What Is Your Background?

[HoneyNut]

I am just wondering if people have anything that stands out in their mind that might have affected them developmentally that could be attributed to "becoming" bipolar.  Please do not tell me about genetics and this being a family condition... I understand that; however, I also feel that certain things (environmentally) in my life aided in the development of me being bipolar.  Maybe this is just me... I am also adopted so I have no biological family to base anything off either.

I am also curious if anyone struggles with their speech, and forming coherent sentences.  This may sound like word salad, but I have been told it is not from my psychiatrist, and instead it is just because of my bipolar... and that my mind is just easily jumbled.  I often feel dumb, and probably sound dumb to others... but in high school I was able to pull mostly straight As, and was able to graduate college within four years, even when I changed my major three times, and was struggling with medications; so I know I'm not dumb per se, but it certainly does not come across that way to others most of the time.

I am just hoping there are people who can relate, or have stories to tell (because I have a full closet of stories that I feel helped contributed to my bipolar, but I'm not looking for pity, or to create an excuse)...

[Xila31]

For me, I think it is genetic. I say this with the knowledge that my cousin has schizophrenia and bipolar and schizophrenia are in similar families of disorders. My father has never been diagnosed with anything, but he had mood swings. Lots of anger. Depression for sure. But he had "reasons" for these things such as he had diabetes (which does cause mood fluctuations,) or when my mom died it was grief.

My mom, what I remember of her, she would get this nervous habbit she had of she would shake her knees while sitting. People used to tell her she was weird for doing that. But now that I look at it I would guess she had anxiety. I wish she was alive so I could ask her. And, of course she was probalby depressed because she was sick with cancer for many years, but she fought it anyway.

And then there was me as a little girl. Always crying. Always afraid of people. Coming up with these strange "stories" about being an alien from another planet. Never being able to handle these giant feelings I had all the time and never being close to other kids. Always feeling outside, and beliving the only real friends I had were my toys. And then the kids became meaner and meaner. I would say for bipolar is genetic.

For my BPD, however; I think that is merely caused by my mother being ill my whole life. I mean, she was there trying the best she could, but she was in bed. Even with mom and dad I felt like an outsider. The kids at school were so mean to me, I didn't trust any teachers because they all thought I was a manipulator, when all I needed was someone to listen. I wasn't manipulating, just no one would help me even when I asked. (I guess asking for help is being a liar when you're a kid.) And then my mom died, and it was just me and my dad and I was home alone. And so, now here I am.

That's just my take on how I ended up this way.

[bernie40]

heyjude, my story is similar in that as I've got older stress has more of an impact and I can quickly spiral, although this is diminished now I'm on the medication I'm currently on.  With regard to work I also had to give up work and it looks unlikely that I'll return to work any time soon.  I have 4 children, 3 of them teenagers and that in itself obviously creates stressful situations (not that I'm complaining), however put work on top of that and I literally fall apart.  It makes me very frustrated because I actually enjoy working, I also enjoy being a mother but it seems I just can't do the two.

The other issue I have trouble with, even now, is being tied down to times, dates etc.  I can go a week maybe 2 weeks of really even mood but then there are times when my mood will fluctuate up and down throughout the day or I'll wake on a downer that could last half an hour or 24 hours.  I try and keep appointments (social or otherwise) to a minimum of about 2 or 3 a week as any more than that and I find myself stressing about it and then being unable to attend any of them.  Does anyone else have this?

[heyjude1]

In response to the Boderline Personality Disorder, I have no doubt I suffered from BPD due to enviroment as a child.  I have noticed that my BPD is not as prevelant now that I am older, however, my BP issues have seened to increase over the years.  I have read that the BP eases with age, however, I have not found that to be true with me.  Stress is a huge trigger for me.  As I have aged, my ability to handle stress is null; it throws me into episodes much easier than in the past. I have become unable to work due to the least little bit of stress and I end up on the  physc ward.  Sometimes I wonder how I have made it in this world for 57 yrs., I guess with the  grace of God and medication.

[heyjude1]

It is genetics with me too.  My father had MI and growing up in a house with a father with MI, rages, and at times physically abusive, it manifested my all ready predetermined genetic future.  I can look back now and see the signs that I had mental issues as a child; tourettes, horrible self esteem., depression.  As a child I would spend my days hidding in the crawl space under my neighbors house, hide in the top of a tree all day to look down on life but not participate in life. I know these were not normal "kids" behavior.  Life hasn't been all bad though, I've had a lot of good times too, but, I believe I was predisposed to  MI.  My children suffer from depression also.  Due to my own behaviors in life, I'm sure I have contributed to many of the enviromental aspects of their inherited MI. The cycle continues with MI...

[HoneyNut]

Regelio63, I can only imagine that when you're in the medical field it is a catch 22 working with family, but you made the best decision that you could have for your nephew at that time.  Were you immediately diagnosed with Bipolar after your traumatic event?  What did you decide for a career afterward?

Heidi, feel free to not have to answer, but at what age were you diagnosed with Bipolar?  It is a terrible feeling for one to suffer that kind of abuse and know no one is there -- I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone.

Thanks to everyone for sharing their experiences and thoughts!

ʚ- HoᴖeyNᴗt

[HoneyNut]

Lindeelou, I appreciate every cent.  As I do not know my family history, I suppose it's difficult for me to completely "bow down" to the concept that Bipolar is genetic.  I've come to the conclusion that the precursor has to be there, but after that it really is up to your environment how you turn out.  Are you currently taking any medications?  Perhaps your therapist can help you retrain your brain when you get into one of those obsessive funks?  I know my therapist is suppose to help me learn how to redirect my thoughts.

Bernie40, no worries, perhaps us BPs have our own language -- it's my only guess, seeing as my thoughts and reasoning are lost on the world outside of this forum.  My reasoning also comes from my childhood, where I was on medication to help stabilize me; however, environmental factor after environmental factor continued to spiral me unstable.  It was almost like my Psychiatrist, back then, was just waiting for a new medication to come out, so we could stop cycling through the ones I already tried.  Probably a bit of an exaggeration, since I really don't recall much from that time period, but I know I've hit a wall with options as of now.  I am glad to hear that you're 80% stable. I have my days, where I probably feel close to that, but then I wait with baited breath as to when I should feel my stomach flop, because the roller coaster will be going down, and fast.

ʚ- HoᴖeyNᴗt