So what about phobias?

[Twelvesgirl]

This is kind of long, but a very strange thing that happened in my recent episode.

When I started going to the therapist for family therapy (which soon turned out to be my therapy after the therapist asked me and my husband all the stupid questions and found out I was extremely depressed), one of the questions asked was do you have any phobias, my husband said no, and I said yes. She said what? I said my basement. But we've only met w/ eachother 2 or 3 times now and haven't gotten into it. So...so what about phobias? Doesn't everyone have them? Well, let me tell you about mine because its eating at me to tell someone! About the time (I'm thinking maybe now) that my mania was coming maybe November or so, I started not going into my basement. For months everytime I went in there to do laundry I would start to get extremely angry, and thinking about my husbands ex-wife, like thinking about how I wanted to hurt her, and fight her etc. I'd start acting it out in my head. Then eventually I started saying the words out loud. I scared myself as this is not my usual behavior and I everytime I would go upstairs and the episode would be gone. I eventually stopped going in the basement. I still in April only go down there on a NEED to basis. My husband does the washing and drying of laundry and brings it up and I fold it upstairs. We also have extra food and a freezer down there and if I absolutely have to go down to get food I will, but if my husband is home I will ask him to.   A little back story-- I usually am not all that bothered by her as she is completely out of our lives, she hasn't been seen in almost 4 years, she bailed. She did live in this house though and I started thinking maybe she had done weird witchcraft things down there (she said she was into that) and it was attacking me while I was down there. I was going to do a sage blessing is what a friend told me to do, but then I got to frightened to even do that, I was pretty sure that I would crack if I spent too much time down there. Then I started feeling like w/ all of this stuff I was going through that that crazy b put a curse on me and was making me go through what she had to go through. (She is also bipolar.) I on and off had myself convinced that she had put a curse on me. I don't feel that way now. But what the heck WAS ALL OF THAT? I still have a hard time going into the basement but I've noticed its not quite as bad lately. I've gone down there and I actually changed over a load of laundry the other day. I am also on medication now and taking it religiously.  

So, sorry so long, but what was all of that? Looking on it now, I felt as if I were justified in my fear of my basement. Now as I think of it, I'm wondering what the heck? I've never had something like that happen before. Any opinions?

[Twelvesgirl]

Thanks, right like I said, I hadn't ever had that happen before. I am on meds now and I am coming slowly out of my manic depressive episode (out of depressive part). Well actually the meds have really sent me into a tail spin, I'm rapid cycling and mixed, and all over the place. BUT, I am not as afraid to go in my basement. That seems so strange to me, I was convinced before, and from your comments and ILADVOCATE's comments it may be paranoia from the episode. I've just never had that. I did have a bout of paranoia maybe when I was younger that sticks out about being kidnapped, I had never been kidnapped or almost been or knew anyone, or remember anything like that. But I had seperation nightmares, and during the day I would play in my yard and was positive that I would soon be kidnapped and became afraid of ALL "shady looking" men, and was always on alert. I was afraid of ALL vans, and I guess could say it was paranoia when comparing it to this recent basement ordeal. I actually was out one day and my dads friend was coming over, the man had a kidnapper van and I saw it and it saw me, in my mind still it slammed on its brakes when it saw me, i didn't know it was my dads friend. i started running towards my front door and it started driving towards the front of my house, i ran in screaming like i was on fire, my dad came running up the stairs i said -the kidnapper, hes here, i told you- i was still screaming, he was at the front door, my dad threw it open and it was his friend who was very apologetic. that was the worst. my nightmares were awful though. i do have a psychiatrist but i am just confused as to what all i need to tell her. what exactly have i been doing that is "off" or "weird"? I didn't even know until now that my basement issue was weird, i didn't realize, and its been going on for so many months. How do i know? why is this so hard?

[LeftCoastChick]

You could have been experiencing paranoia not a phobia, especially if it hadn't been there before. It's pretty common for folks not treated to experience paranoia at one point in time or another. Once though that you've backed up the paranoia and change your routine because of that experience, it may turn into a phobia. You need to stay on your meds, it's been noted that swings do increase in strength if you continue to be non-compliant with your meds. Think of this just like Epilepsy, it's a brain disorder, as are paranoid episodes.

Mostly phobias occur from a serious situation,like being bitten by a spider, falling from a height, even a parent with a phobia, basically learned behaviour that grows in time.  When I was in my twenties,  I was always worried about the gas elements on the stove were turned off, and I realized it came from having gas poisioning when I babysat a child when I was 15.  I was home alone when I was 16 a guy tried to break into the house. So I had a fear of someone breaking in, both went away in time, but I logically knew that the chances were slim anything would happen, as long as I was careful normally, would go away. So far, nothing's happened in 15yrs.  See a psychiatrist, hopefully you can get some meds lined up and work on a wellness action plan :)

[Twelvesgirl]

Thanks, I guess I'll see em soon so I'll explain it then. Thanks for everything!

[ILADVOCATE]

Its best to explain everything that happens of concern to your psychiatrist. Everyday life issues and adjustments can be talked over with your talk therapist. If it happenned before you started medication and it stopped since then your psychiatrist would want to know as well. What we have here such as a Mood Tracker can help us but only a psychiatrist can truly understand exactly what's going on. Although an increase in self awareness of when things aren't going well is always worthwhile, a frank discussion a person has with their psychiatrist is essential too.

[Twelvesgirl]

well the thing is when this happened i wasn't on any medications. i've been in real denial of any mental illness for many years besides depression because EVERYONE notices my depression. Until a month or a little more than I was being seen, my last manic depressive episode was in 2006, I sought help during depression, stopped taking meds, stopped seeing therapist, thats what my track record is. Did it first in 2003, I won't do it in 2009. Anyway, I wasn't on any meds! I assume thats why it hit me like a ton of bricks. So I should be sure to tell the psychiatrist not just therapist?

[ILADVOCATE]

Phobias can be of something that could happen. Or something that probably wouldn't happen. But when a phobia is of something that definitely won't happen and it is completely not based on reality that's of concern. I can say I had phobias like that before I recovered from schizoaffective disorder but they weren't phobias. It was paranoia. Honestly only a psychiatrist could tell what exactly is going on. But you need to tell them. And taking your medication is the responsible thing to do of course but that doesn't guarantee break through episodes but they could tell you exactly of what kind and what to do and perhaps adjust treatment.