tools i need to use today

[DJ873]

I am a 47 year old female who has been dealing with the whole schebang, anxiety, depression,, now menopause, teetering on agorophobia, ptsd, anyway, that is not why i decided to post, I have read a zillion books and the common thread is thoughts are only thoughts and can't hurt you. I decided this is where i would focus my attention. I have had a few days of momentum now and so i want to share, I have posted these before and today I need to pracitce what I wrote!!!  Tried to talk myself out of excercising this morning with all my classic what ifs, did it anyway!!! My mind is not the driver as hard as it trys :)

Daily I have been excercising, first thing before I can "what if" myself out of it, just a simple Richard Simmons blast of video

Knowing today does not have to be a extension of yesterday, that God has blessed me with a brand new day (Ekhardt Tolle is a master at this and I highly reccomend his books)

That I CHOOSE where to focus my awareness, I don't fight the intrusive thoughts but do notice them and use a thought process of questions, what is so, so what, so what and find the worst that usually will happen is I will feel crappy for awhile but nothing huge will happen. Today, my deceased brother's brithday, I notice remember and miss him but cannot make it my focus of the day. I love you David!

Write write write, I have seperate little books, one for crisis time reminding me of what helps, one just a daily journal, one of zen sayings that I like to write with art.

Each morning I meditate (well as best I can with thoughts flying :)) and it is taking time but I can start to get it just trusting the process now we will see how it goes. Today this was challenging, my mind wanted to wander. Looked at my drawing of standing in the sun with the thoughts being clouds and recentered myself to the now.

Not thinking too far ahead... I have a choice, I can look at the past the future or now. Even just staring at a spot on the wall helps bring to now.  Today added smells and sounds actually this was really helpful!

I have been "doing it anyway" oh my gosh those are loaded words, as I feel the need to curl in a ball. THis is the most difficult of all for me. I have been lost in my head and nearly housebound for a couple years now clinging to my safe person like glue. I am determined to break that one for all of our sake. Several successes with this now. Alot less uncomfortable whe he leaves, still uncomfortable when I venture off without him but getting less so each time.

The heavy sadness can be so excruciating (sp?) but I am learning it is ok to be sad and not catastrophise to something more than it is, emotions are energy in motion.

It feels so good to write this and if just one person finds it helpful and wants to be motivation buddies friend me up!! Have a blessed day, beautiful here in Oregon.

[churnman]

Thank you for your lengthy posting. Many of the things you do to counter your anxiety/depression I do but I often forget to do and become overwhelmed.

Your thoughts are inspiring.

[DJ873]

been a few weeks now, doing more, easier to focus on the now, got thru the holidays this way and actually enjoyed them. A couple of days now of backsliding, dreaming of the past trauma's makes me believe if they are not going to come out thru panic, they will choose another path. I've worked with a therapist with this stuff but i guess i still have a ways to go. I want that momentum to kick back in. I hate feeling sad and anxious. Tomorrow is fresh and new and i will "Do it Anyway!!"