Bipolar depression - love amnesia?

[loveamnesia]

Up til this November...my husband was wonderful, and I was a very happy women. Sure, he was zany, loud...over the top sometimes, but I thought he was just ADHD. At some point though, during a trip, he had an affair(I didn't know it yet)...and about that time he crashed so low...he didnt even laugh or smile for weeks. I knew he was mentally ill, and called his doctor.

Anyways, to fast forward, he suddenly wanted to move back "home" out of state. He spent hours talking with his ex g-f...and my wonderful marriage was gone overnight. He said he no longer had feelings for me, and our marriage was a mistake, and he was sorry...no emotion, just "I'm sorry". luckily, he is getting help for it, but still has no feelings. It has been 2 months now since I moved out, but I still love him very much. being there, with the flirtations and the sudden indifference was just too much for me. Finally, his Pdoc diagnosed a mood disorder (my therapist said prob bipolar 1)

They have now upped his dose of Depakote to max...he said his last Naprolic acid count was 35...when they checked it the first time it was 18. I guess it should be at 50 (I dont know what all this means, I have yet to talk to his doctor). It is so hard to let go, and keep the door open all at once. I still love him, I would love to be there for him IF he wanted me, but he dosent. If the affairs and acting out was his illness, I can understand and forgive. I dont know what to think. I try to tell him I love him, and he replies "ok"...this same guy was so in love with me, and I with him just weeks before.

I am so confused. Please give me any ideas. When his meds are straight, is there any possibility I will get my wonderful husband back?

Thanks for your help in advance!

[mejeba]

Yeah, I think that's sound advice.  Give yourself some space, time and do things that are helpful to YOU.

[ApRiLGeTsAngry77]

My advice to you is to focus on you right now. Let him get a good couple of months of stability under his belt before approaching the subject of your relationnship. In the meantime, focus on you and what makes you happy. I am sorry for your circumstances as I know it can be crushing.  Pamper yourself and work on restoring your healthy emotional feelings. Best of luck to you!

[loveamnesia]

Thanks,
You nailed the question underneath for me too. Is it a case of untrustworthy man, or man who is ill and would not otherwise had made that decision. That holds my decision on the next step of what to do. I just wish I knew.

[ILADVOCATE]

I am not sure if the issue you are speaking about comes from the bipolar he has or is an issue on his end that may not be resolved or if relationship counseling could address it. It depends if it was a rash judgment on his part that he would take back if his treatment were adjusted or if it was just how he stated it. Hard to say. I would say if the Depakoate is not helping him there are many other available mood stabilizers so you could speak to his psychiatrist about that.