Husband and mental illness

[mel131313]

My husband of 12 years has recently become more distant and more verbally abusive to me. He has a history of abuse. He was abused as a child. He has never really been the best husband but he is getting worse daily with his abuse. He once had a doctor tell him he has symtoms of bipolar disorder. He always fights with me over little thing. One day he loves me one day he hates me. He has left me once for a few days then came back begging saying he was sorry and knows he screwed up. he was texting another women nothing sexual that I know of just talking,but it really really hurt me. He has been acting really odd. He has always really been this way but worse latetly. He is always saying i make him miserable but wont leave for good. He has back problems like me and is on hydrocodone for pain. he is also smoking marrijuana 3 to 4 times a day. He does work but for himself. He has never been able to hold a job with anyone else. He always has a problem with somebody. He is like jekel and hyde. My question is could he be bipolar or just a plain jerk? Also what effects does mixing hydrocodone and marrijuana? Could this be causing some of his anger issues? And if he is bipolar how do I convince him to talk to his Doctor. He is never wrong and says its me. He always says its my hormones and my medication because I am on pain meds from a broken back and neck. can someone please help? preferably a Doctor. Please I need guideance. I am to the point of walking out and leaving my children because he wont leave the home and I have no where to take my children. He is never really to mean to them, but he has occasionally said abusive things to them.

[run4you]

If your children are being abused in any way, it is your job as their parent to protect them... it sounds to me (as the others) that you should get out, and *definitely* take your kids with you.

[wineandroses]

Absolutely, take your kids with you.  Those children always come number one and they should not witness such abuse or have to take abuse....it can really mess you up as an adult.

[Xila31]

Your post is very concerning to me. Why would you leave your children with an abuser? You know that battered women's shelters will take both you and your children, right? Besides that, you know your kids are seeing you get abused every day. How do you think that's going to effect them? They will grow up and think it is okay to abuse or be abused.

I agree you need to leave AND take your kids. He does have some serious issues from drug use, abusive behavior, and it could be psychiatric and psychological. Bipolar is one thing it could also be boarderline personality disorder (BPD.) It mimics bipolar and also can go along with bipolar, (people can have both.) It has that love you/hate you attitude. But, he needs to want to help himself and you need to make sure you and your children are safe from abuse. If he is too frightening to face and tell he needs help, and he won't get it, then you need to find a safe place to take your kids.

[wineandroses]

Okay, I'm going to put a different twist on this, why don't you leave?  The man abuses you and tells you that you make him miserable and he wants to leave, why do you put up with this behavior.  You seem to be looking for ways to excuse his  behavior.  

You remind me of myself.  I went thru a similar situation and still find myself letting people use me as a doormat from time to time, but not often.  I went thru alot of thereapy to learn that my childhood physical abuse had alot to do with my willingness to be abused.  I'm glad I went to therapy to help myself.  I can tell you that there is no way I would put up with a man who belittled me and tryed to destroy my self-esteem.

I suppose what I am trying to say is, get help for yourself and stop looking for ways to fix your husband.  You don't deserve to go thru such abuse, no one does.

[ILADVOCATE]

Some aspects of what you described such as extreme irrational anger could be from a psychiatric disability but only a psychiatrist could provide a diagnosis. The substance abuse issue is making things worse and should be addressed and would worsen any psychiatric disability. You should encourage him to seek help, the best way being from a distance such as a phone call and other family members and friends of his should be able to support you on this. However the way he is treating you is unacceptable and should stop. Any steps you take you should insure your children are safe and will be treated properly.