

yes it's terrible..hang in there

[MrGreen]

Can happen. I was knocked down / ended under a car when 18-years-old. It didn't hit me till I was 20-years-old. Kept it all in. I know that is only 2 years. But you can surpress things for years. Therapy can be about getting to the bottom of these things and a good cry will do you no harm at all. Might at last help you start dealing with what is really getting at you. That can be the idea. To unlock what you are hiding away. Nothing to be ashamed of at all. You did well. Wish you the best of luck with any future work too.

[JSGeare]

Scope out my journal entry about the stain on the floor -which is a metaphor for our psychological challenges. I think you'll apprecaiet it.

Meanwhile, know this: when you get to the point that the memories can produce strong emotional response as a reaction to new insights and understandings of self, it is a sign that the therapy is working, and also that you are learning to be your own therapist. All of this, very good.

Also, your statement "MY WHOLE LIFE IS REPRESSED" is exactly right. For ALL of us. Repression is one of the things the brain does with material as it moves from present to past. The problem comes up when material is so  profound that it STAYS repressed and never bvecomes integrated into our understanding of ourselves and the world around us. Think of your subconscious as a kind of post office, comprised of vast rooms of pigeon holes into which the "mail" is sorted (the mail being our experiences, thoughts, sensations, feelings, etc.) Sooner or later, the letters have to be processed and moved on to their final destinations -the spaces they will occupy in the sum total of our experience. But some material is so bulky or dangerous or delicate that its sits and sits, awaiting "special handling." That's the stuff that stays "repressed" for too long until it piles up, and, if not taken care of, messes up the rest of the flow. Therapy is a way to pick through that mess and get everything moving again. And that is exactly what you are doing.

Good work. Keep going.

-S

[Isaiah4110]

Yes, do scope out JSGeare's journal - it's amazing & extremely profound, to say the very least..but you'll have to excuse his spelling though, heh.. ;-)

Seriously..I spent hours reading his journal & enjoyed it immensely - he's wise beyond his years - don't let his rather "young" age fool you! Haha! LOL!!