How do I tell my parents?

[Soggymoggy]

OK, so if you saw my post the other day you know that BPII was on the table for my reassessment, now that the timing doesn't seem to fit for Seasonal Affective Disorder.

I've since spoken to a psychologist and BPII does seem likely; they're discussing treatments now, and I'm to go back in a week.  What's scaring me now is how I'm going to tell my parents.  My partner for his part doesn't seem very concerned; I think from his point of view I've been like this since before we met and he's always been there to help me, so slapping a new label on it doesn't make a lot of difference at this point.

But I've already disappointed my parents in so many ways through my "SAD" (although it now looks like I may never have had that - great!), and I know they're going to be scared - and disappointed again.  I wouldn't tell them at all, except that during my recent hypomanic phase (it's so weird calling it that - I just thought I wasn't depressed for a change!) I spent a lot of money I didn't have, didn't spend it where I should have, shot my credit rating to bits and now have literally no way out except to ask them to loan me some money.

The thing is, despite the fact that it now looks as though I do have BPII, I was never at any point delusional, insane or detached from reality - so how can the fact that I was, essentially, just in a good mood for a few weeks possibly excuse me for the stupid decisions I made? I can't make that line up in my own head (although trying to look back at myself and understand now is impossible - I simply don't understand the logic behind my actions), and even if I managed to convince my parents that I wasn't responsible for my actions it would be dishonest when I so clearly was.  It's not like a stupid person took over my head for a few weeks!

Has anyone got any advice on how I can talk to my parents about this?  I don't want to scare them, and I don't want to dishonestly exaggerate the effects of BPII, but I don't want them to think it's no big deal either - it seems to be taking over my life at the moment.

Any advice hugely appreciated!

[BP2PROFESSIONAL]

Yay! Here's to a happy story :0)

[adel_ezz]

they will not worry. it depends on the way you will tell them about it. do you expect them to go to the Harvard medical guide to read about it. of course not. they will take it from your mouth. In the old days the word manic-depressive was frightening now it's called bipolarity, but even a more decent word mood swings. so when they see you in your downs they will know why, this is better than let them try to concentrate hard and feeling guilty in not knowing how they should help yet they can't because they have no clue of what perhaps you have. it all depends on the way you shall inform them. you do it like the french say "en passant"

[bessy88]

I admire you for having the strength to tell your parents, I know I will never be able to do this because I supposed to be the strong one in the family and i don't want them to worry about me or treat me differently so I will be keeping it a secret.

[Soggymoggy]

I went round and told them everything last night.  They were absolutely brilliant; they'd guessed something was going on, so it wasn't a bolt from the blue like I thought it would be.  And it turns out that Mum had seen a documentary about BP by Stephen Fry, and knew that spending was a symptom because apparently he got convicted of stealing credit cards while he was at university.

They've lent me the money I need to get myself out of immediate trouble - actually they lent me quite a lot more than I asked for, and said they don't care if I pay it back in a year or in ten years.

I've also agreed the basics of a financial survival strategy with them for the next time I become hypomanic.  As soon as I'm out of my overdraft (sigh) I'm going to ask my bank to take away the facility so that can't happen again, and instead of that my "emergency" fund will be a credit card with a few hundred pounds limit, which my boyfriend will keep for me.  That way, as well, having a credit card with no debt on it will hopefully help start to repair my credit rating too.  As soon as I stop sleeping again my boyfriend is going to take all my bank-cards off me and give me a weekly "allowance" until I start behaving normally again.  Anyway, that's all a bit beside the point for now.

I can't tell you how much better I feel - I haven't slept like I did last night for weeks.  Right; now my parents have proven themselves to be the best parents ever, so now I need to go away, work my arse off and try to deserve them!

[paxista]

You might copy what you wrote above and send it. Your description appears to be very honest - it explains that you have an issue that you can't solve on your own but you are trying,  that you accept responsibility, and that you are concerned about them as well. Writing it this way can dramatically decrease the tension. They will tell you how they want to communicate.

If this shoe fits, feel free to wear it. Best of luck with whichever shoe you decide on.

[Jessimot]

I wish you luck and strength. BP is not a death sentence, and the more your family is educated on the disease the easier it will be for them to relate to you. Best wishes!

[Jessimot]

telling your parents is a tough one. For years I struggled with deppression, and my mother was very supportive, but my Dad had a hard time with it. He grew up in a Bipolar house hold during the 60's. His Dad would go off and on meds, then he would go for shock treatments. Lost his job with the gov't, by spending govt funds on personal items. My dad grew up with this,and as a result we did not see my dads parents for 10 years.

My dad was terrified I was heading down the same road, and he struggled with it. I was diagnosed when i was 29, but not properly medicated till i was 31. I was afraid to talk to my dad about being Bipolar and the stigma behind it, but out of the blue he showed up one day at my house with a book. The book is called True hope, it's about a young woman who's mother was bipolar, and then she herself succumbed to the disease. My Dad read this book then suggested  I read it because it had some ideas on vitamins as treatment. The man did some research. He already had some personal experience with the disease, but decided to educate himself more because now it was one of his kids. That was the best thing he could have ever done because it opened up the door of conversation. I was able to ask about my Grandpa and I could talk openly about my treatment and so on.

So my advice is this. Find some literature of personal experiences on bipolar. It's more relate-able than just reading a definition of BP and it's symptoms. The book True Hope for me was like reading  a diary even though I don't agree on the vitamins for treatment, the personal experiences and emotions of the author were so like my own, and I'm sure many others out there.