Hi, I'm new to this forum....

Hi, I'm new to this forum, but I've been a member of Medhelp since....uh December of '08 I think....not sure exactly.  Anyway I'll try to make this short since I feel like ****.  My Bi-Polar Type II seemed to crop up.....very much overnight in '94.  I started using Vicodin to help and it seemed to but of course I got addicted and wasn't able to stop until last December.

I'm taking Lamictal and Wellbutrin and the first couple months I had quite a bit of euphoria but the last month or so I've been down.....real down.  I've been battling a stupid allergy for about 2 1/2 months or so and that's depressing me too.  The Vicodin cravings are hitting me hard the last month too.  Part of me feels like....well if I'm gonna feel crappy, it would be nice to feel crappy with the Vicodin....at least I get an artificial high.

Anyway, I'm tired and I don't know what to do.  I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself but geez, I've got find some comfort from somewhere.

[LeftCoastChick]

It's pretty common to self-medicate with Bipolar, but trust me you don't want to go down that road again.  Having an addiction will slow you treatment, and the ability to remain stable. If it is an issue for you, I would recommend NAA, it doesn't matter what kind of drug, but they're a great place for support. Now that you've got the vics out of your system and by what you've said you took them for a long time right?
You're going to have to expect some mood swings until the meds are levelled out. Does your psychiatirst know about the Vic use? Make sure you see your pdoc soon, you may need a med adjustment or even an additional med, I call the depression after a hypo period the "crash". The more stable you are the less it will happen. I had to get my meds tweaked. I started on Seroquel for the hypomanic swings and Lamictal for the depression, I was still dropping in moods after I had a month or so of hypo, they upped my seroquel, but the Lamictal wasn't enough for the dep. now, so I just had 100mgs of Wellbutrin added.  It's like being on a teeter totter, but I know about self-medicating, I used codeine several times a day to help with my anxiety. I've kicked it and only use as prescribed now and only then, I have chronic spinal issues, that will never go away.
Speak to your pdoc, and get hooked up with NAA it will do you a world of good. Most folks have issues that caused them to self-medicate, so you're not alone. Thanks for writing and I hope this has helped.

[Sithtiger]

Thanks, yeah my pdoc knows about the Vicodin use.  I feel even worse today than I did yesterday.  The problem is, if I don't get out of this funk, in just a few days, it gets bad...REAL bad!  I start having this, what I can only call some type of hybrid anxiety.  It can last as long as 6 months.  It hasn't done that in a while but I know how long it can last and when this comes on...I can't do anything....eat, sleep, watch TV, come online....nothing....it's the most horrible thing I've ever experienced.  It's much worse than the Vicodin withdrawals I had.

You're right, I took Vicodin for 14 years consecutively until a few months ago.  It was hard of course (as you know from experience) but the mania made it.....OK and I felt pretty good at times.  

I've recently had my meds adjusted....gone from 100mg of Wellbutrin to 200mg and from 100mg of Lamictal to 150mg.  I know the Lamictal takes time to build up but this is really getting to me.  I had my first BPD attack in '94 and it was bad, real bad.  While I'm sure I still have some latent Vicodin w/d's, that is not driving this, the BPD is.  I don't know how to shake it.

I took the Vicodin to feel better and now it's gone and I feel I have nothing.  I know the Vics didn't help but I need to feel something positive and soon before this takes me under much farther than it has already.