How to deal with the

[Vanishedwish]

urge to give up, the exhaustion & the continues argument in your mind about the worth of?

[rmevans]

I have a feeling I know some of what you are going through.  During my depressions, I just remember hiding in my room, not talking to anyone, not answering the phone or the door.  I closed all the curtains, wouldn't shower, had no appetite, or let anyone help me.  All I could do was curl up on my bed or my couch and wish I would just sleep forever.  Of course I couldn't sleep at all so I just wallowed in the pain.  

In later years when I got depressed, I self-medicated with alcohol.  Anytime I got up the slightest motivation, I would go get alcohol, because I thought that at least I would be able to pass out if I drank enough.  But looking back, I'm lucky that I am still here because the combination of alcohol and depression can be a straight track to suicide.  Good thing I didn't even have the energy or motivation to try to kill myself.

I think the only thing that got me through was time, medication, and my family.  Even when they weren't around to help and didn't know about my depressions, it was in the back of my head that it would probably destroy them if I killed myself.  I just couldn't to that to my family. When the suicidal thoughts came in, I would get really scared.  The first time I started to get truly suicidal thoughts, I was drunk and I called a dozen psychiatrists in the phone book and told them I needed help right away.  I don't know how I managed to get out of my apartment, but I went to see the 1st doc that returned my call and somehow I got through until a medication finally started to work for me.

That is definitely not the way you should go about things.  You need to try to find some kind of support - even if it is only through us.  Also, check the phone book or the internet for a suicide hotline.  A couple in the U.S. are 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) and 1-800-273-TALK (8255).   Isolating yourself like I did is one of the worst things you can do.  Now I try to call someone in my family to drag me out of my apartment, keep the curtains open, and try to just read or watch TV.  Anything that may distract me for a while from the thoughts in my head.  I also have a dog now, so I have to get out at least every 4 hours, so he can pee.  And occasionally once I get outside it isn't that much of a challenge to then walk all the way around the block or something.

[AllAreDone]

Anytime I ever start feeling overwhelmed with feelings that I know can only lead down a bad path I immediately (cause honestly there's not much of a window of time before it becomes too late, in a sense) put on some opera or other soft, relaxing music or instrumentals, completely focus on it, and do some deep breathing exercises and meditate. It doesn't COMPLETELY help get rid of all of the negative feelings but it brings me back enough that I can just think logically about the matter and eventually recover.
Maybe it can work for you too, I can only hope.

[Vanishedwish]

Thank you very much=

[Csandnugget]

I have always taken on too many things - working 2 jobs, making candy afterhours in my mom's kitchen and selling it at school
I'm always busy - either painting (I'm terrible - but I enjoy it) crafts, doing something new for work after hours, playing with the dogs, etc

Planning my own businesses and researching into that.
Googling whatever I happen to wonder about.

Googling things that interest me. (at the time)

Working full time & studying after hours..

Moving furniture, baking, clearing out this and that. And this is not when I have mania.
It's simply on my 'to do' list.
Making doggie coats... random stuff.
Sewing buttons back on.

Take your frustration out on things that are not working for you in your everyday life:
Work on little things like - your skirt hem is out - it's annoying every time you see it, or think about it there in the closet with no purpose - fix it.
Little things can really get to me and contribute to a bad mood.
Too many little things going wrong all the time can lead to a very bad mood, and so on.

If there is something that you don't like to look at, move it away, restore it, give it away.. whatever.
It's good to look inside yourself and understand yourself (and use the trackers)
- but too much of that introspection is also not good.

Everyday I write a to-do list in my diary - and I focus on accomplishing those tasks.
I feel bad if I don't do everything on the list (it's not a hectic list) - so I always do it and it keeps my mind busy.
If you try your best everyday, then you might still have the depression - but you will not have the GUILT (of not accomplishing anything)
on top of that depression.

I told my psych that I can't believe I've taken on yet another big project,
I'm on a train!
I always promise myself no more projects, but there are always new projects. And they do get completed, some way or another. Eventually.
It's a process to me.

I asked the psych "why do I keep doing that? Is it a bad thing?".
She said
"No, it's not a bad thing. It's a coping mechanism - maybe you don't want to deal with your feelings, you don't want to feel your emotions" -
That is so TRUE.

So what I'm saying is, keeping busy helps me cope a lot.
By keeping busy, I have something to show for the time that has passed- even if I was depressed while doing it..
I feel good about the outcome of what I have done - and it automatically makes me feel more positive and that feeling of - phew! It's done, don't have to worry about that anymore!
Feels good.

And it's wonderful to see how nice our home is looking, slowly but surely, here and there a little change for the better, and the place is cosier and more inviting. It's rewarding to physically see something good from your efforts.
So keeping busy has it's benefits.

[run4you]

As awful as this sounds, the only way I 'deal' with this is just to hang on. I know it will pass, and hopefully soon. Until then, I just make it through the day.

I am seeing my pdoc today, she's hopefully going to switch me to new meds...

[Vanishedwish]

Thank you very much. Still guys I want your ways to deal with such thing. I hate to live with the consequence of such moment.

[Csandnugget]

Run4you:hear hear.


Vanished wish... as in the movie 'My sassy girl'

(you can't think of ending it all)
"you have to see how the story ends"

xx

[run4you]

I *completely* understand this. I have those same, stupid, recurring thoughts in my head right now.

Can't afford my freaking meds, I feel myself wobbling, and know it's going to be awful before I can get the money together to get what I need (I've researched every single option to get assistance, and *nothing*). Meanwhile, I feel sorry for my husband (and my kids), who has to deal with the financial and emotional impact of my disorder.

It's not like I'm throwing in the towel, but I'm at that point where I can't figure out why it's always gotta be so freaking hard.

[Csandnugget]

Ye, and how awful it is when you're having a perfectly wonderful day, and then a simple thing like (a friend calls me and it suddenly dawns on me that she is just USING me)
Then my whole mood is in tatters - not tatters.. it physically hurts.
It shouldn't be such a big deal. But then I anguish about how I should handle the situation..Uurgh.. I just wish I didn't care so much

[homeofthebluejackets]

These symtoms pretty much describe my wife,s condition.

[wineandroses]

Oh yes, been there many times when the depression sets in.  Wondering what is the purpose of going on as it will never change, feeling like a burden to loved ones, tired mentally of the constant fight to conquer this crazy disease...yes, very familiar with those thoughts.  It helps me if I stop and realize this is just another episode of depression and I will come thru this dark valley onto the top of the mountain in the horizon.  Just knowing it's the depression talking and not you.

Over, if the thoughts take you over and you feel yourself getting worse, go to ER for help.  The longer and deeper you go in a deep depression the longer it takes to get out of it.  You will see the light again.