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How can I help my uncle?
Hi everyone. I'm posting on this forum because I need to help my relative somehow, and talking to my parents about the issue does no justice.
My relative has a list of medical conditions. Most of which prevent him from working outside of home. He does not work, and hasn't in almost 20 years. It's getting to the point now where he's becoming a burden on his mother and father, both of which are in their 80s. He has a past of illicit drug use, which has led him into a downward spiral and ultimately leading to him dropping out of university to live with his parents.
He goes to the psychiatrist every time he has a problem, and the doctor gives him a new drug. The doctor, who supposedly is a professional does nothing but support his drug habit by either increasing the drug he is on or giving him a new one.
He has Bi-Polar and right now is Hypo-Manic, and has been for the past two weeks. He openly talks to me about everything he is experiencing, as I am the only person he feels he can really tell. I've had some problems in my past to do with Anxiety/Depression and have talked to him when he was not Hypo-Manic.
My parents do nothing but say "when his parents pass away, he'll have to live by himself". But I don't think this is good enough. There has to be a way out for him, a way to get past the drug dependance and live life the way he was supposed to. He's living on maybe $50 a month, through well-fare.
I want to know how I can help him. Is there any rehabilitation clinics in the United States or Canada that he can go to? He's not addicted to drugs, he's just dependent on them for the affect they have on him.
Does anyone have any guidance for me?
My relative has a list of medical conditions. Most of which prevent him from working outside of home. He does not work, and hasn't in almost 20 years. It's getting to the point now where he's becoming a burden on his mother and father, both of which are in their 80s. He has a past of illicit drug use, which has led him into a downward spiral and ultimately leading to him dropping out of university to live with his parents.
He goes to the psychiatrist every time he has a problem, and the doctor gives him a new drug. The doctor, who supposedly is a professional does nothing but support his drug habit by either increasing the drug he is on or giving him a new one.
He has Bi-Polar and right now is Hypo-Manic, and has been for the past two weeks. He openly talks to me about everything he is experiencing, as I am the only person he feels he can really tell. I've had some problems in my past to do with Anxiety/Depression and have talked to him when he was not Hypo-Manic.
My parents do nothing but say "when his parents pass away, he'll have to live by himself". But I don't think this is good enough. There has to be a way out for him, a way to get past the drug dependance and live life the way he was supposed to. He's living on maybe $50 a month, through well-fare.
I want to know how I can help him. Is there any rehabilitation clinics in the United States or Canada that he can go to? He's not addicted to drugs, he's just dependent on them for the affect they have on him.
Does anyone have any guidance for me?
Best Answer
The comment I will make is be very careful when referring to bipolar medications as 'drug' and supporting a 'drug habit'. Bipolar people when hypomanic will often try to find a reason to go off their medications. Referring to medication in this way may encourage him to go off his medication. Going off his medications may cause him to have very severe psychological consequences. Since you are in a position of influence he may look to you in this regard.
And bipolar medication isn't habit forming. It will make you sick if you take it when it is not needed. It won't give you a 'high'. Some anxiety meds can be abused but most doctors watch that very carefully. Chances are they are trying lots of drugs because your Uncle is still suffering side effects of bipolar. The side effect of no medication is often death by suicide. People who are not taking their medications are at a much much higher rate of death by suicide. Mortality rates for people with bipolar are such that it is near impossible to get life insurance. It is a very real risk.
And bipolar medication isn't habit forming. It will make you sick if you take it when it is not needed. It won't give you a 'high'. Some anxiety meds can be abused but most doctors watch that very carefully. Chances are they are trying lots of drugs because your Uncle is still suffering side effects of bipolar. The side effect of no medication is often death by suicide. People who are not taking their medications are at a much much higher rate of death by suicide. Mortality rates for people with bipolar are such that it is near impossible to get life insurance. It is a very real risk.
Thanks everyone for the answers. I've asked him today if he would like me to come to a session with him and his doctor, but he said it is not necessary since he and the doctor have discussed about him moving out and getting a job. I hope he is right and he does not go through a breakdown with the big change, as it is coming on within the next five years for sure.
Again, thank you so much for your guidance the three of you. I feel a bit more relief knowing him and his doctor talk about the certain possibilities of his living situation.
Again, thank you so much for your guidance the three of you. I feel a bit more relief knowing him and his doctor talk about the certain possibilities of his living situation.
Excellent advice from krustybrocolli and bubulous.
I agree that Men can be particularly difficult in this situation, so given the fact that you and your Uncle have a close relationship I would definitely ask if you could attend the appt with him..he would probably jump at the chance, it sounds like he needs a lot of support and has got used to his parents help. I think that is the only way he will move on, his parent's can't do much anymore so he needs someone else to take on that role, but be very careful that he doesn't start relying on you. He needs the tough love kind of support, but that won't work until he is stable and a plan of action is made.
The psychiatrist needs to be aware of your Uncle's social situation, they are not just there to dish out pills and could help in building your Uncle up to becoming independant.
The Psychiatrist needs to know about the dependency that your Uncle has regarding his parents and the dependency he has on "drugs". It's not clear what you mean when you say he is dependent. Medications for Bipolar aren't really habit forming and are a necessity to good health. There are some medications used in psychiatry however, that can be abused, such as benzodiazepines, used for anxiety, sleep medication and some psychiatrists prescribe stimulants too, these meds are usually used on a short term basis and the doctor would monitor the situation for signs of abuse, a lot of doctors do prescribe these meds long term but this is in a strict and controlled manner.
The doctor can also be a great source of support regarding financial and social issues too, providing proof that the patient needs to claim disability, or can help point you in the right direction to get extra help for your uncle.
Best wishes, I hope things work out for the whole family.
I agree that Men can be particularly difficult in this situation, so given the fact that you and your Uncle have a close relationship I would definitely ask if you could attend the appt with him..he would probably jump at the chance, it sounds like he needs a lot of support and has got used to his parents help. I think that is the only way he will move on, his parent's can't do much anymore so he needs someone else to take on that role, but be very careful that he doesn't start relying on you. He needs the tough love kind of support, but that won't work until he is stable and a plan of action is made.
The psychiatrist needs to be aware of your Uncle's social situation, they are not just there to dish out pills and could help in building your Uncle up to becoming independant.
The Psychiatrist needs to know about the dependency that your Uncle has regarding his parents and the dependency he has on "drugs". It's not clear what you mean when you say he is dependent. Medications for Bipolar aren't really habit forming and are a necessity to good health. There are some medications used in psychiatry however, that can be abused, such as benzodiazepines, used for anxiety, sleep medication and some psychiatrists prescribe stimulants too, these meds are usually used on a short term basis and the doctor would monitor the situation for signs of abuse, a lot of doctors do prescribe these meds long term but this is in a strict and controlled manner.
The doctor can also be a great source of support regarding financial and social issues too, providing proof that the patient needs to claim disability, or can help point you in the right direction to get extra help for your uncle.
Best wishes, I hope things work out for the whole family.
I don't know what medicine he is on but if it is bipolar meds he likely needs to be on them. You might check into Social Security Disability as it pertains to bipolar, it may help get him some money. If he trusts you and it sounds like he does, it is possible that he can make you power of attorney and you can see about his affairs and get him into an apartment of his own. If he gets too manic take him to the emergency room and they will know what to do from there.....Good Luck and welcome to the forum.
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We with mood disorders cannot use our illnesses as a cop out in life. We are responsible for our own actions, and have to answer for them. The hard part can be getting the whole family on board to create an expectation- an intervention. They may have tried in the past but had no results and gave up. Ultimately he will end up on his own- and yes he'll have to deal with all of this then.
Regarding medication-> if he's mentally ill then he NEEDS medication. The problem with a lot of male patients is their lack of ability to vocalize their real issues. My husband went into the Dr on his own for years, and never got anywhere. Most people with unstable mental illness cannot effective communicate their feelings, and usually draw a blank in the Dr office. Drs tend to treat what they are told. If the Dr had more information then they'd probably have a more effective medication regimine in place for your relative. I went into the Dr with my husband for years, and he finally learned how to talk to the Dr on his own. It took a lot of training, and patience. It also takes being in a position where help is accepted. Since this relative and his parents are all adults, if they won't allow you into their appts there isn't much you can do other than watch out for the danger signs, and getting them emergency medical help when needed.
I have one firm point to make, though. If you assume that psychotropic medication is "drugs" them you need to adjust your view on them. If someone is diabetic they need insulin. Insulin is a drug. Does that make the diabetic dependent on drugs? Yes. Medication is medication. If it's prescribed then that is between the Dr and the patient. All medication is taken for the effect it has on us. When someone takes an antidepressant and it makes them stoned, but they're not depressed- it's not pleasant, but it's up to the Dr to change that. It's all about accurate knowledge. If you can help to educate either your relative or his Dr then some changes might finally come about.
He definitely needs to apply for disability.