I need help understanding this...

[sweetizz]

My bestfriend has Bipolar Disorder. I am not sure which type she has, she is very good at hiding her symptoms, so I think it is milder compared to other types. Well as of last Thursday she has fallen into a very deep, deep depression.. Talking of suicide, ect. ect. I asked her what she is thinking, and was there to support her, as is her boyfriend of almost 2 years. We have dealt with the episodes before and she has been alright after.

This time though,  both he and I both noticed something that neither one of us voiced to the other until I just blurted it out. And he agreed. Anytime there is something she does NOT WANT to do, or its NOT fun for HER, her episodes start and it becomes the "end of the world." ...Right now with the way the economy and gas prices are, her Boyfriend needs her to get a job, he can't do it alone anymore. It's been like pulling teeth with her to get a job. She got one, for 2 weeks at a house just down the street as a sitter. But that didnt end well since the head sitter and her had a falling out. So jobless again, both her boyfriend and I were encouraging, and reminded her there were other jobs out there, and at this point a job is a job and not about what she wants to do, they need the money right now. She doesn't see it that way, she told me word for word "He's really pushing for the grocery stores where he knows its hard for me!"  He's not doing it to make her mad, or to make it hard for her, its just they need another source of income at that very moment.

I guess what I am trying to say is, we are good at identifying her moods/stages, but this time we aren't sure if it is because she just doesn't want to work, is it possible she is using her Mood Disorder as a front so she "can't" work. We're at that point where we are thinking that is what it is, because this has happened once before about 6 months ago, I don't remember exactly what it was, but it was something she didn't want to do, and all of a sudden her moods plumeted and it became the "end of the world." Is this just a coincidence or is it possible she may be doing this on purpose? I feel so horrible for thinking that, but we, we just don't know anymore..

I am sorry if this makes no sense, or if it sounds harsh, but please any advice would help and is very appreciated!

Thank you,

-Izz

[BipolarBear75]

Hi, I agree with shortcircuited in that having people not understand her and think of her as lazy, that will make it worse. It is like kicking someone when they are down. She needs understanding....like I said, when it feels unsurmountable already and then there are added stresses to that....it becomes even worse for her and it might make this episode of depression last even longer by people pushing her like this.

[shortcircuited]

STRESS often triggers episodes.  Some people with bipolar cannot handle anything they feel is pressure, whether you mean to pressure or not.  If she has bp, then she is not just "faking" her episodes--people with bp cannot control their mood swings.  If they could control them, then they would not have bp!  That's kind of the whole point, bipolar by definition, having uncontrollable, extreme moods.

Good for you that you have been able to take care of yourself for so long.  Just imagine what it would be like if you MUST be dependent on someone else.  How much would you hate that?  

Some people have better best efforts than others.  I was valedictorian of my high school, does that mean the rest of the kids were slackers?  Of course not.  You struggle and are successful, and your friend struggles and is not.  Who is working harder?  With bp, sometimes just not killing yourself is considered a successful day.  Would you honestly trade a hard day's work for a day in bp hell?  Neither would someone with bipolar!

If someone with bp were going to try to force a mood it would not be depression!

I feel sorry for your friend.  Just because she seems okay sometimes, you expect her to be fine in all these situations which clearly are overwhelming to her.  Then on top of expecting her to do more than she can, you accuse her of being lazy.  Wouldn't you feel down if you knew your best effort wasn't good enough and on top of that, people thought you were lazy?

She has a chronic illness that effects everything in her life.  The medication does not always work.  Over time it can get worse, especially without the right treatment.  This may be as good as it gets for her.  If you are going to resent her for acting like she has the illness that she in fact does have, then you might want to rethink your definition of "friend."

[BipolarBear75]

Hi there, I think that it will be hard for anyone to prove if she is coincidentally having a mood episode. Think of it this way though, perhaps the thought of working is truly stressing her out because she is convinced that she can't do it and she is already depressed as it is and it is hard to overcome any thought when you are depressed. So this new job stress is triggering an episode.

However, I have Bipolar disorder as well as a few other things and I have a full time job. I have to admit, that I have stopped working for months at a time, and gone on temporary disability during that time but as soon as I felt I could, I would go back to work. Every day is tough and some days  I don't make it out of bed for days on end, and get in trouble at work. I get to it though because I am a single mom and I need to bring home money to live and eat.

If they need money, she needs to apply for disability. Whether the income she brings comes from work or disability for a bit....that doesn't matter....then when she feels better she can try and work. Some disabilities allow you to try and work and just take money you earn off their cheques. Either way the money issue is solved (so that isn't an added stress).

[sweetizz]

swallowing*  I have issues spelling when im upset.

[sweetizz]

As of this very moment she is in the hospital getting treatment. She is on medications for BP and has been for a long time. I questioned if she stopped taking her Meds but her Boyfriend said he's seen her take them. Though...doesn't mean shes actually swolling them.  Idk I love her dearly and she is like my other half, but right now, its very hard for myself, I just heard from her on the phone, and I've been crying non-stop because I am scared for her, and I just I want her around, I know selfish of me, but yeah...eh...ty for your advice though.

[RubyShooz]

If she really is sick, she needs to see a doctor right away to get proper treatment including medication and/or therapy if needed.  If she does not want to help herself, then there is not much you can do except keep encouraging her to get treatment.

I don't know if her "episodes" are just a coincidence so she can remain unemployed -- it is not unheard of for a person to use any excuse to be able to live off someone else.  You and her boyfriend are not responsible for supporting her financially.  It's a tough call.  If she is really sick then she might be eligible for disability benefits.  If she refuses to see a doctor and then apply for benefits, then I would be suspicious of her motives.

I do not mean to be unnecessarily harsh -- but I have little sympathy for people who are lazy or who do not want to help themselves.  As sick as I have been with bp, I have always tried to take care of myself, always held a full time job for 40 years even though it was VERY difficult, and was never dependent upon anyone else for my financial support.

I realize others may not be able to control their symptoms as well as I did -- but at least she can TRY to get even a part time job, ANY job, even at a supermarket -- as a gesture of good faith to prove she is doing all she can to help with this situation and she is not merely taking advantage of her boyfriend.

Best of luck to you,
Ruby