I was diagnosed with bipolar probably three months ago and it has been A MESS. It was nice to find the cause for my manic states, but mostly my depression.
My doctor told me that an anxiety attack lasts no longer than a couple minutes ish so what I have are panic attacks. They last for hours. I hate myself and literally want to die. Normally, I am not suicidal and have never been in my life but when I'm having these attacks I think of multiple scenarios of how I could actually kill myself for good. I cry and I scream for hours, even when it seems like I couldn't anymore.
My boyfriend tries to console me but then I just cry to him.
I am on Lorazepam that I take when it gets bad (usually two 0.5mg), Busiprone, Sertraline, and Lithium.
I just started the lithium because other mood stabilizers make me incredibly suicidal and even more unstable. Basically I just want this to stop. I don't want to cry uncontrollably when I'm alone or with people. It affects not only me but also my personal life. It drains all my energy. When these happen at work, it's impossible. I physically cannot work and it is so embarrassing. My problem is that I dwell on the issues and even if the issue is not there I still feel like it's ruining my life. For example, a mistake made at work or a joke taken the wrong way. They bother me to the point that I feel worthless.
I would sooo appreciate any help or guidance. I can't do this anymore..
Thanks in advance.