Potentially (non-medicated) bipolar husband?

[cocacola978]

Hi all,  I have done a lot of reading about bipolar disorder because my husband has very serious mood swings which sound very similar to those that bipolar people experience.  He tends to cycle and his manic or depression always seem to fall within a few days of each other, like clock-work, and they are triggered by stress but they also seem to be in cycles...he will have one-two episodes per month that last one to two days, normally, each and then he goes back to his normal self...on longer periods his depression can last one to two weeks (but those are severe instances).  He does the typical retreat-to-cave thing and runs away when he is in a depression...before we were married it meant that he would turn off his phone and no one could reach him for days (although he would go to work normally), now I try to talk him through his tough times which helps him get better quicker... instead of pouting for days, he just goes off for a good couple hours about how his life would be happier alone with no one in it, and then after he gets that off his chest he apologizes and then is back to loving me (crazily) again.  He loves like no one can imagine.   The thing is, he does NOT display ANY symptoms that manics go through except that he gets all goofy and hyper and tends to tease in very mean ways (taunting and saying hurtful things while laughing, lying excessively as part of his "teasing")... but he does NOT do any drugs (no alcohol, once a month he'll smoke a cigarette),he is not risky with money (he is actually always very careful about finances!! - I am the one in the relationship who is financially irresponsible and he always lectures me about it),  he is not a sexual deviant (on the contrary, he is remarkably controlled even with me, he is generally not a very sexual person) and he does not have any problems sleeping... he sleeps a full 8 hours everyday, regardless of being up or "goofy"...   so I'm trying to understand if he is, in fact, bipolar, or if it is something else, if he doesn't display the very typical manic signs, aside from being obviously very goofy - which is something not characteristic of his behavior, so it is definitely a behavior change, and always follows with depressive episode.  What is manic-depressive?  Could he be that?    Thanks for reading.  :)

[looloo141]

I didn't know about your partner's past, it could well be that his mood is a product of what he's been through, as is the case with all of us..
If you think it is something chemical then at least it is something that can be put right, that's something to be positive about, and he might be more willing to sort it out..men are so awkward to get to the doctor aren't they?? so afraid of discussing things!!
The supplements Lindahand suggested are fabulous, I take lots of things daily, to help with my moods and hormones, its very hard to get the right amount of vitamins and minerals from our diets..
I hope you can talk him into seeing the doctor, I told my partner that he had to think about me and the children, it isn't just about their feelings, it has an effect on the whole family.
I hope things turn out okay for you x

[cocacola978]

Thanks all for the comments, I had never heard about cyclothymia before, but after reading up on it after your suggestions it actually makes sense.  I had thought about post-traumatic stress because my hubby has been through some really traumatic things in the military, and has seen some disturbing things which really stuck with him over the years... he has become extremely sensitive in recent years I think as a result.  In any case, it's going to be a challenge to get him to see a doctor because he thinks that he can handle anything that comes our way out of pure will and self-determination, but I think it's something chemical and in his family there is a history of depression amongst his siblings, so I need to figure something out... perhaps it's worth me going along at first and perhaps providing the doctor with some information and then slipping him some pills in his drinks? haha   OK... that sounds terrible, but I'm so scared from reading previous posts about non-medicated partners with bipolar, but since cyclothymia seems much milder than perhaps it is a really different case?  and thanks for the suggestion about fish oil, I am going to try to get him to start doing more of an exercise regiment with me and will cut back on the sodas and junk food and try to help nourish him better...   Thanks for your help!

[lindahand]

If he is bipolar it would be bipolar 2 and it would be a very soft case of it. Part of the diagnostic criteria is that it must affect his level of functioning and must last 4 or more days. If he can go to work, be appropriate in that environment and then comes home and behaves as he does - probably not bipolar. That and the fact that he sleeps his 8 hours every night. That would be very rare for someone with bipolar. Usually the ups correspond with less sleep and no fatigue and the downs with more sleep or insomnia but being tired all the time.

It is possible it is cyclothymia which is a milder case of bipolar disorder. As well if he has been deployed as mentioned above by bubulous it could be related to PTSD or some other war time mental illness.

One thing that couldn't hurt is to add some vitamin D and omega 3 fish oils. Both of those have mood stabilizing properties. They help me. It isn't a cure by any means and I am not suggesting this over meds, but I find it helps me with my moods. And the omega oils help with so much like the heart. So if he is touchy about mental health things you can always tell him that you are doing it for heart health. If both of you are taking it it will just seem like something new you are trying. And if you have a dog, give him a capsule - although I buy the cheaper stuff for the dog. Great for their coats and their heart health.

[looloo141]

Hello, your Husband is lucky to have someone so caring and willing to look into Mental Illness so deeply, not many people have such understanding..its a complex thing and sometimes our behaviours are hard for even the closest people in our lives to understand.

Looking at what you have said, if we look at this using criteria for Bipolar I would say that your Husband isn't Bipolar as episodes of Depression and Mania usually last longer than a few days..However, there are so many types of Bipolar it isn't as simple as yes or no..
People can rapid cycle, where mood changes weekly, daily or hourly! Bipolar is a spectrum disorder so symptoms can overlap. From what you have said I don''t think full blown Mania is a concern, as it is so much more than being goofy and spending money, I think you would be sure if you saw him in a full Mania.. although what you describe could be hypomania, a milder form..lots of energy, rapid speech, reduced need for sleep etc..

If I had to give you an answer I would say it isn't Bipolar, but it is impossible to say over the internet and I am not a doctor..what did concern me was you said the goofy behaviour is always followed by a depressive episode..and you said he has thoughts of not being here. I think he needs to be seen by a doctor..there is a milder condition on the Bipolar spectrum called Cyclomythic Disorder, you could research that aswell to compare, but ultimately he needs to be seen by a doctor..
GOOD LUCK!!
Remember to take care of yourself too!!

[Bubulous]

Are you back from your deployment?  How many times have you and your husband been deployed?