Should I give internet one more try

[Bipolar108]

I take care of my elderly mother which forbids me of having a social life. I am unemployed and the only place I have to meet new people is the internet.
I had a 7 months relationship with a guy and fell deeply in love. He dumped me 1 year ago and I think it is time to try again.
I fear having the same problems. Should I give internet on more try?

[Bipolar108]

Thanks for your time, love and consideration. I am still too hurt due to the last relationship. I am not ready to give a try to a new one. I am completely isolated and don't know what to do. I wish I could disappear.

[persephonedemeter]

i don't see anything wrong with reaching out throught the internet if you are that isolated socially in the outside world. I was relatively isolated for a long time, about a little over 2 years after medical procedures. I did most of my socializing through emails, skype, facetime, and texts, because I was too sick or disabled to meet up with people. I am very grateful for the internet when I was in hospital isolation for a few weeks; otherwise, I think I really would have had more severe psychosis. People are social beings. Even hermits and cloistered religious people have social contact.

In reaching out to people, there are always a risk of geting hurt involve, but you can take precautions and stick to "social rules" to keep you from getting hurt, or getting hurt too bad. People come and go. I like people, and even the most fleeting and very casual encounter like just exchanging pleasantries in the street or just a smile and a hello can make a day.

It helps when you become your own best friend, and be kind to yourself also. The worse person who can tear you down easily is yourself, and I found it is very easy to be hard on myself when I am physically or mentally ill....especially with depression.

As far as trying for romance and love over the net, it's possible but I don't know if it's enormously possible, but I think your expectations should be lowered so that there is not so much emotional baggage or weight. Well, it also goes for when meeting people in person. There is never a good thing when reading too much into people's words. Keep it easy. Don't expect too much..just take it for what it is nothing more. If it feels warm and great, it feels warm and great. Don't exaggerated to undying love and "this is where my world lives and ends," or " the universe is colliding." I realize there is always a chance you are going to get hurt and any kind of relationship can end unexpectedly or go sour. I am not saying to lower "love" to a manageable level. There are different kinds of love, and love in itself is a pretty powerful emotion...I love having love in my life, and yes, I could and have disregarded the safety of my life for someone I loved...well, actually, for a few strangers also, but that's another issue...but i knew exactly what I was doing.

Does that mean you shouldn't try? Well, that is really up to you. If you feel you are still pretty wounded emotionally or too vulnerable, then take the time to heal. Spend the time to make friends rather than lovers or being emotionally intimate.

The only other misgiving,  I have about forging relationships on the web, especially through chat sites  and social networking is that there are people out there who you can't assess fully and will take advantage of lonely, socially isolated  people. They misrepresent themselves and they can inflict harm emotional and/or financially to others, and they feel very safe doing so, because they are distanced through the net. It would be best to keep that in mind at all times. Pay attention to the red flags or red flag feelings.

Also, keep in mind that if there is a choice between the outside world offering more than than internet as far as socializing with people, people fare better, get more, and will usually always choose "real time" relationships rather than "virtual" relationships unless they are socially disabled. For myself, I will take a real and present partner all the time.

Respect your emotional boundaries and others; never lose sight of that. If you are not sure what these boundaries are, then talk to a therapist about it, or read on it. I don't know if you "blur" the lines for the sake of maintaining The Relationship. There are times when a relationship becomes the "third person" that gets put in first place to save rather than the people in it. Don't invest so much into an idealized, romantic or fantasy version of love with all the expectations of achieving it. It leads to disappointment, and one or the other will feel there are shortcomings present all the time, and it becomes work.

If you expect people to take you for who you really are, then they would want you to "see" them for who they are, not what you can change them into to fit your ideal person or what you expect out of them.

I'm not out looking, btw; I don't feel like there is an empty space on my bed or in the house, but I have daily contact with people, virtually and in real time, and it is safe to say that we are glad that we all appreciate having each other in life...as neighbors, friends, allies, family, etc. The capacity to love and be loved is always there, and I really believe that. As a result, when I am mostly stable, my life has a warmth to it. When I am sick and miserable, I hang on to that concept and just know I'm distanced from being in touch with love in myself and others, but I know it is there and present. I like it when it presents itself as a discovery or a surprise; then, it takes my breath away.